My Friend Used Me Like an ATM—Until I Finally Gave Her a Lesson She Won’t Forget

You know that sinking feeling when you realize you’re being used? That happened to our reader — always covering dinners, rides, even excuses. Her friend’s birthday was the last straw. She decided to stop being taken for granted, and the fallout taught them both a lesson about respect.

Her story

For years, I was basically my friend’s walking ATM. Every time we went out, she’d “forget” her wallet, claim her card “wasn’t working,” or just straight-up expect me to cover her. I put up with it way too long.

The final straw? Her birthday. She invited me to this super expensive restaurant, just the two of us. She went all out — cocktails, appetizers, dessert, the works.

When the check came, she slid it across the table, grinned, and said, “You’ll pay, right? It’s my birthday.”

I just smiled back and said, “That’s funny... because on my birthday, you didn’t buy me a present or even cover my meal.”

The look on her face was priceless. Then I stood up, said I needed the bathroom... and walked out. Never went back.

That was the night I retired from being her personal ATM. Not revenge, just finally teaching her the lesson she’d been begging for.

Red Flags Your Friend Might Be Using You.

We all want to believe our friends are in our lives for the right reasons — laughter, support, and real connection. But sometimes, it hits you: “Wait... am I being used?”

Being “used” doesn’t always mean money. Some people use others for convenience, status, or simply because it benefits them. The signs can be subtle, but once you spot them, it’s hard to ignore.

Here are some red flags that your “friend” might be more interested in what you can do for them than in you.

💸 When It’s About Money

• They dodge the bill. Every group dinner ends the same — they pay less than their share or “forget” their wallet.
• They never offer to treat. Coffee, rides, or birthday gifts? They’re never the one reaching for their card.
• They justify not giving gifts. They claim “it’s about the thought, not money,” but somehow the “thought” never costs them anything.
• They avoid being first at the bar. Always in the bathroom when it’s their turn for rounds.
• They act broke (but aren’t). They whine about having no cash, then post vacation pics the next week.
• They expect you to pay. Skip once after covering them five times, and they’re suddenly annoyed.

🚕 When It’s About Convenience

• They only reach out when it benefits them. Need a ride? Need a plus-one? Suddenly you’re best friends.
• They disappear when they move. The “friendship” was just geography.
• They get angry when you’re unavailable. Your wedding clashes with their dinner party? Somehow, you’re the selfish one.
• They avoid paying for transport. Never book the Uber, never want to be dropped off last.
• They only talk when no one else is around. If they’re alone, you’re their lifeline. Otherwise, radio silence.

How to Stop a Friend From Using You (Without Blowing Up the Friendship).

When you first met them, they were funny, charming, and real. But over time, you noticed the cracks — self-centeredness, controlling the group, and expecting you to pick up the slack whenever they needed something. You’ve watched them exile other friends who spoke up, so you keep quiet. The last thing you want is drama.

So, how do you protect yourself without sparking a war? Let’s start with what not to do.

❌ Don’t Confront Head-On

Calling them out may feel satisfying in the moment, but it can backfire. Friends with narcissistic tendencies often deflect, deny, or twist your words to make you look “mean” or “aggressive.” Instead of gaining insight, they may roast you behind your back.

❌ Don’t Over-Explain

Sharing how you feel seems fair, but a manipulative friend may use that info later to guilt-trip or hurt you. Keep your emotions safe and private.

❌ Don’t Name-Call

Even if they’ve been awful, avoid labels like “selfish” or “mean girl.” It won’t change them — it just gives them ammo.

✅ What To Do Instead: Empathize, Don’t Enable

The secret is to show compassion while standing firm. Let’s say your friend asks you to help with a project — in the past, you ended up doing the whole thing. This time, try:

“I know this stresses you out, and I’m here for you. But I can’t come over. I’ll cheer you on from afar — you’ve got this!”

They may push, guilt-trip, or demand reasons. Don’t take the bait. Stay kind but firm:

“I know you’re anxious. I’m rooting for you. I can’t be there, but I’m sending good energy your way.”

If they bombard you with texts, ignore them for a while. Go for a walk, clear your head, let them cool down. Later, you can send a supportive message like:

“I know tonight was tough, but I’m proud of you for pushing through.”

🌱 Why This Works

You’re supportive, so they can’t accuse you of being cruel.

You avoid over-explaining, so they have nothing to weaponize.

You keep your power by saying no without guilt.

They might sulk or act cold, but they’ll have no “bullets” to use against you. Over time, they’ll either move on or respect your boundary.

Not every friend has to be your best friend. If someone shows strong narcissistic tendencies, it may be safer to keep them in the “casual buddy” zone. Boundaries aren’t rejection — they’re protection, and they allow you to keep your peace while avoiding unnecessary drama.

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