Families don’t always run smoothly, and living together can bring both love and conflict. Blended families often face unique challenges with boundaries, responsibilities, and respect. Even something as simple as babysitting can spark disagreements that test patience and relationships. Recently, a reader sent us a letter about a difficult moment with her stepdaughter.
Dear Bright Side,
My stepdaughter, 20, is a single mom, and she lives here with us without paying any rent.
She works from home and looks after her son, who is 8 months old. Her father and I also have a son who is 2 years old.
I asked her to watch our son too while we’re at work. But she said, “2 kids are a lot. Hire a nanny!”
I replied, “Then it’s time to go,” and packed her stuff and placed them at the door.
My husband was quiet and didn’t react.
When she saw her luggage, she just smiled and said that she will leave tonight.
Hours later, I froze when I saw my husband’s luggage also placed next to hers at the door. I went to my son’s room and found my husband there, hugging him and telling him, “Daddy will be away for some time... But I will be back.”
I asked him what was going on. He said that he will move in with his daughter and grandson. He found an apartment for them, and he will stay with them for some time until they settle.
I shouted, “You can’t do this to me! I am your wife, and you have a baby boy!”
He looked into my eyes and coldly replied, “You have absolutely no right to place my daughter out of her home! So, you will have to deal with my absence too. You’re a horrible person!”
I was devastated. It’s clear now that my husband prefers his daughter to our son.
All I asked was for his daughter to babysit her half-brother. After all, she’s living for free under our roof! Was it too much to ask?
Yours,
Sharon
YTA!! She is working.. I work from home and I couldn't watch 2kids. I bet its hard for her to watch her son and work never mind yours. Your child is not her responsibility. You should have had a conversation with your husband instead of backing her bags. I don't blame his response. If my husband kicked my daughter out I would be leaving with her. You were throwing an adult temper tantrum and can't deal with the consequences.
Thank you for trusting us with your story, Sharon.
What you’re going through is heavy and painful — this isn’t just about babysitting, but about loyalty, fairness, and respect inside your family.
Here is our advice to you:
Your main argument was that because she lives rent-free, she should babysit your son. But housing and childcare aren’t automatically interchangeable.
Action: If what you want is financial contribution, propose a fair rent arrangement or shared expenses instead of childcare duties. This way, the issue is about money, not about forcing her into a “nanny” role she doesn’t want.
Your husband defended his daughter fiercely, but he overlooked how his actions affect your toddler too.
Action: Point out that by moving out, he’s choosing to leave your 2-year-old without a father figure in the home. Ask him to explain how his loyalty to one child justifies hurting another. This forces him to reflect on whether his choice is truly protective or just reactive.
Your stepdaughter isn’t just a tenant — she’s a new single mom with an 8-month-old baby. Caring for her own child may already feel overwhelming, so your request may have sounded like piling on more responsibility.
Action: Instead of framing the issue as her “owing” you, try acknowledging that she’s also struggling. Offer to swap support at times — for example, you could take her baby for an afternoon occasionally, and she could help you with something else in return.
Sorry to say but this is mean of u. If I understand correctly, this is her father's house too... where she lives with her baby. If the father is happily contributing to support your son, what's wrong with him supporting his other kid?
Right now, you feel sidelined — as if your marriage takes second place to his daughter. That imbalance can poison everything.
Action: Tell your husband plainly that your partnership can’t survive if he keeps making unilateral choices. Suggest couples counseling or mediation not to “defend sides,” but to rebuild trust and reestablish that both of you must be equally respected in family decisions.
Gemma is dealing with a completely different kind of challenge. As a vegan, she decided to celebrate her birthday at a meat-free restaurant. However, this choice led to conflict when her friends refused to pay for their meals.
How does she owe you exactly? What you have to remember is that this is HIS daughter you're talking about, and when you married him she became yours to. Would you kick your son out if he had a small child, and was alone in the world? You're husband did the right thing, and he clearly loves his son to if he was that sad to leave him. If it was me, I would have divorced you the moment you forced her to get out of the house for not wanting to do more work on top of an 8 month old.
Your stepdaughter is not your nanny!
YTA. I bet it's hard for SD to work & watch 1 kid let alone run after a toddler. OP shouldn't have kicked SD & the baby out. FAFO
