My Mother-in-Law Humiliated Me on My Birthday—My Revenge Was Obedience

People come in all shapes and sizes, and so do mothers-in-law and family relationships. A Bright Side reader recently wrote to us with one such complicated dilemma. Her MIL was not only overly critical of her cooking, in stark contrast to the rest of the family, but went a little too far in her “criticism”. Cue malicious compliance!

This is her hilarious letter:

Hi Bright Side,

I can’t stop giggling as I’m writing this, but here are how things unfolded with my MIL, who is not a bad person, as such, but did take things a bit too far. We live close to our in-laws, and my husband’s family is close-knit, so we meet quite often.

Now, every family’s equation is different, and our goes like this. My husband and I have our chores sorted. I do the cooking, and he cleans. This suits us just fine, given that not only do I enjoy cooking, I am a better cook than him.

Most of the family loves my cooking and have complimented me on several occasions. But there is a problem. My mother-in-law critiques everything I make. Like every single thing.

I could have added more cream or less salt, or done it this way, or that way, or cooked it more, or cooked it less... The list is endless! She does so cheerfully, so I can’t take offense, but it’s getting on my nerves. She also has a problem with my food being too “flavorful” and “spicy.”

My MIL keeps offering advice to me on how to be a better cook. On my birthday, we hosted the family, and I cooked up a feast. Like, I really sweated in the kitchen (with ample help from my husband, so no complaints) and churned out a meal that Gordon Ramsay would not find fault in. Everyone raved about it. She kept quiet, so I was pleased, until she pulled out a birthday “gift” for me.

She had handwritten everything I usually make, like some 50 dishes, and added notes to it all so I could “learn” to cook better. Honestly, I was fuming on the inside, but I decided to try a different tack. I smiled, thanked her sweetly, and carried on with the celebrations.

The next time it was my turn to cook, I followed “her recipes” to the Tee — like not one thing out of place. Rather unsurprisingly, the meal was bland, and boring.

When one of my brothers-in-law asked me what I had done differently, I beamed and brought out my MIL’s recipe book, and told him I was following her recipes. Everyone laughed, and she went red in the face.

This happened again, and again, till one day, the book disappeared. It’s been a couple of months since then, and now there’s not a critical word about my cooking from her, only praise.

Clearly, my obedience was payback enough, and even my husband says it was an absolute boss move. Still, I wonder, should I apologize to my mother-in-law for taking things this far? Or should I let it go?

Love,
Carol

Firstly, thanks for writing to us, Carol. Your story did bring a smile to our faces because not only did it end up in diffusing a situation that could have gotten ugly, but it also showed us the funny side of relationships.

When it comes to your questions, here what we think you can do to move things to an ever better footing with your mother-in-law.

Have an honest, open conversation

One of the most important things that keeps any relationship running smoothly is communication. Whether you apologize or not is up to you, but having a heart-to-heart with your mother-in-law could make things better for the both of you. Pick up the phone and arrange a meet, maybe at your home, or even at a coffee shop.

Talk about how you felt when she did not appreciate your cooking and effort, and how the birthday gift she gave did not make you feel respected. Tell her that by following her recipes, you just wanted to show her how cooking is not so much a science for you, but an art, and you tend to cook your own, individual way.

Be a good listener too

As you present your POV to her, give her a chance to have her say. She may end up revealing something that surprises you, maybe she truly wanted to help and did so in a way that ended up making things worse.

It could be that her experiences have colored her thought process. Did she face something similar when she was your age? Did something happen to make her feel that what she did to you was the right way ahead? A simple conversation might clear the air even further, as long as you are a good listener.

Take care of your mental health and equilibrium

While it’s great to have a talk and listen to the other person’s POV, remember that you need to value yourself first, so others can follow suit. If the conversation doesn’t go in a fruitful direction, or if she cannot see why you had a problem and decided to act a certain way, simply agree to disagree.

As you said, she seems to have stopped with the critical comments, but in case she makes one again, tell her, politely, that you prefer to make the dish a certain way. Maybe next time, she can cook and bring something to the table, in case she doesn’t like your cooking that much.

The idea is to make sure she knows that when it’s your table, and your house, you are free to cook the way you like. The same as she is free to do so, at her table. Remember to be firm but polite, and defuse the situation, like you did before.

While Carol seems to have a handle on the situation between her and her MIL, we have another conflict between a husband and a frustrated, stressed-out, pregnant wife.