My MIL Insists to Name My Baby After Her Own Child Who Passed Away 18 Years Ago

Expecting a child is a period of time associated with pleasant anticipation and joyful excitement. It's a time filled with dreams of the future, imagining what life will be like with a new addition to the family. From decorating the nursery to picking out names, every moment is tinged with the warmth of expectation. However, for our reader Maggie, this period turned into a real battle with her mother-in-law, all because of the choice of names. She wrote to Bright Side seeking advice for her challenging situation.

Dear Maggie, thank you for sharing your story with us! We've prepared a few tips that we believe can help you during this challenging time for your family.

Communicate and explore compromises.

Chloe Carmichael, a psychologist who wrote books about anxiety and dating, explained that sometimes, a parent-in-law has trouble accepting that their child is now grown-up and making their own decisions. They might try to control things, like insisting on a specific name for their grandchild.

Another reason for this behavior, according to Marlene Watson, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is that some mothers-in-law had their own names forced on them by their in-laws. They might also see naming as carrying on their family tradition or reflecting their own identity.

If you disagree with your parents or in-laws about naming your baby, it’s important to communicate respectfully. Let them know you value their opinions, but ultimately, the decision is yours and your partner’s because it’s your child.

Alyssa Mairanz, executive director and owner of Empower Your Mind Therapy, said, «Preparing for your first child can be exciting and thrilling, but also nerve-wracking and confusing. Set healthy boundaries to ensure they aren’t adding to the pressure of becoming new parents. Be specific when setting your boundaries, and think about each type of boundary (emotional, psychological, and physical) when it comes to naming the baby.»

Setting boundaries works best when done with love and respect, along with clear limits and presenting a united front when needed. She suggested saying something like, «We really appreciate your desire to share ideas for names. We’ll let you know once we’ve settled on our choice. Thanks again for offering your ideas,» to avoid any confusion or power struggles.

Seek professional counseling for families.

In your specific situation, there may also be the influence of past trauma that your mother-in-law has experienced.

Therefore, it’s crucial to suggest the idea of family group counseling to facilitate constructive discussions and aid in resolving underlying issues. A neutral mediator can offer valuable guidance and support in navigating conflicts and rebuilding relationships.

Another expectant mother encountered criticism from her MIL after choosing not to quit from her day job. Read her story here to understand the common challenges many women encounter and the significance of supporting all mothers, regardless of their decision to work outside the home or stay at home.