Finances in blended families can get complicated fast—especially when it comes to big events like vacations. When parents, stepparents, and exes all have different ideas about money and responsibility, emotions can run high and children often end up caught in the middle.
One of our readers recently shared a story about her husband refusing to include her daughter in a family trip because the girl’s biological father wouldn’t cover her share.
Hi Bright Side,
My husband and I planned a trip to Italy this summer. We’re going with our daughter (13), our son (8), and I’m bringing my 14-year-old daughter from a previous marriage.
I’m a stay-at-home mom, and my ex-husband covers our daughter’s expenses. But when I told him about the trip, he refused to contribute. He said, “If your husband planned the trip, then he can pay for her too! I’m not a millionaire, and I am certainly not your husband’s ATM to cover his trips!”
But my husband also refused. He insisted we should only take our two kids and leave my daughter behind. I gave in and said yes. That night, without telling anyone, I secretly booked a ticket for my daughter on a different flight.
It's great you included your daughter. I think you need to set everything straight. He should never be so koi . Imagine the things he's said to her when you aren't watching. Kids don't say things because they feel guilty, often guilted into believing they are causing issues. She may believe you already know. I would be far more concerned about his behavior.
When we arrived in Italy, on the first night, I went to my kids’ hotel room, put them in a taxi, and took them to a much cheaper Airbnb that I had booked using my husband’s credit card. My daughter joined us there.
The next morning, my husband called in a panic, asking where we all had gone. I could feel how shocked he was when I revealed what I had done. I told him he could enjoy his luxury trip alone.
I may have ruined our picture-perfect family vacation, but I made sure all three of my kids had a good time, even if it was on a lower budget. Now that we’re back home, my husband refuses to talk to me. He says I was childish and irresponsible.
But I believe I did the right thing by protecting my daughter’s dignity.
Am I to blame?
—Charlotte
Thank you for sharing such a layered, emotionally intense situation, Charlotte. You were caught between loyalty to your daughter, the financial limits set by two different men, and the desire to keep your family united on a trip that was supposed to be joyful.
What happened wasn’t just about money—it was about fairness, motherhood, and blended family dynamics. Here are 4 suggestions that you can consider going forward, each tailored to the specific complexities of your story.
This situation goes far beyond hotel rooms and plane tickets. It’s about whether your husband truly sees your daughter as part of the family.
Ask him directly—not defensively, but openly—if he considers her one of his kids. If he doesn’t, that’s the deeper issue, and the trip simply brought it to the surface. Focus the conversation on the kind of family you want to build together, not just what happened in Italy.
You're going to be divorced again, good luck.
This trip revealed a major gap in financial support. Your ex refused to help because it wasn’t his idea, and your husband refused because she’s not his daughter. That left you stuck.
It’s time to sit down with each of them and set clear guidelines: who will pay for what in situations that affect your daughter’s sense of belonging? You need predictable support, not last-minute stress.
Right now, your husband is stonewalling you, which prevents any real healing. If he’s not ready to talk directly, suggest a session with a neutral therapist.
This isn’t just about resolving one argument—it’s about unpacking years of unspoken feelings and values around blended family life. A third party can help you both feel heard without spiraling into blame.
Your children saw something big unfold. Even if they had fun, they might be confused or unsettled. Take time to explain your actions clearly: you weren’t trying to cause conflict—you were making sure no one felt excluded.
Frame it as a tough choice made from love, not defiance. This moment is a powerful chance to show them what it means to stand up for fairness without turning anyone into the enemy.
Speaking of trips, Naomi’s daughter-in-law and son lied to her so they could secretly go away to celebrate their wedding anniversary—leaving her to babysit without knowing the real reason. Furious when she found out the truth, Naomi’s reaction shocked everyone. Her story has sparked a major debate. Read it here.
Wow, there's a lot to unpack here.
A. Expecting your ex to pay for your daughter to go on a family vacation when he wasn't part of rhe decision to go was pretty entitled on your part. I don't blame him for shooting you down like he did and you should apologize to him for putting him in that position.
B. You should never had said yes to your current husband about the trip unless and until your daughter was part of rhe package. By doing things the way you did, you yanked the rug out from under everyone and put your kids in rhe middle of it all.
Your current husband was wrong to exclude your daughter. You were wrong to let him think he got his way, only to hand him a Gotcha!" later. Your husband is wrong to ignore you like he is.You are wrong to talk this over with total strangers instead of with a marital counselor and your husband.
I don't know if this marriage can come back from your completely childish and selfish actions and expectations, or not. Add into this a husband who doesn't feel your daughter is part of the family.
You guys have a long bit of work to do on not just the marriage but yourselves. Growing up and using your adult words instead of trying to one up each other is a good start.
I'm curious about the timeline considering the two daughters are only a year apart in age; seems like the ex has a reason to be upset with the new husband.
The kids are old enough to be home alone after school. Get a job to make up the difference on things. She is your daughter stop relying on two different men to pay her way.
