I Refused to Pay More Because I Don’t Have Kids—I Won’t Be Treated Like an ATM

Friendships often evolve as people move through different life stages, and one of the biggest shifts comes when children enter the picture. For those without children, it can feel like watching a familiar world change from the outside — suddenly, inside jokes revolve around parenting woes, and priorities seem to shift in unspoken ways. For one of our readers, it felt like her friends were treating her like a wallet and that’s why she started pulling away from them.

Let’s see what one of our readers confided in us.

I felt like my friends were hanging out with me out of obligation. I’m the only one without kids. Every time, they’d expect me to pay a larger share of the bill, since they were paying the sitters. I stopped showing up.

A month later, one of them texted me —not to check in, but to accuse me of being “fake”, “disloyal,” and “ghosting” the group. That hit me. I ended up replying, and we talked. Long story short, I met up with a couple of them.

What they said honestly left me confused — they said they’d noticed I’d been distant, and they’d always tried to get closer, but I’d been the one pushing them away.

They said they cared but felt like I never let them in. Now, I don’t even know what to think. Part of me wants to believe them, but part of me still feels like I didn’t matter that much. I’m stuck.

Has anyone here been through something like this? What would you do?

Here’s our advice. Whatever you choose to do, communicate it with your friends clearly and lovingly.

• Honor Your Feelings: Your sense that you were being taken for granted is valid. Don’t dismiss that. Whether they intended to make you feel that way or not, it’s okay to acknowledge that you were hurt and felt left out.
• Look at the Full Picture: Sometimes, both things can be true: you may have pulled away because you felt unappreciated, and they may genuinely feel like they were trying to connect. This doesn’t mean either side is malicious — it could just be misaligned perceptions. People tend to miss signs when life is busy, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care.
• Decide What Kind of Relationship You Want: Ask yourself: Do you want to keep these friendships? Are you willing to express your needs more clearly going forward (e.g., “I’d like us to split bills fairly”)? Can you accept that these friendships might look different now, but still be meaningful?
  If yes, then it’s worth communicating openly. If not, it’s okay to gently let distance grow.
• Set Boundaries Without Guilt: If you continue to hang out, it’s okay to say something like, “I enjoy spending time with you, but I need to feel like things are mutual — emotionally and financially. I want to be part of this group, not just a helper or outsider.” Real friends won’t shame you for setting fair boundaries.
• Watch for Consistency, Not Just Words: It’s good that they reached out and said they care. But moving forward, watch how they show that. Are they more mindful of costs? Do they check in more regularly? Do they include you in ways that don’t make you feel like the odd one out?
  Your confusion is normal. Take your time. Trust is rebuilt in steps.

No matter how many years go by and how many difficulties people face, friendships stand strong and overcome challenges. Some people are meant to be friends and won’t let anything or anyone take that away from them.