I Refuse to Cash Out My Retirement to Pay for My Daughter’s Fertility Treatments

It’s NOT your job to make your daughter happy. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness.

If you give in, you’ll be draining your retirement even more. Will she take you you when that happens?

There’s no guarantee another round of IVF will work either. If it doesn’t, she’ll be back again asking for more money.

Ron Mayberry

2 weeks ago

I cannot count how many times friends or acquaintances have adopted. Then shortly thereafter, they conceive a child. I have heard that when a couple adopts, the pressure to conceive a child is gone. They relax and get into life. Then they are surprised to find they are expectant parents! Also, offer to get together and talk about the problem. Sometimes sitting down at home and just sharing thoughts and feelings helps. No arguing or debating. Just talking. I would also strongly consider praying about it together and separately. Best wishes and prayers for you all.

Liz

Ron Mayberry

I have a friend that couldn’t have a baby either. They chose to apply for adoption. Suddenly right after they got their son she found out she was pregnant with twin girls. She actually nursed all three babies. Now they’re all grown and have babies of their own. My friend retired and couldn’t be happier!

Wilma Findlay

Your a great dad but you can't give her every cent you earn what are you going to live on.plus. putting pressure on you is going to destroy the relationship you have with her now. Support her in other ways ensuring your by her side every step of the way .

Susan Hughes

Do not let them guilt you. If they cannot afford the IVF then how can they afford a child?

Susan Hughes

Sadly when you are trying so hard to get pregnant and have empty arms it makes you a little crazy. Adoption is not as pricey but there are not enough babies to go around. Offer them some grace because they are truly hurting.

Cheryl Cadwell

We are NOT talking about getting a puppy here. How about OFFERING SOME GRACE to a CHILD that needs a home? Not enough "babies"? Only if you are a selfish jackass. Having a child DOES NOT mean that you have to start with a BABY. This man HAS ALREADY HELPED, more than enough. Would YOU want your parent to go broke, just so YOU can have a "BABY"?
To quote Mick Jagger
" YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT" etc.....

100%

There are lots of kids who need homes

Gail Sloan Sorley

at the age of 62, you are still young and could have life for another 20-30 years....$150,000+/- is a good amount, but you need to prepare for YOUR future in case you fall ill or have to move to a care facility in the future, and prices are rising, not decreasing...you've already helped your daughter with the IVF twice and it didn't "take", there is no guarantee a third round would work...DO NOT bankrupt yourself for your daughter to pursue a dream that may not materialise....what will be next? see your house if your own one? go out to work, take a second job, to fund her baby dream? you've already helped her twice, now it's time to tell her no more, and MEAN IT....even if she tries to make you feel guilty or gives you a hard time, her baby dream is between her and her husband, you've already helped twice, enough is enough....don't back down and don't give in....she wants a child? she can always pursue adoption there are plenty of children who need somebody who loves them....

Gail Sloan Sorley

There are not enough babies to go around and I have no idea who told you that. There are many children who need loving homes, but few are adoptable. Most of the kids in the system are in need of foster homes and are only left in the same home for a few months at a time.

Cheryl Cadwell

WHAT TF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? PEOPLE WHO WANT "BABIES OF THEIR OWN" AREN'T EQUIPPED TO BE PARENTS. 7 BILLION PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH, THERE ARE PLENTY OF ADOPTABLE CHILDREN. WE DON'T NEED ANY MORE PUPPY MILLS FOR BABIES.

Liz

Gail Sloan Sorley

Agreed except that $150k is not enough to retire on with social security alone. Inflation will continue and social security will be cut in 2030 (I’ve heard) dad needs to prepare for retirement or some other life-changing situation.

I counted on working until 65 or 67 but due to an injury, I had to retire at 62. We’re struggling now.

Cate Adlam

It isn't up to you to get her the money, that privilege belongs to her husband

linda kmiecik

One thing she doesnt get is the harder you try is putting stress and anxioty with strain on relationship is also not helping her to conceive. If she stops trying to rush it and stop relax and let it happen naturly it will happen if its ment to be.

Amy

I totally understand where you are coming from. Have they considered adoption? When your on a plane and the little mask falls you have to put it in yourself first. You gave her money already that would eat up alot of your retirement. It might be a difficult conversation to have but they need to consider other options.

Hi, Victor,

This situation is heartbreaking and reflects a very real family conflict many parents face when money and family collide.

You already helped a lot. Refusing to cash out your retirement savings doesn’t equal choosing money over your grandchild.

You’re facing a painful retirement money dilemma, and choosing not to destroy your own future while paying for fertility treatments is not selfish. You’re choosing not to chase something no one can promise will happen. IVF costs are high, and IVF doesn’t come with guarantees—even when people pour everything they have into it.

What worries us most isn’t that she’s childless right now. It’s that she’s drowning in debt and hiding it. That’s a clear sign of financial stress, and it often shows up when someone is overwhelmed by an infertility struggle and losing perspective. She’s not thinking clearly anymore.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth many families avoid: parenthood does not include a moral obligation to bankrupt yourself when helping adult children. This is where financial boundaries matter most.

If you give her this money, you might buy temporary peace in an already painful parent-child relationship. But if this new attempt doesn’t bring the desired result, will you be expected to cash out more? That kind of pressure only deepens parental guilt and creates long-term fear that can follow families for years.

Tell her you love her. Tell her you’re scared for her. Tell her you can’t give more money, but you won’t disappear.

Bright Side

ROSE LINE

20 hours ago

Children born in white home are so lucky after being married still depend on your parents instead of your husband God I have never been favored before by anyone in my life people always take the little I have i hope someone will locate me and favour me

Family financial pressure doesn’t always involve fertility struggles—sometimes it’s the opposite. One reader refused to give $10K to her pregnant sister and was labeled ungrateful. Years later, a shocking email revealed her parents had been lying to her all along: I Refuse to Help My Pregnant Sister, and I Don’t Feel Guilty

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Cheryl Cadwell

If she is going into debt to HAVE a child, HOW can she afford to RAISE a child? HOW can YOU support yourself, if you give her ALL of YOUR money? Big mistake, for both of you.

Julianna Carson

What happens if this cycle of treatments fails, too? Does she come back for ANOTHER $18,000, and keep coming back until you have nothing left? And what is her husband's contribution in all of this? He told you that your daughter is selling HER possessions, but it doesn't sound like he's doing much to help, and that should be HIS job--not yours. I understand that struggling with infertility can be emotionally devastating, but at this point, what your daughter needs is serious psychological counseling, not more IVF treatments. Remember, "You don't have to set yourself on fire in order to keep somebody else warm"--even if it's somebody you love

Birdie

Infertility is a terrible thing to go through, but expecting a parent to bankrupt themselves ins’t fair either.
Your savings can’t guarantee her a child. Time to stop.

Julie