My Family Cut Me Off, and the Truth Behind It Shattered My Heart

Being a parent doesn’t come with a guidebook, and sometimes, even with the best intentions, things can go wrong. One mother, who always prided herself on having a close bond with her children, suddenly found herself shut out of their lives. Confused and heartbroken, she’s now reached out to us for a way to make things right.

A distraught mother reached out for advice.

Hi Bright Side, I need your help.

My name is Beth, and I’m 58 years old. I’ve always had a great relationship with my four kids (aged 23-31). I would actually consider myself more of a friend to them than a mother. When I divorced their father, I started to lean on my children much more, and they were always there for me. This all changed in an instant.

One day, I woke up to find myself removed from the family chat. My kids had blocked me. Terrified something awful had happened, I drove to my oldest son’s house and knocked until he opened the door. When he finally did, what he said shocked me.

Her son lay down a hard boundary.

He wouldn’t let me inside and said, “Mom, you need to give us space. The constant messages, reminders, and calls. It’s too much.” I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t see this coming at all.

Tears welled in my eyes. “I was just trying to stay close to you,” I replied. I know I’m more active on the group chat than they would probably like, but I can’t help it. I love them so much and when every little thing I see reminds me of them, of course I have to send it their way.

He softened, but didn’t back down, “We know, but we’re adults now. Just let us breathe a little.” I was horrified. Since when did growing up mean you no longer wanted to stay in contact with your mother? And why couldn’t they have just asked me to lay off instead of taking such drastic measures?

When I asked him as much, he sighed and said, “We have, mom. Many times. It’s like you don’t hear us.”

Who is in the wrong here?

Sure, they’ve made jokes about my constant messaging, but I never thought they were serious. I thought they were just teasing me. We’ve always been so tight-knit, and I’ve been able to speak to them about anything, I just wish they would’ve felt comfortable speaking to me seriously about this.

I never meant to overstep, but I can’t wrap my head around how they can simply disregard their own mother. How do I make them understand?

Our advice to you.

First of all, Beth, thank you for writing to us. It can be difficult to ask for help when you need it. This situation sounds complicated and distressing, but we’ve got no doubt you’ll work through it with your kids. It might not be an easy journey ahead, but here is some advice that may help:

• Give them the space they need: It’s natural to want to stay close to your kids, but as they grow older, they need room to navigate their own lives. While your messages may come from a place of love, too much communication can feel overwhelming. Instead of texting constantly, try setting designated check-in times that work for everyone.
• Listen without defensiveness: Your son’s words may have hurt, but they also revealed something important: your kids have tried to set boundaries before. Take a step back and reflect—have they expressed their need for space in the past? Acknowledging this and showing that you’re open to change can help rebuild trust.
• Redefine your role in their lives: Your relationship with your children is evolving. Instead of being the parent who checks in on every little detail, focus on becoming a supportive figure who is there when they need you. Let them come to you rather than always initiating contact.
• Find a balance that works for everyone: Family dynamics shift over time, but that doesn’t mean the bond is broken. Have an open conversation about what communication style makes them feel comfortable. Would they prefer a weekly call? Occasional texts? Finding a compromise will help strengthen your connection without overwhelming them.

No matter how old they get, your kids will always love you, even if they need space to grow. The key is to respect their boundaries while keeping the door open for meaningful connection. And if you ever start to doubt just how much a mother’s love means, these heartwarming stories will remind you.