Parents love their kids, there’s no doubt about that. But what happens when that love corrupts into control, and then changes into fury when the child tries to break free and be independent? A young Bright Side reader, Sarah, faced a similar situation and reached out to us for guidance.
My mom lived for my swimming. From age 3, my mother chased what she called “my Olympic dream.” I was one of the best, but the dream was hers, not mine.
I like swimming, but competing took the joy out of it. Many times, I tried to tell her that I hated every meet, every medal. She would have none of it, waving me off, ignoring my feelings.
At 18, I told her I wanted to be a doctor. She screamed, “You have wasted my life!” I didn’t flinch at the venom in her voice and looked her straight in the eye, saying, “You chose to give up your life. Don’t expect me to give up mine, too.”
She tried to change my mind, alternating between yelling at me and cajoling me. But I was firm about wanting to be a doctor. I had secretly filled out college applications and even got a scholarship.
Instead of arguing with her, I simply handed her a copy of the admission letter from a prestigious college. She tore it apart, so I packed up my bags and left, while she screamed how I would not see a single penny of help from her. It’s been tough, but I am not afraid of hard work, and I know I will make it.
Recently, my aunts and cousins have been blowing up my phone, calling me names, and telling me how selfish I was to leave my poor, single mother all alone. I have to admit, I feel just a little guilty because I did go no contact with her after every phone call ended in her either screaming at me or crying about how ungrateful I was.
My friends say I did nothing I need to feel guilty about. Tell me, was I wrong? What should I do?
Sarah Turner
Your path of life 🧬 is your. Success or not is yours too. Tell your aunt and uncle about your mother talk everytime you talk, record it. And say if they still want you to talk to her if she act like that. If they keep nagging you, then just say you will spread that recording.
Dear Sarah, first and foremost: you are not wrong. What you’ve described is something many people face but rarely talk about. It’s called parental enmeshment, where a parent pours their own dreams into a child, often at the expense of that child’s autonomy.
Your mother may love you deeply, but it seems like she tied her identity to your success, but that’s on her and not you. Here’s what we think you should do.
We dug out a rather similar story on Reddit, and here is some more advice from people who also feel that you (and the girl in the story) are definitely not in the wrong.
Having a controlling parent is a tough situation for anyone to handle, and if you ever feel the need, remember to go for therapy to keep your mental health at its optimum. Here are some more stories about controlling parents that prove you are not alone.
