When I told my daughter she couldn’t stay with me, she looked at me like I was the worst mom on Earth. But hear me out. I’ve worked my entire life to finally have some peace and quiet, and I’m not ready to give that up again. I think I’ve done more than enough.
I’m 41, and I work as a hairdresser. I’m a single mom, and I’m not going to lie, I had to work twice as hard to support myself and my daughter.
Earlier this year I got my daughter, 19, into a good college and I saw it as an achievement for both of us. But just a few months later, she called me and told me she was pregnant. Hearing those words made me shiver and brought back bad memories.
She told me her BF (25), who also goes to the same college, bailed the moment he found out, but she doesn’t mind, and she’s fine being a single mom. In fact, she sounded too happy. I tried convincing her to reconcile with her BF, telling her about the hardships of being a single mom, how she’s gonna lose this vital time to study and make a career.
But she was stubborn that this is what she wants, that she’s an adult and I should let her make her life choices. She had to take a break from college for obvious reasons and asked me if she could move back in (she was staying at a campus hostel) till she figures out her next move. I said okay.
At first, it was nice having her around. We’d cook together, watch shows, and I thought maybe this would bring us closer. But then she started treating me like a maid.
She leaves her dishes everywhere, never cleans up after herself, saying that she’s “too tired” because of the pregnancy. She acts like I owe her full-time care just because she’s pregnant. I get that pregnancy is hard, but that’s a choice she made. I work long hours, and the last thing I want is to come home to someone’s mess again.
When I finally had enough, I confronted her. She acted totally surprised and blamed me for judging her and not being understanding enough. In fact, she said that I should let her move in with me till the baby is at least a year old for “stability”.
The idea alone was scary to me. I told her straight up that she needs to start helping out and eventually find another place to stay, I’m not a maid, and I’m not going to be a free nanny to her baby.
She got angry and said I’m choosing “freedom over family.” Maybe I am. But after years of raising her on my own, I think I’ve earned a little peace. I even offered to help her find a small place nearby and said I’d help with the deposit.
She refused, saying she “needs her mom” but, honestly, it just feels like she needs a servant to look after her. We had a heated argument and I told her to move out the next day in the heat of the moment. She just smiled and went back into her room.
I froze when I found her and all her things missing the next day. I called her multiple times, but she refused to pick up. She sent me a text later saying, “I won’t be a burden on you anymore. I found a place to stay. Please don’t contact me ever again”.
Now I’m so worried, I don’t know what to do. I called her friend and she told me my daughter has moved in with her ex-BF for now, but they are not together, and he’s already seeing someone else.
What should I do? I’m completely lost. Am I a bad mother?
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No you aren't. Setting boundaries is the only thing to do. She's manipulating you so that you'll let her back in to be her maid, nanny and ATM. She'll be back in touch. Only babysit when you want. When she complains about how hard her life is remind her that you know. Which is how you know she can handle it.
Your daughter is still young AND pregnant!!! You need to do a better job as a mom.
She is a brat and will likely use her kid as a free meal ticket if you try to stay in her life .. speaking from experience..
She's an adult and made her choices. She chose to have sex and got pregnant. She saw how you struggled being a single mother and yet here we are. You were wise to set boundaries. The BF needs to pay child support. Daughter needs to be working so she can pay her bills. Don't let her move back in. She'll never leave and will expect you to raise her baby. Nope. She needs to grow up. She's going to be a mother. If she can't handle that then she needs to give the baby up for adoption if the BF doesn't plan to be in her life to co parent. This is not your circus, not your monkey.
