I Refuse to Handle All Responsibilities While My Wife Loses Herself in IG Reels

Relationships often reach a quiet crossroads. One person feels stretched too thin. The other may be too overwhelmed to even notice.

We recently got a letter from a husband who feels he’s doing everything: working, caring for the home, and taking care of their child, while his wife seems to have checked out completely. But in trying to help her find her spark again, he crossed a line that left them both hurting.

Here’s what he wrote us:

My wife is a teacher, but she’s been staying home since her maternity leave. Every morning, I take our son to kindergarten and then head to work. When I come back, the house is a mess, and she’s usually on her phone all day. She won’t even take her plate to the sink.

She always talks about how we should share responsibilities, and I say “as you wish”. But honestly, I feel like I’m the only one running around doing everything. Meanwhile, she just scrolls through Instagram Reels.

I wanted to help her get back on track, and I thought maybe working again would make her feel better. So I secretly updated her CV and sent it out for some part-time and remote jobs. To my surprise, someone actually called her for an interview.

When I told her to try going to the interview, she got really mad and said I crossed a line. Since then, she hasn’t spoken to me. I didn’t mean to upset her. I just wanted her to see how hard it is to juggle everything, and I thought maybe restarting her career would lift her mood.

Was I wrong for doing this behind her back? Should I have waited for her to make the move?

Thank you for sharing this with us. It’s not easy to be honest about the cracks in a relationship, especially when you’re trying to hold everything together.

1. Don’t just help her back up, sit beside her first.

When someone stops showing up for daily life, it’s often not laziness but burnout or emotional shutdown. Your wife may be struggling in ways she can’t explain yet, from identity loss to quiet exhaustion.

Before nudging her forward, meet her where she is. Listen, without trying to fix. Sometimes, being understood is what helps someone come back to life.

2. Try not to keep score and focus on what you both need instead.

It’s easy to start counting who’s doing more when you feel like you’re carrying everything. And honestly, it’s frustrating when it feels one-sided. But keeping score usually just makes things colder between you.

Instead, try saying what you actually need. Like, “I’m feeling burnt out” or “I need help with this.” It’s not about proving a point, it’s about finding a way to feel like a team again.

3. Think about how you’d feel if someone rewrote your story for you.

You meant well by updating her CV, but imagine how it might feel if someone else decided what version of you should exist, without asking. Even if it came from love, it can feel like your choices are being taken away. She may not be mad about the job offer itself. She might be hurt that you acted like her silence meant she had no say.

4. Focus on reconnecting before trying to fix everything.

When things feel off, it’s easy to jump into solutions (new jobs, chores, or schedules). But sometimes what matters most is just spending time together without pressure. A quiet coffee, a short walk, or simply asking, “How are you really doing?” can open the door. Before tackling the big stuff, remember you’re still a team.

Relationships grow with patience, care, and small steps. Keep listening and moving forward together. If you want to understand more about the unseen challenges many mothers face, you might find this collection of real stories eye-opening.