I Refuse to Feed My GF’s Kids, I’m Not an ATM

Relationships
month ago

We recently heard from someone who’s feeling torn. His girlfriend’s kids often throw away food that could still be eaten, and it’s starting to weigh heavily on him. He cares deeply about his relationship and doesn’t want this to be the thing that drives a wedge between them.

Mike sent us a letter.

Mike, 36, shared a story with us that many people could relate to. He opened his letter, saying, “Hi Bright Side! I’ve seen so many people writing you to get help and clarity, so I decided to be brave and tell you my story.” He then followed to explain what happened to him, “My girlfriend has 3 kids, which I adore. But what has been bugging me is that we deal with money in different ways.”

He went on to share that his girlfriend has had a tough time financially, and he truly respects how hard she works to care for her three children on her own. Wanting to support her, he offered to help with groceries. But from early on, he noticed a pattern—she often let the kids pick out whatever they wanted, and as a result, a lot of the food ended up sitting in the pantry until it expired:

“I grew up poor, and I hate seeing food wasted. My girlfriend is having money problems, so I help with groceries. She lets the kids pick any snack they want. Last time, they grabbed chips and sugary snacks. I checked the pantry and saw bugs in the open bags. When I told her it’s gross, she brushed it off.”

Mike couldn’t hold back his frustration. Instead of understanding his concern, she said he was making a big deal out of nothing.

Then Mike shared something even more personal—he’s been thinking about asking her and the kids to move in with him. But now he’s feeling stuck.

“This used to just bother me,” he admitted, “but lately, it’s starting to feel like too much. I was raised with very little, so throwing away food or spending on things we don’t need really gets to me. I don’t want this kind of energy in our home. What should I do?”

1. Consider the kids’ needs and perspective

  • Have a Kind Chat With the Kids: If they’re old enough to understand, sit down with the kids and talk to them in a gentle way about why throwing away food is a problem. Share how it makes you feel and why it matters to you.
  • Hear Their Side Too: Take time to listen. Maybe they don’t like certain foods, maybe the portions are too big, or maybe they simply haven’t been taught why wasting food matters.

2. Communicate calmly

  • Pick a Peaceful Moment: When you’re ready to bring this up again, wait for a quiet time when it’s just the two of you. Having this conversation without the kids around can help both of you feel more at ease.
  • Speak From the Heart: Try using “I” statements to share how you feel without making her feel blamed. You could say something like, “I feel really uneasy when food goes to waste because I care about saving money and being mindful of what we use.” Being honest but gentle can open the door to a more understanding conversation.

3. Establish clear rules and guidelines

4. Choose positive reinforcement

  • Use Rewards: Offer small rewards like extra playtime or fun stickers when they avoid wasting food.
  • Celebrate Progress: Notice and praise their efforts—it helps them feel proud and keeps them motivated.

5. Maintain consistency

  • Stay Patient: Behaviour change takes time. Keep showing up with calm and consistency.
  • Keep Reminding Kindly: Gently repeat the rules and explain why they matter—it helps the message stick.

Approaching this with care and understanding won’t just help with the food waste—it can also bring you closer as a family. When you show that you’re willing to work through things together, it sends a powerful message of love, respect, and commitment.

Don’t forget to check out another article by Bright Side about food waste. This time, you can learn 10 practical tips to avoid it!

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