I Refuse to Babysit My Sister’s Kids for Free—Her Reaction Completely Confused Me

Siblings sometimes cross the line. Family is important and should be there when we need them, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore personal boundaries. Some brothers and sisters expect constant support, no matter what. This girl decided to end her predictable story, always putting others first and forgetting about herself.

This girl was tired of being taken advantage of and decided to say no to last minute babysitting her niece and nephew.

“I (24F) am currently working full-time while taking night classes for my master’s degree. My schedule is PACKED. My sister (30F) has two kids (4 and 6) and constantly asks me to babysit last minute. Like, I’ve helped her out at least 15 times in the past 3 months alone. Sometimes with literally 2 hours notice.

I’ve missed study groups, rescheduled meetings, and even called out sick once to help her. I love my niece and nephew, but, OMG, it’s getting ridiculous.”

“Yesterday, she texted me at 4pm asking if I could watch the kids from 6-11pm because her regular sitter canceled. I had a HUGE exam the next morning worth 40% of my grade that I needed to study for. I told her I couldn’t this time and suggested she try the babysitting app I showed her before.

She freaked out, saying it was an important work thing, and I was the only person she trusted. I stood my ground for once and said no.”

“She ended up missing her work event. Now my whole family is blowing up my phone. Apparently this ’work thing’ was actually a dinner with her boss where they were discussing a promotion. My parents are saying I’m selfish and should have just ’studied earlier’ (as if grad school works that way).

My sister is giving me the silent treatment and posted a vague FB status about ’people who don’t value family.’ Like??? I’ve dropped everything for her kids so many times, but the ONE time I prioritize my education, I’m the villain?

I feel bad about the promotion thing, but also feel like I’m becoming her default childcare without any consideration for my life. Am I wrong for refusing to be her emergency babysitter this ONE time?”

What other people on the Internet had to say about her situation.

• “Just keep reiterating that you were asked last minute the night before a major exam worth 40% of your grade. You already babysit at the drop of a hat, often making personal sacrifices to do so, which is already an unreasonable expectation. You don’t owe her the sacrifice of your future so she can have kids with no drawbacks to her life.
  These are not your kids. It is not your responsibility. If in a crazy spin of the wheel of fate two important events coincide and one of you has to sacrifice something in order for her kids to be looked after, she is the one who will have to make the sacrifice because they are her kids. You must feel like you are taking crazy pills.
  If I were you, I’d tell them that their attitude is so wrong that you are backing off from making any sacrifices to babysit her kids entirely. It’s like no good deed goes unpunished.
  Maybe after her life starts suffering when she has to make her own sacrifices more often, rather than you making them in her place, she might start appreciating what you have been doing for her so far and give up the expectation that her life always comes before yours. You won’t hold your breath, though.” kurokomainu / Reddit

• “Sounds like she doesn’t value family. You are studying, that’s just as important as any work event. You should make more of a habit of refusing last minute babysitting.
  It sounds like you have already put her needs ahead of yours too many times. Step back from being the one who always bends over backwards, people will stop expecting it when you stop doing it.” International-Fee255 / Reddit

• “Presumably your sister knew about this dinner more than 2 hours before it started? Why didn’t she plan ahead? She’s gotten comfortable relying on you for last-minute babysitting, and it’s a good thing you kept to your boundaries and said no so she (hopefully) realizes that she can’t take advantage of you anymore.
  I could be wrong, but from the way you told it, it seems like there’s some favoritism towards your sister if everyone is so up in arms about her missing this one work dinner when you’ve sacrificed your own work and education time for her over and over.” schmeveroni / Reddit

• “I think the dinner being about a promotion is a lie. If it’s true, it’s unprofessional. It’s not the 1950s anymore.
  Also, if this dinner cost her the promotion, that’s a massive red flag, and she should be looking for a new job. Pretty sure the sister just made it up to manipulate the family into giving you a hard time so you will think twice about saying no in the future.” Tiny_pufferfish / Reddit

• “A lack of planning on her part doesn’t constitute an emergency on yours. Why is it always you who has to rearrange your schedule for her? Does she ever do the same for you? And why can’t your parents babysit if it’s so important?” Jdawn82 / Reddit

• “Your sister needs a deeper bench of sitters, but it is not your responsibility to put your life on hold every time she needs a babysitter. This should be a wake-up call to your sister to find a solution.
  And how is your sister valuing family if she wants you to flunk an important exam for her promotion chances?” Quick-Possession-245 / Reddit

• “I’m sick of so many people having children nowadays while taking for granted their parents and siblings will help them out like if no one else had a life and duties beyond the babies/children that even aren’t theirs. Even if you hadn’t wanted to take care of them because you felt like doing nothing but sofa & TV during the whole day, you would have been right.” Mrs_Naive_ / Reddit

• “I’m a manager. I don’t take my employees out to last-minute dinners to discuss promotion. I would never get upset about an employee being unable to attend an evening social event due to family commitments, or hold it against them in the promotion process. And I’ve never had my own managers do so either. Something’s fishy here and it’s not the dinner menu.” atleebreland / Reddit

• “Your sister is older, further progressed in life and career, and yet she (and your family) consider that to be more important than you getting to progress at all in yours. You are not her resource; you need to have the chances to build your life yourself.
  Yes, this dinner was to discuss a promotion, but if she’s really not going to get promoted because she had last-minute childcare problems, then this is a very toxic work environment that will mean she will keep expecting you to drop everything to help her. And 40% of your grade can make a significant difference in your future.” calling_water / Reddit

• “If your parents feel a certain way about it, they need to step up and start babysitting for your sister. You did not create those children, and you do not owe your sister free babysitting whenever she feels like it.” New-Comment2668 / Reddit

Raising children is not always easy, especially when family members have different opinions. In this article, two sisters disagree about how they care for their kids. One thinks the other is spoiling her children and decides to step in to help her see things more clearly.