I Refuse to Save the Father Who Abandoned Me—Now Everyone Calls Me Heartless

Some family wounds don’t fade with time. They just go quiet until something forces them back into the open. When a parent disappears early in life, the debt they leave behind isn’t financial, it’s emotional.

This story begins with a request that many people would call heroic and others would call unthinkable. One Reddit user shared it within the community.

Here’s the story:

I (28F) was raised by my mom after my dad walked out on us when I was 5. He left to start a new family and had little to no contact with me growing up. He never paid child support or even called on birthdays or holidays. For years, I struggled with feelings of abandonment, but I eventually moved on and built a life without him.

Fast-forward to now—out of the blue, I get a call from his wife telling me my father is very sick and needs a kidney transplant. She told me that I’m the best match and begged me to get tested. Apparently, his other family members aren’t compatible.

I told her no. I don’t owe him anything after the way he treated me. He made his choices when he abandoned my mom and me, and I feel no obligation to put myself through a major surgery for someone who’s essentially a stranger to me.

Since then, I’ve been bombarded with messages from his side of the family, calling me selfish and heartless. They say I’m letting him die out of spite and that I need to “be the bigger person.” Even my mom thinks I should consider it, not for him, but to avoid carrying guilt if he passes away.

I don’t feel guilty. I feel like he’s reaping what he sowed, but part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh.

After this story was shared on Reddit, thousands of readers weighed in. Many focused on consent, medical risk, and the difference between obligation and compassion. Others pointed out that organ donation is never owed, especially to someone who had no part in your life.

Some commenters even questioned why the father himself never reached out, leaving others to apply pressure in his place. Across the responses, one theme kept repeating: no one is entitled to another person’s body, no matter the history.

• Call the hospital and inform them that you are being pressured to donate your kidney. Hospitals take this very seriously.
  Keep your mother away for now as she is adding to this pressure.
  “Since then, I’ve been bombarded with messages from his side of the family, calling me selfish and heartless.”
  Block Block Block. © blablablablaparrot / Reddit

• Agree to be tested, tell the person who is testing you that you do not want to donate, and they then tell his family that you are not a match (without disclosing that you refuse to donate). One way to get his family to leave you alone.
  You are right in not donating. There may be somebody in the future, who you actually love, who needs a kidney, and if you donate to your dad, the person who you love might die. © Separate-Parfait6426 / Reddit

• There is some health risk to you with the transplant, and it leaves you with only one kidney. Why should you risk this for someone who gave you nothing. He can go on the wait-list like everyone else. You owe him nothing. © WinnerActive9414 / Reddit

• Is this rage bait? It feels like it should be rage bait.
  If not, whenever you get an angry missive, just reply to each asking to see 23 years’ worth of messages from them to your father, where they chewed him out for never paying child support or having any contact with you. Have that message ready to copy + paste to each of them.
  If they reply with anything other than 23 years’ worth of messages from them to your father, where they chewed him out for never paying child support or having any contact with you, explain that they’ll have one opportunity before being blocked. © FoxySlyOldStoatyFox / Reddit

• Nobody is even mentioning that this guy didn’t even have the spine to ask you himself. He knows he did you wrong and is too cowardly to speak to you directly. © WilliamMBu*******IV / Reddit

• You don’t owe ANYONE a kidney. Donating an organ comes with considerable risk, and it’s not something to be undertaken lightly.
  You could go through with the testing and apparently (so I’ve been told) part of the process involves the medical team asking if you’re being coerced into donating. If you say yes then they’ll tell everyone you are not compatible, even if you are. Your family might leave you alone if that’s the case.
  Make sure you aren’t out of pocket for costs for tests. I wouldn’t trust these grubs to pay you back.
  Either way, I’m sorry this is happening to you. Your Dad and his minions are truly awful. © pixie-ann / Reddit

• I wouldn’t give a kidney to someone who wouldn’t give me one. Your ‘bio father’ wouldn’t make sure you had food on the table or a coat in the winter, so why the hell would you give him a kidney?
  Also, don’t donate a kidney. What if this is hereditary, and you have kidney issues later in life. Pass. © holdingpotato / Reddit

This situation has no easy resolution. It sits at the intersection of personal boundaries, unresolved pain, and life-and-death stakes. Whether readers see this choice as self-preservation or unforgiveness often depends on their own experiences with family and abandonment.

What do you think, does blood create an obligation when love and care were absent? Or is saying no sometimes the healthiest answer?

Next article: My Stepdaughter Kicked My Dog Out—Now She Calls Me Heartless