I Refused to Let a Family Tragedy Ruin My Christmas

I wouldn't cancel it either, I'm sure the sister could use the extra friend and family support. I didn't even leave work after having to declare my fiancé of 14 years do-not-resuscitate over the phone, he passed at 10:12 am back in November. Why do people think you need to be at home crying by yourself to grieve? You do what's right for you and let others do what's right for them. I preferred to keep busy and surround myself with people that I know and love and that is surely that OP was doing by keeping Christmas celebration. And it was 2 whole days later!

ladonna alvarado

I can't believe your insensitivity wasn't that your nephew and.brother in law im shocked you would have this party shocked at how Cruel thisbwas

D D

Man this OP is one heartless human being. She reminds me of my sister ONLY thinks of herself. No one ounce of empathy in her.

Aspen Shepard

How the heck did it cause harm to everyone at the party? It was only 2 days!

You're an a..hole

I'm sorry, but yes. I've learned the hard way that family, especially siblings, come first. No matter what. Now, instead of everyone understanding about a family tragedy and you needing to take care, they're judging you by your decisions and lack of compassion for your sister and her family.

Kirsty Carr

2 months ago

Jeez, sorry but I'm not surprised. Just 2 days after wow!!! That's bad

I won't call you wrong or your sister. You were right when you thought about others, but before that you should have thought about your sister. Canceling a dinner wouldnt crash Christmas for those invited, they'd still have other places to go.
Also, you could have cut down on the festivity part and taken your sister into confidence that being at a dinner will help ease her pain and that her loss is acknowledged, but her husband and son would never want her to miss the Christmas dinner.
A son and then a husband—they're two very important people, and there was nothing wrong if she was grieving that loss still after just two days. The breaking in part is questionable, but if I were in your place, I would let it go given the circumstances.

2 weeks ago

OMG Karen, why have you deleted this comment?

Susan Martin

Yes. She is your family, and losing her husband and son was a huge loss. You were very insensitive.

Mariadej Bernal

very selfish of her. She had to grieve on her own and if you did not want to share the misery, don't. Why impose. She was miserable and she wanted others to feel sorry for her, imposing. Not worth keeping.

3 weeks ago

Oops, the admin pressed "delete".

Mariadej Bernal

Who says she had to grieve on her own? How did your family treat you when your child died?

Nicole Keeling

Mariadej Bernal

Wait, who is selfish? Because I gotta say her breaking in and taking back everything that belonged to her son is a sign of denial. She lost her son and she's just looking for anything to connect her to him. That's not selfish it's grief

2 weeks ago

Shhh! The comment is asleep.

2 weeks ago

This comment was eaten by a raccoon.

It is still quite callous to continue with the party despite the death of your nephew and brother-in-law, but her breaking in to steal the clothes back is a little psychotic. You both behaved badly and should own up to it.

7 months ago

The comment is closed for renovation.

Breaking in to "steal" (they were lent) is the least psychotic thing in the whole story.

This woman is in shock, grieving a child, which is indescribable anguish, doing it without the comfort of her husband, who she's also grieving, her sister doesn't have time for her because, big party, you know.

She could very easily suffer a complete break with reality. She has no idea what is "normal " anymore, including her reactions to everything.

The one person who should be hanging on to her tight is expecting guests and the holiday fingertip towels aren't in the powder room yet.

And why did she have to "break in" to her sister's house? She probably wasn't invited to the party because she'd be such a downer.

Nope, I think the grieving sister's actions are far more sane than those of the hostess with the mostest.

2 weeks ago

The comment has been disarmed.

Aspen Shepard

not psychotic at all. they were her dead sons things and she was in shock and grieving. You obviously have nevef experienced a death like this.

P J Jonz

I would want back everything that had ever touched my dead babies skin...the grieving sister did not behave badly...but she sure as h should in the future

Tomas Fitzpatrick

Holding the party was of course simply the act of a psycopath. What is incomprehensible is that other members of the family came to such an insane
event

Tomas Fitzpatrick

Those could have been her neighbors, who had nothing to do with family. I don't know about you, but some people invest time and plan things ahead of a Christmas dinner. Canceling at the last moment (2 days prior) might not have seemed like the best thing to do to her. You can't judge her and outright call her a psychopath for it.

Yeah we can. She may not be a psychopath but we can call her one. She's a psychopath. See?

To be clear, you don't think that the grieving sister's need for the comfort of her sister outweighs the tragedy of wasted canapés ?

What kind of a person wouldn't understand that she canceled the party???

I would feel so weird and put off about a party that I wouldn't go if I were a neighbor.

No, actually I might, I would go to give my condolences and if appropriate, try to tend to the needs of the bereft.

I would expect anyone in that house to be doing the same or sitting up in grief themselves.

If there was a party going on I don't think I'd want to have anything to do with such awful people.

2DAYS?!,!? WHEN WAS THE FUNERAL????

THAT DAY? DECEMBER 26TH?

Yeah, we can. She may not actually BE a psychopath, but we can judge her and call her one.

She's a horrible person and a psychopath.

See? I just did it.

Aspen Shepard

no she is a classic narcissist. cares more about strangers than family

Courtney Williams

week ago

She's psychotic and cold hearted for throwing a party

Jessica N

Tomas Fitzpatrick

Are you joking? I wouldn't have canceled Christmas dinner either. Are they supposed to grieve individually huddled in their homes alone or be celebrating the lives of brother in law and nephew all together as a family? All the comments in here are insanity.

Joseph Kortash

8 months ago

This sister has the most insensitive sister in history. Your sister just lost her husband and child and all you think about is a Christmas party? Wow oh wow. All the people you invited to the party now know how horrible you are now.

Hi Becca! Thank you for sharing your story. We’ve prepared some tips that can help you navigate through this situation.

Acknowledge your sister’s pain and apologize for misunderstanding her needs.

Shaena Spencer

2 months ago

You are a truly EVIL person!!

Even if you believe your decision was justified, it’s important to acknowledge the depth of her grief. Reach out to your sister and say something like, “I realize now how deeply I underestimated your pain and how my actions may have felt dismissive of your loss.”

Explain that your intention wasn’t to hurt her, but to maintain normalcy for others during the holidays. A heartfelt apology could open the door to reconciliation and help her feel seen and validated.

Organize a separate memorial event to honor her loss.

To show that you care about her grief, offer to host or help organize a gathering in memory of her husband and son. It doesn’t have to be grand but could be something as simple as a quiet dinner or a candlelight vigil with family and close friends.

This could serve as a way to bridge the gap between celebrating the holidays and honoring the memory of her loved ones. It demonstrates that you’re willing to set aside time and energy to mourn with her.

Set boundaries and express your perspective calmly.

Your sister’s behavior at the party, while driven by grief, crossed a boundary by publicly shaming you. When emotions have settled, calmly address this with her: “I understand that you’re grieving and that this time of year is excruciating for you, but what you did during the party caused a lot of harm to everyone present.”

Share your side without attacking her, and discuss how such situations could be handled more constructively in the future. This can help reestablish mutual respect while acknowledging the complexity of her emotions.

Consider family counseling or mediation to navigate the rift.

Cindy Perry Faircloth

8 months ago

Your brother-in-law & your nephew died Two days before Christmas and you are having a PARTY and other family members are coming??? Why arent' you and other family with your sister helping and supporting her at such a traumatic time? Also, how are you and the family not grieving with your sister?

Given the level of tension and hurt, it might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, like a family therapist or mediator. Explain to your sister that you want to repair the relationship and navigate this challenging time in a way that supports both of you.

A professional can help validate her grief while also helping her understand that your decision wasn’t intended to harm her. This can prevent future blowups and create a healthier dynamic during sensitive times.

Olivia’s Thanksgiving took an unexpected twist when she secretly invited her son’s ex-wife to dinner. The decision sparked a dramatic reaction from his current wife, leading to an ending no one saw coming. Read the full story here.

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Kirsty Carr

2 months ago

I agree. What a horrible thing to do. If the shoe was on the other foot, you should think about that. Not to mention that fact that he was your nephew. Bit twisted you.

All the advice offered in the article to mend and "heal" is useless until Becca sees a cardiologist.

The presence of a heart must be verified first.

It ain't looking good for Becca.

Glad the OP isn't my family js. That's cold hearted

Gaynelle Burnette

I glad you are not my sister. What you did was just cruel and coldhearted. You should truly be ashamed of yourself.