I Refused to Take My Pregnant DIL to the Hospital—Even If My Grandson Will Be at Risk

Family relationships can be full of love, but they can also be complicated. Sometimes, people face situations where they must choose between what feels right to them and what others expect from them. Recently, we received a letter from Melinda, a Bright Side reader who found herself in such a situation — one that involved her pregnant daughter-in-law and a choice that could affect her unborn grandson.

Melinda’s letter:

Dear Bright Side,

My son married a woman with 4 kids. She’s 8 months pregnant, and he travelled for work today. At 3 a.m., his wife called me crying, “I’m not okay. Take me to the ER, please.” I refused and hung up, because yesterday I discovered that she and my son lied about their relationship.

My son had told me they got married 8 months ago, while they were abroad, right after finding out she was pregnant. But it turns out that wasn’t true. Their relationship was on and off when she got pregnant. They didn’t get married until later.

And more than that—while she was seeing my son, my DIL had also been secretly seeing her ex-boyfriend, the same man who fathered her two youngest children. My son knows. He married her anyway, even though he’s not sure the baby is his. But I can’t be that forgiving.

I’m not proud, but I couldn’t bring myself to help her after that. The betrayal was too much. Still, I didn’t leave her completely alone—I called her stepmother to take her to the ER, even though she lives far away. They made it in time. She and the baby are stable. It was a false alarm.

Was it cruel of me not to go? I just can’t get past the feeling that this child isn’t my son’s—and that I’ve been lied to by them both.

Yours,
Melinda

Hi Melinda! Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. We’ve prepared some guidance to support you as you work through this delicate situation.

Have an honest, one-on-one talk with your son—not about her, but about him.

Right now, your anger is directed at both of them, but your son is ultimately the one who chose this relationship and its terms. Have a conversation that isn’t about judgment, but about clarity. Ask him why he chose to marry her despite the lies, the uncertainty around paternity, and the complicated history.

Listen to him and let him explain his reasoning, his fears, and his hopes—without interrupting or guiding the conversation. You need to understand his mindset, not hers, in order to move forward as his mother and potentially redefine your role in their life together. This may help you shift from betrayal to clarity, which is necessary before deciding how much involvement you’re comfortable with.

Establish clear personal boundaries without cutting ties.

Refusing to go to the ER was an emotionally charged decision, and it’s okay to feel conflicted. But going forward, consider setting boundaries that allow you to protect your well-being without entirely withdrawing. For example, let your son know that while you won’t be emotionally available for his wife right now, you are open to helping him in practical ways—like watching the older children in an emergency, or supporting him directly after the birth.

This gives you room to heal from the deception without punishing the unborn child or getting pulled into dynamics that still hurt you.

Confirm the baby’s paternity, then decide your role accordingly.

Given your deep unease about whether the baby is biologically your son’s, it may be worth encouraging your son to pursue a paternity test after the birth—if he hasn’t already. You’re not demanding it for drama; you’re seeking emotional closure.

If the child isn’t his, it will confirm your instincts and may change how you choose to engage. If the child is his, that clarity could help shift your focus away from the mother’s betrayal and toward the child’s needs, who will be your grandchild regardless of the circumstances.

Channel the pain into a private letter, even if you never send it.

There’s unresolved grief and resentment here—not just because of the lies, but because you were suddenly expected to show care for someone who deeply hurt you. Write a letter to your son’s wife (and/or your son), saying exactly how you feel—about the betrayal, the lies, and the emotional burden that was dropped on you at 3 a.m.

Don’t hold back. You don’t need to send it, but the act of writing it will help you process and compartmentalize the pain rather than carry it forward. If you later decide to share parts of it, it may even help her understand why trust with you must be rebuilt from zero.

Life sometimes throws us into situations that feel like they belong in a movie script or a breaking news story. Here are 12 true stories that could easily land on Google’s trending list.