Sometimes parents cross certain boundaries with their children where forgiveness just becomes impossible. In this story, we see a girl trying to celebrate her graduation, a critical milestone in anyone’s life, only for it to be ruined by a phone call from her dad.
This girl tells us, “It was my graduation. I invited everyone in my family except my dad. He was never there for me and my mom when we needed him. He called, crying, asking why I didn’t invite him. I coldly said, ‘You can’t just show up for the photo after missing everything else!’ My grandma heard me, marched over to me, and said something that made me freeze.”
Her grandma held a different perspective, “You’ve gone too far,” she said. My heart raced as I stood there, stunned, while she demanded I apologize to him. While she is my dad’s mother, she has no right to intervene. My grandma knew that he had abandoned us for another family. But she glared at me and even threatened to involve the whole family, so I could learn how to properly respect my elders."
She concludes, “I decided to tell her, ’You don’t know anything, grandma! You’re obviously delusional if you think I’m going to give that man anything close to an apology.” A few days after that incident, she stopped talking to me altogether and practically vanished, until she sent me a heavy letter telling me that she won’t put me in her will.
She wants to cut me off completely unless I apologize to my father. The letter had so many pictures of my dad when he was young with my grandmother. In the letter, she mentions that they’re to “remind me of what family looks like.” I’m not sure what to do now."
Real easy tell her to take her money and shove it. Real family do NOT abandon each other!! Good God some people are disgusting. Tell the witch to F all the way off. Where is YOUR apology from your deadbeat dad?? Tell her YOU deserve an apology NOT her!! She sounds disgusting.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Respecting elders is important, but respect shouldn’t mean being quiet when you’ve been hurt. Your grandma likely sees this through a different lens, maybe guilt, loyalty to her son, or generational views on “family above all.” That doesn’t mean you were wrong, but how you express yourself matters. Instead of snapping, you could’ve said, “Grandma, I love you, but this is between me and Dad. He wasn’t there for me.” It’s firm but less confrontational.
If you value your relationship with your grandma, consider reaching out. Not to apologize for your feelings, but to clarify your intentions: “I didn’t mean to disrespect you. I’m just hurt, and I hope you can understand that.” If she’s open, a calm conversation might help, but if she’s set on cutting you off, that’s her choice. You can’t control her actions, only how you respond.
Family drama, especially around big life moments like graduation, is tough. It sounds like you’ve carried a lot of pain from your dad’s absence, and your feelings are valid. At the same time, family dynamics are messy, and elders often have their own perspectives (even if they’re not always fair).
This situation can teach us that while respecting the elderly is crucial, our boundaries are also important. Teaching that respect is critical for future generations, but they also must be wary of any dangers, such as the ones presented here.
So in order to guilt you about your father, your grandmother sent you pictures of him with his dad further proving that he knew how to be a caring and loving father who was there, because he had an example in your grandpa. I don't think she realized that's not the flex she thought it was. All that does is prove that your Dad was even more of a terrible father because he knew how to be a good father and chose not to be.
