My Ex Refuses to Take Care of Our Severely Ill Daughter Because He Has a New Baby

2 months ago

Having to take care of a child with a medical condition is one of the toughest situations parents have to deal with. And things can become even more complicated when one of the parents no longer wants to share this responsibility. A woman decided to turn to the internet to share her heartbreaking story when the father of her child tried to shirk his duty of taking care of their daughter.

A woman was disappointed by the father of her child.

My ex and I have a 13-year-old daughter, Nicole. Nicole has several medical conditions that require a lot of attention. She will need some sort of in-home assistance for the rest of her life. While we have an aide to help a couple of days a week, it is still a challenge.

The outcome of Nicole’s condition became clear when she was 2. At that point, my ex and I agreed we wouldn’t have more kids because it wouldn’t be fair to anyone. There’d be no way we could focus attention on two kids. Someone would lose out in this situation.

We divorced when Nicole was 5. We originally had 50/50 custody. 3 years later, my ex remarried. His new wife, Callie, is nice. My ex did say that she didn’t understand the severity of Nicole’s condition. I figured there was a learning curve.

Eventually, Callie basically said she wanted to be hands-off. Which I respected, though I wondered how it’d work considering Nicole lives with them half the time.

Last year, my ex and Callie had a baby. I was a little surprised given my ex was always firm on not having more kids but figured it wasn’t any of my business. He did begin to complain that it was a lot of work juggling Nicole and the baby. I sympathized, but really didn’t know what else to say.

Recently, the venting got worse. He said Callie yelled at him for taking Nicole to her physical therapy appointment instead of helping her with the baby.

He brought up potentially having Nicole stay with me more. I wasn’t entirely shocked, but it pissed me off. I said Nicole was his daughter. He can’t just abandon that responsibility. He asked what he was supposed to do about the baby.

I said, “Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you procreated? I mean, really, we discussed this 10 years ago as to why it’d be hard to juggle two kids. Why did you think having another would be a good idea?” He got quiet and said Callie wanted a baby. I said that isn’t enough of a reason, and maybe he should’ve thought harder before bringing more life into this world.

The conversation ended with me saying I’d call my lawyer, and we could arrange for him to have less custody, as I’d rather my daughter be properly cared for than be viewed as a burden. Callie called me that night, very upset that I had made my ex cry and that I said her baby shouldn’t exist. I said that’s not what I said completely, more that they didn’t think it through.

Redditors quickly took the mom’s side.

  • “I assume Callie had this dream of Nicole magically disappearing over to your place, so she and ex can have just their happy new trio. You are absolutely correct to hold him accountable, especially if Nicole has the mental capacity to be aware she’s being shut out.” Only-Ingenuity7889 / Reddit
  • “As part of a family where someone has a child with significant special needs and a toddler, it can absolutely be done. It just takes patience, planning and working together. The fact that there are three parents in the equation should make everything easier.
    Callie is just wrong. The dad shouldn’t have had a baby with a woman who wasn’t willing to put in the work with his current child. He is selfish.
    Nicole was part of the deal. If Callie wasn’t going to accept that, then she needed to either choose to go or the dad should have asked her to leave. I am sad for Nicole and sad for that new baby. I am so annoyed/angry with that Callie and the dad.” GullibleW***r / Reddit
  • “Callie seems to think Nicole is just some child they babysit sometimes rather than her husband’s actual child.” nerdyviolet / Reddit
  • “I grew up with this kind of step-mom. No signs of children living in her house allowed, and we always felt like guests. She was never a mother figure.
    As soon as we were adults, she pressured my dad into moving out of state and pretended like we never existed. Thank goodness she never had any bio children. Poor Nicole.” Whisper_Moon_61 / Reddit
  • “A lot of people don’t want to hear ‘you should be practical’ when it comes to having more children, but it should be said way more often. Hold them accountable; it’s his daughter and Callie chose to marry him knowing he had a special needs daughter. If she didn’t ‘fully understand’ the situation, that’s on her. Those are questions that should be asked and answers that should be understood before saying ‘I do.’
    Get custody and get child support.” SpaceyScribe / Reddit
  • “Callie was only worried about the family unit she was planning and didn’t want to be inconvenienced by the fact her husband and his daughter were already a unit.” somewhatundercontrol / Reddit
  • “He’s finding out that the decision long ago was the right one. He needs to understand that he made the choice to have another child, but he still has a huge responsibility to his first one. He can’t just push her aside. Go after full custody and all the child support the law allows. You’re going to need it for your daughter’s care for the rest of her life.” Fearless_Ad1685 / Reddit
  • “I’d feel bad for Nicole if her dad just leaves her life, since you said Nicole lives with them half the time. She’s 13. Definitely old enough to know that she used to see dad a lot, and now suddenly he’s never around. Maybe it turns into 60/40 custody or something, but I hope he stays in her life, even if it is less than it was originally.” FrostyIcePrincess / Reddit

Dealing with ex-spouses when there are children in the equation can prove to be tricky. Recently, we wrote about a woman whose cheating ex-husband unexpectedly turned up at the door with his son, asking her for help.

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