My Daughter Wants to Honor the Man Who Destroyed Our Family

A mother’s life got turned upside down when her daughter made a shocking announcement: she’s naming her baby after her cheating father. What follows is a powerful and infuriating family drama about a parent fighting for respect, love, and loyalty.

This is Jasmine’s letter:

Dear Bright Side,

I’m writing to you because I feel completely broken. My ex-husband cheated on me for months, and I was so crushed that I divorced him and swore I’d never see him again. I thought my daughter, who is now an adult, would stand by me, but I was wrong. The other day, she told me the most heartbreaking thing I’ve heard since my divorce: she’s naming her baby after him (let’s call him David).

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, so I asked her, “After everything he did to me, you still want to name her after him?” She looked confused, as if she didn’t understand the pain this would cause me. She told me his new wife had advised her to do it. She said that her new stepmother was right, and that even after all that he has done, her father is still a big part of her life. She said she wants her daughter to have that same connection.

I was absolutely floored. I’m her mother, and after all the betrayal I’ve been through, she still chose to side with him and his new wife. I feel completely abandoned and like my feelings don’t matter at all.

I feel justified, but wonder if I am I overreacting?

Thanks for any advice,
—Jasmine

Here’s our advice and what people think.

Jasmine, it’s completely understandable that you feel so hurt and betrayed. Your feelings are not only valid but entirely justified. Your daughter’s decision is a direct result of the unbelievable betrayal you experienced, but it’s now a family conflict that’s deeply affecting your mother-daughter relationship.

This situation is not really about the name. It’s about your daughter’s struggle to reconcile the father she loves with the man who hurt you. She may see this as a way to have her father as a permanent part of her life, and unfortunately, she’s not fully considering how much this will hurt you.

• Nana_Pat: Oh honey, my heart just breaks for you. I went through something similar with my son and his father. It’s so hard when they just don’t get it. She’s young, and she probably doesn’t fully grasp the pain he caused. Be there for your daughter, and don’t let this man (or his new wife) win. He’s not the name, you’re the grandmother.
• EmptyNesterSue: This is a terrible act of family betrayal, and it’s not okay. Your daughter is an adult now and gets to make her own choices, no matter how hurtful. It’s hard to swallow, but your best bet is to accept it and try not to let it come between you and your grandchild. The name is just a name. Your love is what truly matters.

• Momof3Retired: This isn’t just about the name. It’s about a mother-daughter relationship that is being tested by an unbelievable family conflict. She needs to understand that you are the one who has always been there for her. It’s not too late to sit down with her and tell her your feelings. She needs to understand how this choice affects you.
• GoldenYearsGirl: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve seen this kind of thing happen before. The pain is real, but you can’t let his unforgivable act ruin your relationship with your daughter or her baby. You have to focus on the love you have for them. Try to find peace in knowing that you are the one who raised her, and no one can take that away from you.

What would you have done in this situation? Before you go, read the story of a grandmother whose DIL demanded she move out so she could move in. But the grandmother had other plans that no one expected.