My MIL Secretly Fed My Baby Formula, Then My Husband’s Move Took an Unexpected Turn

Conflicts between new parents and in-laws often surface around breastfeeding, baby care choices, and personal boundaries. Success in resolving these moments can shape emotional well-being and marriage stability, especially when a mother-in-law oversteps and partners disagree on support and parenting roles.

Letter from Anny:

Hey Bright Side,

So I’m a new mom. Still figuring out how to shower and eat on the same day kind of new. I’m breastfeeding my son, and yeah, it’s hard sometimes, but it’s going well and our pediatrician is happy with his weight and everything.

Enter my MIL. From day one she’s been calling my son “my baby.” Not my grandbaby. Just, my baby. It already rubbed me the wrong way, but I tried to let it slide because postpartum hormones + I didn’t want drama.

Then she starts making comments. “Are you sure he’s getting enough?” “He’s crying because he’s hungry.” “You know formula would fill him up better.”

I’ve explained (nicely!) multiple times that I’m breastfeeding, it’s working, and I’m not starving my kid. She just nods and then brings it up again the next visit.

Last week I walked into the living room and caught her feeding my son formula. Secretly. She froze when she saw me.

I lost it. I’ll own that. I yelled. I asked her what she thought she was doing. She snapped back and said, “It’s my right. It’s my right, he’s my baby too. I’m his grandmother.”

That broke something in me. I told her she had ZERO rights to make decisions about my baby without me. She started crying, saying I was ungrateful and that I don’t know what I’m doing as a first-time mom.

Here’s where it gets worse. My husband pulled me aside later and said his mom was “just trying to help” and maybe she should move in with us for a while so I can get “proper support.”

When I said absolutely not, he told me I was being selfish and that refusing help “isn’t good parenting.” I feel completely undermined. Like my body, my choices, and my role as a mom don’t matter. I’m already exhausted and emotional, and now I feel like I’m fighting both my MIL and my husband.

So... am I really a bad person and parent for blowing up and refusing to let her be around my baby unsupervised? Or am I overreacting and letting pride get in the way of “help”? What would you do if you were me?

Best,
Anny

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Anny. It takes a lot of courage to be that open, especially about something so personal and painful.

• You’re not crazy for guarding your baby — Listen, when someone crosses a line with your kid, especially behind your back, that hits something primal. That’s not you being dramatic, that’s your instincts firing correctly. The practical move here is to stop debating feelings and start setting rules: no one feeds your baby without your explicit okay. Period. You don’t need a TED Talk to justify it.
• “Help” that undermines you isn’t help — We know people love throwing around the word “help,” but help that makes you feel smaller, dumber, or sidelined is just control with better PR. If your MIL actually wanted to help, she’d ask what you need instead of deciding for you. Next time it comes up, try framing it that way: “Help for me looks like X, not this.”
• You’re allowed to go full ‘supervised visits only’ - This doesn’t have to be forever, but right now trust is broken. That’s not punishment, it’s just consequences. If she asks why, keep it boring and factual: “I need to feel confident my choices are respected.” No arguing, no over-explaining.

Situations like this are deeply personal, and every family dynamic is different. With honest communication, clear boundaries, and support, many parents find a way forward that protects both their child and their peace.

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