I Refuse to Pick Up My Ex’s Daughter, I’m Not an Emergency Driver

Parenting is complicated, especially when exes and blended families are involved. Boundaries and past history can make seemingly simple requests feel impossible. Our Bright Side reader (Mary, 42) wrote to us to get our take on a sticky parenting situation.

Here’s her story in her own words:

My ex-husband cheated on me nine years ago when I was pregnant with our son. It was an extremely difficult time for me, especially since he got his affair partner pregnant as well. I split custody 50–50 with my ex so my son could have a father, but keep our interactions cordial and only via a parenting app. I have no interest in getting to know my son’s stepsister, although they are around the same age and study in the same school. She’s a reminder of my ex’s betrayal, and I don’t need that.

An unexpected phone call.

Two weeks ago, I got a call from my son’s school during my ex’s custody time. Apparently, no one had picked him up, and they asked if I could. I agreed, as I always do when needed. But when I arrived, I saw another child waiting. It was my ex’s daughter from his affair.

An annoying discovery.

The teacher told me I was on her approved pickup list and asked if I would take both kids. I was shocked. I had never spent meaningful time with her and had never spoken to her. This wasn’t my child, and I had no relationship whatsoever with her. I told the teacher I would not pick her up and asked to be removed from the list. She said she would pass the message along and advised me to follow up. I assumed the situation would be corrected. After all, my ex had never informed me that he or his wife had added me to the authorized pickup list for their daughter.

An angry accusation I never deserved.

When my ex found out I hadn’t picked her up, he was furious. He asked how I could leave her behind when I would be taking our son anyway. I calmly explained via our parenting app: I always ensure my son is safe, but I am not responsible for his daughter, especially in unplanned situations.

The fallout.

According to my ex, his daughter ended up at school until 7 p.m. That is unfortunate, and I understand a child should not be left waiting. But I also have to consider my boundaries, the history between us.

I don’t feel guilty for my decision, but I know he sees me as cruel. The reality is that being a “backup parent” for a child I have never had a relationship with crosses a line I am not willing to compromise.

Thank you for reaching out to us, Mary. A child should never be used as a ploy in adult games, and we think you did the right thing.

Here’s our advice:

• Be firm in your decision: It’s sad that a child was left alone, but that’s not on you, it’s on their parents. When a parent shirks on their parental responsibilities, you are not obligated to step in for a child who is not yours, even once.
• Be clear about your responsibilities: Make sure everyone knows which child you are responsible for.
• Handle pressure with confidence: It’s human to feel pressured to give in when it comes to the safety of a child or being guilt-tripped by your ex-husband, but don’t let guilt push you into uncomfortable situations. You’ll thank yourself in the long run!
  

Handling responsibilities for stepchildren can be a tricky topic. Here’s another story about a woman who felt pressured by her husband to pay for her stepson’s school.