I Told My Mom I Wouldn’t Help Her With the Chores Because That’s a “Woman’s Job”

Moms are supposed to be those people who are on our side and accept us for who we are. However, the opposite might happen. Our reader always lends a helping hand to her mother, but it seems her efforts are met with dissatisfaction. Her mother desires her to conform to the role of a “good wife” and handle all the chores around the house without bothering her husband.

Our reader shared her problem with us.

Thank you for trusting us with your struggle! We have some tips that might be just what you need in this situation.

Talk to your mother.

Pick a time when both you and your mother are at ease, not caught up in other matters. Avoid bring up sensitive topics in the middle of an argument. Opt for a peaceful and private environment where you can talk without disruptions.

Use “I” statements to show how her comments and expectations hurt you emotionally. For example, say, “I feel hurt when...” or “I’ve been frustrated because...” Avoid blaming your mother. Instead of saying phrases like “You always...” or “You never...”, focus on your own experiences and emotions. This approach will prevent the conversation from turning into a blame game.

Draw the line.

Think about your boundaries — what you’re okay with and what’s unacceptable. Be clear and assertive when expressing your boundaries. For example, say, “I won’t tolerate being shamed for how I manage my chores.”

Tell your mother that her expectations don’t make sense to you, and you won’t come up to them. Visit her less often if she still keeps acting like that. After setting boundaries, give your mother some time to reflect. Be patient but firm at the same time.

Explain that times have changed.

Help your mother understand that times are different now. Highlight the changes in societal norms and gender roles. Emphasize that modern relationships often involve shared responsibilities, where both partners do household chores. Share examples of how many couples today do it together. Perhaps you have siblings or cousins who live the same way.

Find a compromise.

Try to find a middle ground with your mom. Talk about what each of you expects, and see if there’s a way to meet in the middle. Figure out a compromise that respects both her views and your independence. It could involve setting some clear boundaries on chores, communication, or how often you visit her. Look for solutions that work for both of you.

Dive into a controversial family story, tough choices, and the line between love and responsibility. In this article, one of our readers threatened her sister to call social services and report child neglect, and the reason makes sense.