I Gave My Ungrateful Daughter Exactly What She Asked For—And She Lost Her Mind Completely

Retirement should be a time to enjoy your golden years, not become your adult children’s free babysitter. Many parents find that their grown kids see retirement as the perfect solution to their childcare problems. The idea that grandparents should drop everything to provide free help has become a huge problem that’s ruining family relationships. When these entitled adult children don’t get their way, they often resort to guilt trips and threats to control their parents.

This is Carol’s story:

Hi Bright Side,

I (67F) worked 45 years. My daughter dumps her kids every Friday, saying “What else do you have to do?” When I wanted ONE weekend off, she screamed, “You’ll never see them again!”

So I made sure she kept that promise and booked a vacation. Her reaction was beyond anything I could have imagined—she actually called the police, claiming I had “abandoned” my grandchildren when she couldn’t find anyone else to watch them.

The officer who responded was confused when he realized I was simply on a planned vacation and had no legal obligation to provide childcare. My daughter had painted me as some kind of negligent guardian who had left children unattended, when the reality was that she was a grown woman who couldn’t handle her own parenting responsibilities for one weekend.

What hurt most was discovering that she and her husband were spending money on expensive dinners and weekend getaways, knowing they had free childcare whenever they wanted it.

When I returned from my trip, she left dozens of angry voicemails calling me “selfish” and claiming I had “ruined her life” by not being available. She said I was a “terrible grandmother” who clearly didn’t love my grandchildren because I chose a vacation over helping family.

The worst part was realizing that in her mind, I existed solely to serve her convenience. After raising her with love and sacrifice, working multiple jobs to give her opportunities, and supporting her through college, I had become nothing more than free babysitter in her eyes.

I love my grandchildren dearly, but I refuse to be treated like hired help by my own daughter. I need advice on how to maintain a relationship with my grandkids while setting boundaries with someone who clearly sees me as a resource rather than a person.

Please help,
Carol

Dear Carol, thank you for sharing such a painful but important story with us. We understand how heartbreaking it must be to realize that your own child views your love and availability as something she’s entitled to rather than grateful for. Your feelings are completely valid, and we hope our advice helps you navigate this difficult situation while protecting your well-being and dignity.

Don’t feel guilty for having your own life.

You worked for 45 years and earned the right to enjoy your retirement however you choose. Your daughter’s expectation that you should be available whenever she needs you is completely unreasonable and unfair. Having your own plans, interests, and schedule doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you a person with your own needs and desires. Stop letting her guilt trips make you question whether you deserve to have boundaries and personal time.

Stop being available at her convenience.

Create a schedule that works for you and stick to it, rather than dropping everything whenever she calls. Let her know specific days and times when you’re available to help, and make it clear that last-minute requests won’t always be possible. This teaches her to plan ahead and respect your time while you still get to see your grandchildren. When you’re not always available, she’ll have to find other babysitters.

Create consequences for disrespectful behavior.

When she speaks to you rudely or takes your help for granted, follow through with natural consequences like being less available the following week. Don’t lecture or argue about her behavior—simply show her through your actions that disrespect leads to less cooperation from you. Being consistent with these consequences will teach her that treating you poorly comes with a price.

Remember that you taught her how to treat you.

By always being available and never saying no in the past, you accidentally taught your daughter to expect this from you. It’s not too late to change her expectations by setting new boundaries and sticking to them even when she gets upset. Change is hard for everyone, but it’s necessary to create a healthier relationship where your needs matter too.

Have you ever felt taken for granted by your own adult children? Maybe your retirement has turned into unpaid childcare duty, or perhaps you’ve struggled with setting boundaries with family members who treat your time like it belongs to them. Share your story in the comments—other parents and grandparents need to know they’re not alone in feeling used by the people they love most!

And while you’re here, here’s what one of our readers shared: “I watched my 5 y.o. granddaughter sob at dinner as my DIL smugly handed her celery sticks. ‘Why can’t I have sausages like everyone else?’ she asked. My DIL snapped, ‘We don’t poison our bodies.’ That’s when I noticed what made my jaw drop. My DIL was secretly...” 👉 Click here to find out what happened next.