My Mom Is Retiring and Wants to Move In With Me; I Turned Her Down

While many believe it’s a sign of love and obligation to take in a parent when they’re retiring, the woman in this story had a different experience. Feeling conflicted, she turned to the internet to share her frustrations and seek advice.

She didn’t let her mother move in with her.

I’m 32. Last year, I purchased a two-bedroom house that fits me perfectly. My mother, who is 60 years old, is retiring and plans to move from our family home to my city.

She asked if she could use my spare bedroom to live with me instead of getting her own place. While I care deeply for my mom, I declined her request. I value having a guest room and my personal space too much to give it up.

My mom got upset when I turned down her request to move in with me, saying that families should stick together. She wants to be near me, and she thinks I’m being unfair by not letting her stay. I suggested looking for a more suitable and affordable 55+ community for her.

However, my mom refuses to consider any other housing options. She insists that I have enough space and should want her to live with me during her retirement years. She feels like I’m leaving her behind when she needs me the most.

I feel guilty because I’m not ready to have my mom move in with me at the age of 32, especially now that I finally have my own place. My brother thinks I’m selfish for not backing mom’s plan, but I believe her retirement shouldn’t mean sacrificing my privacy in my own home.

Do you think I’m making the wrong choice?

Many people showed their support and shared their own stories.

• «She can live with your brother. If he doesn’t want her there, she can find a place of her own.» ihateusernames999999 / Reddit
• «Don’t do it. My grandmother moved in with my aunt and uncle and was there for 40 years, driving them around the bend. She would criticize every dish they made, getting mad anytime they opened Parmesan cheese or a spice container, insist on going on vacation with them, and never let them buy any furniture or decorations she didn’t approve of first. It ruined their relationship with her and even though she’s been gone for 20ish years now, they can’t think of her with fondness.» 8percentjuice / Reddit
• «Anyone who can afford to retire at 60, should be able to find their own housing without imposing on anyone else.» AdventurousRoll9798 / Reddit

• «Don’t give her or your brother a key to your place. And I wouldn’t let her visit overnight either because she might refuse to leave. Or she’ll show up with her bags and ask to stay until she finds a new place, which will be never.» No_Confidence5235 / Reddit
• «You have a living arrangement that suits you. She is choosing to sell her house, and that choice should not burden anyone else. Stand your ground or it will only get worse. You are not responsible for her or the consequences of her actions.» crocodiletears-3 / Reddit
• «If mom is that selfish BEFORE moving in, she’ll be a real peach after she forces her way on you.»
  soonerpgh / Reddit

• «Don’t let her move in. You will become her retirement plan and servant. And you will never get her out.» FriedaClaxton22 / Reddit
• «If I was to guess, she can’t afford to retire without living with you (for free). It sounds like her living with you is assuming it’s at no cost to her. So, she likely doesn’t have the money to live anywhere else. She’s essentially trying to use you as a means to retire before she’s really financially capable of retiring.» alanonymous_ / Reddit
• «I’m a 60+ year old woman, with adult children. You need your own place and she can be an adult and arrange her own housing.» cappotto-marrone / Reddit

Despite the ongoing conflict, we hold onto hope that with time, things will improve. Maybe during moments of calm reflection, her family will grasp the genuine reasons behind her choice and recognize the significance of respecting personal boundaries.