My Wife’s Friendship With My Male Colleague Is Making Me Question Everything

Having friends outside the relationship is healthy, but one reader started noticing red flags when his wife grew unusually close to his colleague. The situation hit a breaking point after he stumbled upon a message from the coworker that raised serious concerns. It left him feeling blindsided and unsure of who he could trust.

Your feelings are completely understandable, and it’s good that you’re looking for a way to make things better. We’ve put together some suggestions that might ease the tension and open the door to rebuilding trust—both at home and at work.

Shift the focus from accusation to emotion.

Right now, she probably feels like she’s being accused, which can cause her to shut down. But if you approach her with your feelings instead of pointing fingers, she may be more willing to hear you.

Explain how confused and hurt you were, not just by the trip, but by the fact that she didn’t include you in something that involved your coworker. By focusing on how it impacted you emotionally rather than making assumptions, you create a safer space for a real conversation.

Set clear expectations about boundaries.

Friendships outside a marriage are normal, but boundaries are essential, especially when emotions or secrecy are involved. It might be time for both of you to sit down and talk about what feels comfortable and what doesn’t.

Be clear that you’re not trying to limit her social life, but you need mutual respect and transparency to feel secure in your marriage. Boundaries aren’t restrictions; they’re agreements that protect the relationship.

Take a step back and reflect on the bigger picture.

Before this situation, how was your relationship doing? Were there signs of distance or disconnection that may have led to her forming a closer bond with someone else? This doesn’t justify her actions, but it can help you understand what might be happening beneath the surface.

Sometimes people form emotional connections elsewhere because they feel unheard or unseen at home. Reflecting on the relationship as a whole might give you insight into what both of you may need to feel more fulfilled again.

Give her time, but don’t ignore your own needs.

If she’s still not ready to talk, give her some space, but don’t let your feelings fester in silence. Let her know that you’re here when she’s ready, but you also need to feel emotionally safe and respected in the relationship.

In the meantime, take care of your own emotional well-being—whether that means speaking with a trusted friend or seeing a counselor. You don’t have to bottle this up. The goal is to move forward in a way that feels fair and balanced for both of you.

Another woman found herself in a tough spot when she began to worry that her husband might be involved in emotional infidelity. His coworker would casually refer to him as her “work husband,” bring him homemade meals, and give overly affectionate hugs. These little actions started to feel like more than just friendly gestures. Read her story here.