Sarah never thought she’d be here, but she needs some advice. She’s feeling like the villain in her own home, and she’s not sure if what she did was right or wrong. She wrote to our editorial team to get feedback if she was doing the right thing. Here’s her story.
Sarah is married to a wonderful man, Mark, who has a 16-year-old daughter, Emma, from a previous marriage. Emma has been living with them full-time for the past six months. Initially, Sarah was excited about the prospect of growing closer to Emma, but things haven’t gone as planned. Emma’s a smart, strong-willed teenager, and they’ve clashed on several issues—mostly about house rules.
Sarah wrote, "From the beginning, I made it clear that there were certain expectations in our home. I believe in having a structured environment with clear rules to help everyone get along." These rules are:
Emma was used to a more relaxed environment at her mom’s place, and from day one, she resisted Sarah’s rules. At first, it was little things—leaving dirty dishes in the sink or ignoring her chores. Sarah tried to talk to her calmly, explaining why these rules were important for everyone’s well-being, but Emma would just nod and do the bare minimum.
The real trouble started with the curfew. Emma would regularly stay up past midnight on school nights, texting or browsing social media. This affected her mood and performance in school. When Sarah tried to enforce the 10 PM bedtime, Emma argued back, saying all her friends stayed up later and it wasn’t fair.
Then there was the screen time rule. Sarah wrote, "Emma’s phone was practically glued to her hand. She’d bring it to the dinner table despite repeated reminders to put it away. One evening, I firmly asked her to put her phone down during dinner. Emma exploded, shouting, “You’re not my mom! You can’t tell me what to do!”"
That was the final straw for Sarah. She felt disrespected and undermined. She discussed the situation with Mark, but he was torn. He didn’t like the idea of Emma being upset, but he also understood the need for rules. Unfortunately, he often sided with Emma, making it harder for Sarah to enforce anything consistently.
And this is the main reason why i will never date or marry a man with children. Cause the children r their entire world. Which is why i am child free its hard enough trying to enforce your rules on your blood children let alone your stepchildren. Also u have to make sure they r staying safe online, hard enough trying to protect them from real bullies at school its even harder trying to protect them from cyber bullies, where they can hide behind their computer, phone and tablet screens
One night, after another argument over chores and curfew, Sarah sat down with Emma. She told her calmly but firmly that these rules were not negotiable. If she couldn’t follow them, they’d have to reconsider her living arrangement. Emma glared at her and said, “Fine, maybe I should just go back to Mom’s then!”
Sarah didn’t want it to come to this, but she also couldn’t keep living in a household where there was no respect for the rules. She told Emma that maybe spending more time at her mom’s would be a good idea until they could all figure things out.
While she is in your house your rules should be followed and your husband should have your back.Your stepdaughter owes you a relationship, your her fathers wife, whether she likes it or not.
Emma packed a bag and left that night to stay with her mom. Mark was heartbroken and blamed Sarah for being too strict. She felt awful but also relieved. The constant tension had been unbearable.
Now, Sarah is left wondering if she did the right thing. She wants to have a good relationship with Emma, but she also believes in maintaining structure and respect in their home. Has anyone been through something similar? How do you balance enforcing rules and maintaining relationships with stepchildren?
Sarah would greatly appreciate any advice or insights on how to navigate this family drama. Your comments on finding a balance between enforcing rules and maintaining a healthy relationship with stepchildren would be invaluable.
If it was my house, and she didn't want to follow the rules plain and simple she would not be allowed in my house. Dad could definitely see her outside of the house, but in no way would she be staying at my house.
The step daughter should have more respect for her stepmother. That being said, her father needs to step up and let it be known that HE won't tolerate the daughter showing out and disrespecting his current wife. The fact that he didn't speaks volumes about their relationship. If I were stepmom, I would be planning an exit strategy.
Never heard of a 16 year old having a bed time. Curfew. yes. But, Not really Step's business, Is her father & mother''s duty, maybe.
Chores in common areas of home Yes. Daughter's room 7 HER CLOTHES, her business. until or unless becomes a health hazard. Astep mother is definitely overstepping, with her im the new sheriff in town act.
The husband is a spineless jellyfish. Those rules are more common sense then strict. What 16 year old can't clean up after themselves? Pathetic. The daughter is doing all this just for spite! Probably with the moms help.
Sit down with her and let her have a say in the rules she is being asked to follow. Explain why you have made the rules you have, why you feel they are important. Listen to what she has to say about them and be both of you need to be flexible.
Nobody likes to follow rules when they are not represented in the creation of the rules.
