My DIL Used My Grandkids to Get Money From Me—She Needs a Harsh Reality Check

Our reader, Oscar, is stuck between his love for his grandkids and the realization that his daughter-in-law might be manipulating him. Is it time to stop giving money or continue to support them for his son’s sake? How much should parents be involved in their adult children’s lives? Check out his story to see what happens next.

Hello, Bright Side,

My name is Oscar. I’m in my 60s. I have 2 beautiful grandkids that I love very much. So, every time they came to me and asked for money for their new “needs,” I gave. No questions.

One evening, I overheard my DIL talking to probably her friend and saying she couldn’t afford a spa day. But the very next day, after the kids had gotten money from me, she went. That looked weird, so I confronted her.

I didn’t really expect to hear, “Really, it’s none of your concern. It’d be better if you didn’t try to eavesdrop on me but taught your son how to earn money instead. It’s he who never gives us enough. Sometimes I have to save for tough times, and the kids just help me get by. And sometimes I need to relax. So you want to discuss it?”

To be honest, she shocked me. I told her that it’d be better to talk next time and left.

Yes, a part of me feels embarrassed for my son, knowing that he can’t fully provide for his own family. Now I don’t know if I should tell him that his wife’s been manipulating me or keep quiet and continue helping them for his sake.

Hi Oscar,

Thanks for reaching out! From your email, it’s clear you love your grandkids, and it’s natural to want to help out. But the situation with your daughter-in-law seems a bit more complicated. Let’s try to break it down to help you decide how to move forward.

Decide on your role in their finances.

You’ve been helping out your grandkids, but it seems like things are getting more complicated. Before deciding whether to continue or adjust your financial support, ask yourself:

• Do you feel your support is being misused or taken for granted?
• Is there behavior you’re uncomfortable with?

You don’t need to stop helping, but it’s crucial to understand whether your contributions are addressing actual needs or if they’re being used to maintain a lifestyle that you don’t agree with (like your daughter-in-law’s spa day).

If it feels like too much or you’re being manipulated, it’s okay to say no or change the way you help.

Possible options:

• Financial help for kids only: “I understand you might need to relax, but I’m not responsible for that. I’m ready to help financially, but I also want to make sure that the help I provide is being used responsibly.”
• Non-financial support: If you still want to be involved, offer help in ways that don’t require money—spend time with your grandkids, provide guidance, or help in other areas where you can be supportive without financial strain.
• Let your son take responsibility: If you’ve already helped as much as you can, it’s okay to step back. Let your son and daughter-in-law figure things out on their own, especially since they are adults and have to manage their own finances. You don’t owe them endless financial help, especially if it’s creating tension.

This situation comes down to what you’re comfortable with and how much you want to be involved in their financial decisions. Talk to your son if you think it will help clear the air, but don’t feel obligated to solve all their problems. Your role as a parent has evolved, and it’s okay to give them space to handle their own issues, while still being supportive in other ways.

Bright Side

Speaking of unsettling situations, here’s another story you won’t want to miss. A single mom found herself questioning her boss’s sudden visits to her home for “meetings.” When she shared her concerns with coworkers, she realized something was off. Read on to find out how this situation unfolded 👉👉👉 My Boss Kept Scheduling Random Meetings at My House—So I Asked Him to Stop, It Was Just Too Weird