I Refuse to Hand My Retirement Fund to My Daughter—I’m Not Responsible for Her Adult Failures

Until a person dies, any money and property belongs to them so if they want to spend it they can, I hope this woman took her daughter out of her will.

Hi, Bright Side,

I’m 67 and selling my house to travel while I still can. My daughter demanded I hand her the money for her down payment instead. “You owe me this!” she screamed. I said absolutely not.

That night, her husband called, raging, “If you’re not helping her, you’re ruining her life!” He went on and on, but I stayed calm. I love my daughter, but I also know I spent decades helping her grow, and now it’s her turn to handle her own choices.

I feel guilty sometimes, like I’m being a bad parent. But I also don’t want to sacrifice my retirement dreams for someone who has already made adult decisions that led her here. I need advice on how to stick to my decision without feeling like I’m cruel.

How can I love her and still protect my future? How do I make sure she understands I’m not abandoning her, just refusing to bail her out again?

Please help,

Helen

Thank you, Helen, for sharing your story with us. We understand how hard it can be to draw the line with family, especially adult children. We hope the advice below helps you navigate this situation with clarity and confidence.

Patrick Chapman II

Whe my brother tried that I offered to help look at his budget to help him get better. He didn't like it it would have helped if he was willing.

Laurie Shafer

When we get older, we don't have much left. Take the time to enjoy yourself and have great time. Your daughter needs to respect this and if she can't, just walk away from it. She'll eventually understand.

William Standage

Stick to your guns you have worked all your life to retire the way you want to don't let anyone take that from you

Kimberly Croteau

Tell her you love her, as well as your son in law , but love is not conditional on financial support. If all parties are in agreement, maybe a loan that would have to be paid back. That’s what my in laws did for me and my hubby and we paid every cent back. If that is not an option , then explain to them both that if you are to be able to live out your dream, then you just don’t have the funds. Ultimately you owe them no explanation but she’s your daughter and if she lets this become a barrier in the relationship, that’s on her. Personally if my child did that, she would not get a penny, but that’s my personality.

Misty Souders

Apparently neither your daughter nor her husband seem to understand that you are not their personal atm machine. Thats called financial abuse. Its waay past time that they both grew up and and start budgeting for their house. Don't tell em. Sell your house and go travel the world and quite taking their whinning phone calls about them needing money.

Ouranos

Your money is yours, this is called financial abuse and your daughter and her husband should both be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. You worked hard to get your house, you worked hard to sell your house, the money's all yours. Enjoy your retirement and travel. Forget you even have a daughter because she doesn't treat you like family. She treats you like an ATM She can abuse whenever she wants.

Tamera Jones

You did your job you made sure she made it to her 20s it's her and her husband's time to grow up and be an adult. Adulting is hard but every single one of us has to do it. We all choose our course don't let her bully you into taking your retirement away you've earned.

Tim B

This one is easy, simply don't talk about it. Refuse to acknowledge that they are asking for money, pretend that nothings being said at all, while they are arguing with you, think of something unrelated to say for once they've finished. Have fun, she may be your daughter but she's not a child, when people take you for granted treat them with contempt.

I don't agree with her demanding money from you, but equally you can't make a selfish decision without feeling bad about it. The feelings you're having means something is out of balance. Deep down you possibly value generosity and supporting your daughter. This decision in conflict to that value. The give away is in your word "cruel". That's a harsh word and you could have chosen softer words, but a part of you feels cruel because you are in conflict with your own values. Give her a generous sum - you'll feel better about yourself.

I wouldn't give her a dime...she is a whole married women..she chose to share her life (give away the honey) to someone not abke to provide.
Being able to financially provide for the Family (him & his wife) is his job, not yours....now if you chose to gift them a small portion please dont let it be because of their temper tantrums...your money, your choices

3 weeks ago

This comment is in the X-files.

Michael Vandermarliere

I disagree with you, sorry it's the mother's money to keep, she doesn't owe her daughter anything. Upon reading her story, the daughter and the husband sound like they're entitled, this isn't something you'd see on All in the Family, that's for sure! 😄

3 weeks ago

We've got nothing to hide. Except this comment.

Carol Allison

Mom is 67, telling me the daughter is in her mid to late 30s at least. Possibly in her 40s. She's not some young college kid anymore. The real reason mom feels guilty is because her daughter is an entitled narcissist and those people are good at making others feel guilty for having healthy boundaries. Why are you suggesting the victim of narcissistic abuse should hand money over to their abuser? You really think a victim shouldn't be allowed to live (retirement ain't cheap) so her victimizer can buy a house? Thats nuts.

3 weeks ago

Big Brother is watching you.

John Roy

Your response suggests to me that you have no idea that the request will continue and continue until there's nothing left for her to give.

Patricia Potts (Kathy)

It's cruel to enable an adult by continuously bailing them out of their own mess. No one is entitled to an inheritance. The writer is not being selfish! Everyone these days seem to think they are entitled to things they did not earn

Margaret Gee Emm

Nope, nope, nope. This daughter has emotionally and financially abused her parents, especially mom. The ATM is closed!! Parent guilt is a big, strong feeling. Yes, it is revealed by word choice. But there's NO reason to feel guilty. Giving $$ now would feed and embolden the person who's abusing them. NO, NO, NO!

3 weeks ago

HULK DELETE THIS COMMENT!

Bad advice

How is this woman who worked her life took care of her daughter who has a husband they need to work towards their goals not demand money so she is not selfish I'll never understand how people think they have the right to treat their parents this way so tell me why her mom owes her anything at this point except love and family

Yarielist Yggdrasil

(( “If you’re not helping her, you’re ruining her life!” He went on and on )) >> Just say "YOU ARE HER HUSBAND ! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO RUIN HER LIFE ! An eye 👁️ for an eye 👁️, a teeth 🦷 for a teeth 🦷

3 weeks ago

If comments are hidden, there's a reason for this.

You don't owe them anything, they are adults, why does she believe you are in training as some kind of saint? Kids!

Richard Anthony

Go to Las Vegas, put it all on Red at the roulette table. If you win give her your winnings. If you lose, problem solved.

Stephanie Chaffin

Richard Anthony

What if it lands on Green?

You got a job because you lived in a different time not because you are smarter. Nowadays everyone is struggeling. Go ahead a travel with your kids only hope for finential security but dont expect her to love you or look after you when you are old.

Gary Wing

Not sure if you stand what you mean are you saying he's at fault or are you saying she's at fault

3 weeks ago

The comment wasn't about avocados. Sorry, we had to remove it.

3 weeks ago

This comment was too good to show it to everyone.

Joanne Lamont

That's not fair. The daughter is a married adult. The mum has been looking forward to travelling in retirement. Why should she forgo this for a self entitled child? 😡

3 weeks ago

One simply does not let this comment remain here.

3 weeks ago

The comment didn't pass the sanity test.

3 weeks ago

Something crazy happened here... Sorry, it's a secret.

3 weeks ago

Oops. The comment was captured by a UFO.

10 percent of britain is homless or living at home and parenrs are going travelling with their strugelling kids inheritence. And people are encouraging this.

Kristy Hyatt

She is an adult who made her own financial mistakes. She is married. Why should her mother who has worked all her life and saved so she can enjoy retirement, give it to her married adult daughter? The daughter has plenty of time to grow up and learn to stand on her own while the mother may not have that much longer and should be able to enjoy what she worked for. You must live in your parents basement and are financially dependent on them.

Sandra Baety

Kristy Hyatt

If you dont want to then dont you know i am 62 years old i had to take care of my mom and dad i never asked for anything just me seeing how happy they were in there last few years on earth was the most i could ever ask from themmy parents owed me nothing i thank them for being my parents for this you should enjoy your life for how many years you have left look at the world and things that bring a smile to your face and that would make it all worth it love yourself because it been awhile since you looked in the mirror and said hi

Amen!

I would like to see the law that says *kids have to get an inheritance*
Parents should have done their jobs raising self reliant adults.
We should be able to enjoy our lives after raising kids and often grandkids.
And hopefully, if they choose to marry...they marry someone with some *hustle* in their blood...cant find a job; look around, start a business 😉

pat massie

It isn't an inheritance until the parent is dead! Until then, it's the parents to do with what they want. This daughter is at least thirty and is married, they will figure it out, or live in their car.

3 weeks ago

The comment is closed for renovation.

And ???

Dear Helen
You are not cruel. You have done your job raising your daughter. You need to protect your dreams and take care of yourself. You don't need to give your daughter any explanation. Your retirement money was earned by you to live a happy life in retirement. Good luck.

Rosamond Woods

Man danm her and go in peace ✌️

Jack Hall

Spend your money and enjoy the rest of your life. Your daughter is a buzzard and was waiting for you to drop dead so she could pick your bones clean. Now she's scared to death you will spend it all and she'll get nothing. Make sure she gets what she deserves, NOTHING.

Julie Hotson

Jack Hall

I don't blame her not giving the daughter all her hard earned cash that she has worked hard to save it to fullfil her dreams,
Good luck to her and a word of advice to the selfish daughter,
Get a job and save hard like your mum did, earn your own money to save and follow her dreams in later life,
Good on you mum

Matthew Layton

She's upset because your selling the house before u die as she wanted it when u die so she could cash in on it she only cares about her inheritance it's your house u can sell it when u decide to do a will leave here a little so she can't contest the will and give the rest to charity and tell her husband he doesn't have a say in what u do with your property go live your life if they choose to ignore u that's there choice they sound nasty anyway in australia where I live they would have been told to get f*$cked noone tells you what to do with something u own

Matthew Layton

If she said put some in a fixed deposit for later, or made any reasonable suggestions like, "stay safe, call us if you need anything, have a great trip, visit when you can etc. " you might consider her request l am just guessing here. I am in the same situation with my son but he just shuts down & he is $7,000 behind in his rent with no ideas of either moving out or paying up. They are from a different generation with complex problems & have no hope for their future. Generational wealth seems the only way ahead so you aren't alone. For your own future you could downsize to have somewhere to return to, but do not under any circumstances discuss this with her or give her the keys, the address or any hints or clues about your intended direction as she has shown her true desperation & anger.

Joanne Lamont

I agree. The child IS a buzzard. 😡

Clara Stallworth

It's implied that OP is downsizing to an apartment, as the house is much too big, and expensive, to keep. The profit from the sale of that house was sizeable enough that she could do the things she didn't have the time to do while raising a family, and still have enough left over to live comfortably. Daughter and her husband need to shut up, chill out and apply for a home loan somewhere!

Brendan Docherty

Sounds like she has a weak husband and she isn’t owed a dime.

Deidre Tranter

She has a husband? Why is he not taking care of his family just like you and your spouse took care of your family. Once she turned 18 and if she didn't go to collage, she is an adult and should be taking care of her own things. They should be helping each other get through life. Not depend on somebody else. You worked hard for that retirement and owe her nothing but love. If she keeps up, that could be limited to. Sometimes you have to cute them off so you can an stay healthy. Stress can make a person sick.

Dawn Divincenzo

Stick to your guns, she is not a teenager anymore.

Jason

Yeah she showed her true colors send her packing

Sorry, another thought: a friend of mine from college has five daughters. He told them all the same thing as they entered high school: if you go to college and apply yourself I will pay for your college and you can continue to live here. If you do not, you've got till your 18th birthday to find a job and move out. And once you've graduated (if you go) there will be no parental subsidies to keep you afloat. Sink or swim. All of his girls but one took him up on it. He hasn't heard from her, and he doesn't care.

Carol Mulder

Harsh that he doesn't care, but congrats on the success of the other 4.

3 weeks ago

Nobody. Should. See. This. Comment.

Zachary Fowler

Like my doctor says , sometimes no news is good news

I'm sure he cares... & wishes her success

Gloria Karam

Helen , you travel as planned , you did your job as a parent. Start packing and leave all this bs behind you . I believe you deserve it, who are they to tell you what to do . You go girl

Amy

The mother is not selfish the kid is. The mom worked hard and deserves time to travel.

Laurie Horton

I am the same age as you with grown children. I taught them that you have to work hard for the things you want in life. I'm surprised at how many people say you are being selfish. Enjoy your life. By the sounds of it she feels entitled to the money you worked hard for. Maybe she needs help managing her finances to be able to afford the things that you had to work for. Have a great vacation. Laurie H

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the mother is selfish here. You daughter needs help with buying her first home! If you simply don't care about your child then sure go enjoy your vacation!

3 weeks ago

This comment is beautiful but so out of place.

3 weeks ago

The comment was arrested by the vice squad.

Djiara Rashid

Her daughter is an adult, don't make her feel selfish because she wants to enjoy retirement. You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to make her feel guilty.

Tracy Pather

Djiara Rashid

Absolutely 💯 agree go enjoy your hard earned money 💰

3 weeks ago

You can't see a comment that isn't there.

B.S.

The mother is not selfish, didn't you read were she said, she has always helped her daughter. The daughter has no right to demand her mother continue to help her. The daughter thinks she's entitled

Valerie Dario-Rosset

Did you not read where her mother had bailed her out before? That she is in the situation she’s in because she made ‘adult decisions’ that put her where she is today? At some point the apron strings are cut and the child sinks or swims. She’s married, her husband should be helping her, not her mother!

3 weeks ago

We took this comment away to our comment museum.

Camicita Chiquita

She is not selfish. Her daughter has a whole husband. They should have been saving up. She don't have to give her dime. Let him ask his parents 🤣

3 weeks ago

Nothing will stay buried forever, apart from this comment.

Linda Riling

Her daughter needs to grow up and take care of herself. Not her moms job to buy her anything let alone a house. She oewd her nothing. Shame on your comment.. she is so not selfish. She deserves her retirement after working hard her whole life and bailing out her selfish entitled daughter. Your comment is so freaking wrong. No one but you thinks she should bail out her entitled selfish brat.

Linda Schomer Paris

Seriously, in what universe is it ok to act like this entitled brat and her useless good for nothing husband?

3 weeks ago

The comment was deleted by a neighbor's dog.

Loser

She is in no way selfish. She worked hard all her life and did her job as a parent. Her daugher is the one being selfish and very entitled to money that is not hers. If her daughter wants a home so badly, she should have saved enough money to afford a down payment alongside her husband or get a loan instead of demanding that her mother give up her retirement to pay for her house.

3 weeks ago

This is so personal that we just can't show it to you.

Keri

Did you not read where the mom has already helped her ADULT daughter who has an ADULT husband? The mother deserves to enjoy HER own money and travel while she can.

3 weeks ago

This comment was eaten by a raccoon.

3 weeks ago

The comment has been disarmed.

3 weeks ago

The comment has left, but promises to come back.

3 weeks ago

Was there a comment here?

Kyra Sorenson

Only an idiot would think like you do

Jo Townsend

How is the mother selfish and uncaring about her child for wanting to enjoy her golden years after working her life to do so? The daughter and husband are showing nothing but greed and entitlement

3 weeks ago

The comment has been deleted but it will stay in our hearts forever.

Ahmed Bentaleb

Pour l'instant , Elle ne merte rien; seulement :ellle aura sa part après votre décé..et point final::.

3 weeks ago

Ain't nobody got time for that.

Why isn't the husband responsible for his wife? Down-payment now, in 6 mos the Mother will have to help them with the mortgage...GTHOH

pat massie

She has helped her daughter and her son-in-law plenty. This woman worked and saved all her ADULT life. Her daughter is now an ADULT, time for her to stand up and get her own.

3 weeks ago

This comment will be published in 2236.

Well, you can waste all your money on just ONE trip or help your daughter buy a home for her family. The choice is obvious. Honestly, I can’t imagine a mother who would choose her own pleasures over her child’s stability

Tasha Ring

The daughter made her life now its time for her to pay her own way, the mother has done everything the daughter ever wanted an needed its now mom's time to chill

3 weeks ago

The comment was deleted. Go home guys.

3 weeks ago

No comment? Pass the wine, please.

Jim

It's the mother's money to waste! Let the daughter and husband pay their own bills and stop freeloading off of her mother.

3 weeks ago

The comment has hidden itself outside our galaxy.

Luz Gil

It is her money. She has helped her daughter in the past. Her daughter is as selfish as you seem to be.

3 weeks ago

Shhh! The comment is asleep.

3 weeks ago

You can't hide three things: the Sun, the Moon and the truth. But you sure can hide a comment.

Hope Tirendi

When does the daughter start earning her way in life??? That's what we as parents do teach them to fend for themselves cause nobody else will support them out in the real world!!! Plus from the sounds of it she hasn't been all that responsible with her money or her husband. That's on them not OP!

3 weeks ago

This broke our hearts, so we had to delete it.

3 weeks ago

Oops, the admin pressed "delete".

Camicita Chiquita

It seems like her mother has always been there for her. If she is not stable now she will never be stable. Her mother is doing the right thing. If her daughter wants it bad enough she will figure it out.

Jenna Pinnell

Where is the line drawn? When does the adult child become accountable for her own decisions. Why does the mother have to continue sacrificing, after retirement?

Would you give up all of your retirement for your entitled offspring?

This mother isn't being selfish, she's showing empathy for her daughter's situation, but being realistic in realizing her daughter is a married adult. Not an obligation.

Linda Riling

No they can buy their own home. She earned her right to do as she pleases in her retirement. She owes her selfish entiteled brat nothing. I would cause my daughter she has to work to get what she wants in life. Will be buying her own home here soon and wants no help. We have helped her over the yrs cause she's hard working caring awesome daughter.

3 weeks ago

OMG Karen, why have you deleted this comment?

Beth Mangus Roberts

Spoken like an entitled adult.

Keri

Why should the mom have to give her ADULT daughter money, she is married. The mom has already been bailing out her daughter, time for her to grow up.

3 weeks ago

A cat is having a nap right on this comment.

3 weeks ago

No comment – no problem.

3 weeks ago

There's no point in hiding the truth, but we'll try.

Carol Mulder

Well, Andie, I hope your parents can see your comment so they know what's in store for them: poverty, instability, and no doubt abandonment since they'll have nothing left, so why would you visit them?

Yvonne Burrus

Why is nobody thinking about the lazy HUSBAND

Mary Goldsby

The daughter is an adult. The daughter has a husband. Married people plan and save to buy a house not depend on someone to buy it for them. That one trip could be paradise for her so let the daughter grow up

Donald Hailey

Entitled fool you are !

The kid is desperate but the mommy has had enough of Cinderella's antics

She has a whole husband; why isn't he responsible for his wife?

3 weeks ago

This comment was too dangerous for society.

3 weeks ago

Can't find the comment? Ask your mom.

Remember your dreams. Your retirement is for you, not anyone else. You’ve worked decades to build a life that’s yours to enjoy. Traveling, exploring, or simply relaxing should be your focus now. Keeping that vision alive helps you stay firm in your decisions.

Talk about feelings, not money. Instead of arguing over dollars, explain that your choice is about your future happiness. Share how important your plans are to you emotionally. When she hears your heart, not just rules, she’s more likely to understand.

Create small ways to help. Offer advice, tips, or guidance instead of money. Sharing knowledge empowers her without compromising your goals. It shows love and care while keeping your independence intact.

Linda Bormett

My son and his wife disowned us when we couldn't give him our home because his dad lost his retirement when his company filed bankruptcy. He hasn't talked to us in 3 years. Our heart is broken 💔

Celebrate your own courage. Each time you stick to your decision, acknowledge your strength. Remind yourself that choosing your happiness doesn’t make you selfish. Being proud of your courage helps you navigate pressure with confidence.

If you found this story relatable, you’ll love reading about a woman who refused to cook separate vegan meals for her entitled stepdaughter. Sometimes, standing your ground is the ultimate reality check, and it feels amazing. Discover how one small boundary can teach life lessons in the most human way possible.

Comments

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Dianna Beacham

She still dont have to give it if she doesn't want to its her money

Benica Menica

When money is involved... expect someone close to you... including family to try and get some of your money. Always. And it's usually the one closest to you.

Don Kingston

Why don't you sell the house to your daughter. Then it's her decision?

Dee Armstrong

don't mention money or the house when you talk to her and everytime it is brought up change the subject or hang up the phone

LayLay Russell