I Invited My Son’s Ex to Thanksgiving. The Police Was Called

Holidays are meant to bring families closer, but for Olivia, this Thanksgiving took an unexpected turn. Hoping to do something thoughtful for her grandkids, she invited her son’s first wife to dinner. What she didn’t expect was how much this would upset his current wife—leading to a heated argument that threw the whole celebration off course. Caught in the middle and unsure how to fix things, Olivia reached out to us for advice.

Here is Olivia’s letter

Hi Olivia! Thank you for sharing your story. We’ve prepared some tips that can help you navigate through this situation.

Apologize for diminishing your daughter-in-law’s role

Understand that inviting your son’s ex-wife without talking to his current wife first may have made her feel disrespected, especially in her role as part of the family and the home.

Apologize to her directly for saying, “She’s more family than you are.” Let her know you said it out of concern for the kids, not to hurt her or ignore her place in the family. Remind her that she is an important part of the family, and promise to include her in future decisions moving forward.

Suggest a separate celebration for the children’s parents

To help prevent arguments in the future, suggest having two different celebrations for the kids—one with their mom and another with their dad and stepmom. This way, the children can spend special time with both sides of the family without putting everyone in an uncomfortable situation. Make it clear that this idea is meant to keep things peaceful and focus on what’s best for the kids, not to choose sides or create division.

Set your boundaries and define living arrangements

Because you’re living in your son’s home, it’s important to be extra thoughtful about how things are handled. Take time to sit down with your son and his wife to talk about clear boundaries, especially when it comes to making decisions about family gatherings.

Let them know you’re willing to follow their rules as the ones who own the house, even if that means having less say in how your grandchildren’s special occasions are celebrated. This shows that you respect their home and their role in leading the household.

Talk about the police incident calmly

Let her know that you understand calling the police was a very serious step, and while it felt extreme, you want to talk calmly about it. Share that what happened was really upsetting and caused a lot of pain in the family. Focus on finding a way to heal and move forward together.

You can suggest family counseling or even therapy just for her, especially if she still feels like she doesn’t belong or isn’t welcome. Gently explain that involving the police when it’s not truly needed can hurt everyone, especially the kids.

Grandmothers are not always easy to deal with. For example, this man was abandoned by his wife and her mother to raise his daughter all alone. Decades later, his mother-in-law reappeared, making all sorts of demands.