I Refused to Let My Mom Move Into My Home After Retiring and Now My Family Is Against Me

Family & kids
5 months ago

When it comes to family, we often find ourselves at a crossroads where personal convictions clash with societal expectations. While conventional wisdom might say that welcoming a parent into one’s home is a gesture of love and duty, the woman in today’s story found herself at odds with this notion. She went online to vent and ask for guidance.

She shared her side of the story.

I (32F) bought a two-bedroom house last year that perfectly suits my needs. My mom (60F) is now retiring and wants to move from my childhood home to my city.

She asked if she could have my extra bedroom to move in with me instead of getting her own condo. I love my mom, but I declined — I don’t want to give up my guest room and personal space.

My mom got upset, arguing the family should live together. She wants to be closer to me, and I’m being unreasonable by not letting her move in. I suggested helping her look for an affordable 55+ community instead.

But my mom won’t entertain any other housing ideas. She insists I have plenty of room and should want her to live with me in retirement. She says I’m abandoning her in her time of need.

I feel guilty, but I’m not ready to have my mom move in at 32 when I finally have my own place. My brother thinks I’m selfish for not supporting mom’s plan. But I don’t think her retirement means I have to give up privacy in my own home. Am I wrong?

And people stood by her side and shared their experiences.

  • “Have her move in with your brother.” cherrycokelemon / Reddit
  • “This will not work out for you. She needs to have her own place.” romancenovelhero / Reddit
  • “My kids fight over who gets stuck with their dad and who gets me when we retire. I’ve explained to them many times that they don’t owe either of us anything. We are responsible for ourselves. I have agreed that if they both still want me to live with one of them in the future, I’ll entertain the idea of a MIL cottage behind the house if they let me pay for it.” TitaniaT-Rex / Reddit
  • “Don’t let her move in. You will become her retirement plan and servant. And you will never get her out.” FriedaClaxton22 / Reddit
  • “Don’t do it. My grandmother moved in with my aunt and uncle and was there for 40 years, driving them around the bend. She would criticize every dish they made, getting mad anytime they opened Parmesan cheese or a spice container, insist on going on vacation with them, and never let them buy any furniture or decorations she didn’t approve of first. It ruined their relationship with her and even though she’s been gone for 20ish years now, they can’t think of her with fondness.” percentjuice / Reddit
  • “My mom and I were talking about this only last week. We agreed that she would get a condo near me if/when her husband passes, even right next door would be fine. There needs to be at least that much separation and autonomy.” chewbooks / Reddit
  • “You have a living arrangement that suits you. She is choosing to sell her house, and that choice should not burden anyone else. Stand your ground or it will only get worse. You are not responsible for her or the consequences of her actions.” crocodiletears-3 / Reddit
  • “Just say NO and then stop talking to her when she brings it up, you want to live on your own, be an adult, and stand up to her. End every conversation with no.” ComfortableZebra2412 / Reddit
  • “If mom is that selfish BEFORE moving in, she’ll be a real peach after she forces her way on you.”
    soonerpgh / Reddit

In the middle of this conflict, we remain hopeful that time will be a gentle mender. Perhaps, in the quiet moments of reflection, her family will come to understand the sincerity behind her decision and appreciate the importance of maintaining personal boundaries.


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As an aging parent I have asked my children to find a place close to them but I'm not ready to live with them. I need my own space just as they need theirs. When I can't take care of myself, then and only then will I go to the old folk's home because I don't want to be a burden on my kids, nor do I want my sons to have to take care of me..I love me boys but I do not want them to ever have to bathe me it would be so degrading for me and I can't have that..


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