10 Stepparents Who Discovered Creative Ways to Bond With Their Stepkids

New stepparents often feel unsure about how to connect with their stepkids. While some struggle to break the ice, others find creative or unexpected ways to form strong bonds, and there are plenty of inspiring examples of what can work.

• I had a few stepmoms, but one did share some recipes and things from her upbringing that I brought with me into adulthood. Her mom was French, and taught her to make the best espresso in a moka pot, that we’d drink with really sweet creamer and whipped cream. © gaimanite / Reddit

• I put a lot of my childhood furniture in my stepkids’ rooms and gave them some of my toys I played with as a child, and I could see how much it meant to them. They are only 4 and 6, but they take much better care of the toys that were mine than they do their own. © LycheeSolid1440 / Reddit

• When my stepmom got pregnant, I felt like an outsider. I thought this baby would be her real child, and I’d go back to being the kid from a previous chapter. She invited me to the ultrasound appointment. I almost didn’t go. But afterward, she handed me a list of names and said, “You pick the middle name.” At that moment, I felt really special.

• My stepdaughter didn’t invite me to her high school graduation. Her mom was invited, of course. When I asked her about it, she shrugged and said, “It’s just for immediate family.”
  On the day of graduation, while everyone else was in the stands, I decorated her car with balloons and a banner that said, “We’re proud of you!” When she saw it, her face lit up. She even posted a picture of it on her Instagram.
  Her mom got angry. She accused me of “trying to steal her spotlight.” She even called my husband to complain that I was “manipulating” her daughter. But later that night, my stepdaughter texted me: “Thanks for the surprise. It meant a lot. Don’t listen to Mom.”

• When my stepson turned 17, he told me college didn’t matter to him. His friends weren’t going. He said he didn’t want to “waste time pretending.” But I knew he loved architecture. So I booked us a day trip. Just one university, just one tour. He rolled his eyes but came along.
  Halfway through the campus walk, he said, “I could actually see myself here.” That was all he said. He never thanked me directly. Months later, when he got in, he emailed the admissions letter to both me and his mom. Mine said: “Thanks for making me believe I could go somewhere.”

• So I (15f) have lived with my stepdad since I was 5. He’s always been a bit standoffish and very quiet. I’ve always been a bit scared of him. But today, I got home kind of late from school and basketball practice. I was worn out, but didn’t want to sleep because both my mom and stepdad get mad if I sleep after school. I ate dinner, then sat on the couch and curled up, watching my stepdad play his game. It was around 7 pm when I passed out.
  I woke up around 10 pm to my stepdad sitting next to me on the couch and rubbing the top of my head, and I almost cried. As soon as I moved, he pulled away and acted like nothing happened. It honestly made me feel like a little kid again, and the fact that neither of them woke me up also made me really happy. © Annual-Marsupial-703 / Reddit

• I’ve found that having a TV show to watch together is a great way to bond. You aren’t forcing anything, and it’s less time intensive than a movie (so good for weeknights). What I really like about it is that it gives you something to look forward to together. Then they also come to you as the stepparent, really excited, and say, “Can we watch an episode?” © Internal_Mirror / Reddit

• My stepdad raised me from 3 years old. His method of child-rearing was a bit unorthodox. We worked a lot. The entire time I was growing up, he didn’t say more words to me than an average novel. He led by example. Everything I’ve accomplished was from his quiet lessons. I didn’t understand then.
  It took me having my own kids to understand. He provided for a blended family of 6 kids. Never had much. Never went hungry. © redlloyd / Reddit

• My stepmother always encouraged my dad to do things just with me. Vacations, ski strips, dinners, etc. 35+ years later, she still does this. I carried that forward and encourage my husband to spend time with his kids without me just as I do with my son without him. © Equivalent_Win8**6 / Reddit

• When I moved in with my wife and her 10-year-old son, Max, I expected it to be rocky. He refused to speak to me unless his mom made him. One night, he yelled, “You’re not my real dad! Stop acting like it.”
  Then his mom got called into work late, and I was the only one home. He had a school project due the next day and looked panicked. I sat down beside him and quietly helped tape it together. We didn’t speak much. But when we finished, he whispered, “My dad never helped with stuff like this.”

It’s incredibly tough when a stepparent puts in the effort and gets nothing back but silence or coldness. In this story, a stepdad reached his limit after constantly trying to bond with his stepkids and getting shut out every time.