Family dynamics can become complicated when expectations clash, especially around childcare and retirement. Many parents dream of finally enjoying their golden years, but sometimes their adult children have very different plans. Recently, one reader sent us a letter about the shocking way her daughter-in-law reacted to her retirement.
Hi Bright Side,
I called my son to tell him I was finally retired. In the background, I heard his wife shout: “Great, then we can stop paying for nursery!” I chuckled nervously and replied, “It’s my time to live, not to start a free nanny job!” The line went dead. The next morning, I woke to a strange noise outside. I froze as I looked out — on my porch was a delivery van, unloading box after box. Soon, the porch was stacked high with baby formula, diapers, toys, and wipes—everything needed to care for a child. This wasn’t a mistake. My DIL had sent them, a silent declaration that my retirement now belonged to their childcare.
I stood there surrounded by baby supplies, my excitement for freedom colliding with a new, unwelcome reality. I love my family, but I cannot sacrifice the life I’ve worked so long to reach. Now I’m left with an impossible choice: how do I protect my hard-earned independence without shattering my relationship with my son?
Sincerely,
Petra
You TELL THE DELIVERY COMPANY THAT YOU ARE NOT ACCEPTING ANY DELIVERIES, WITHOUT KNOWING WHERE THEY CAME FROM, AND APPROVED BY YOU. Then, DONATE EVERYTHING ALREADY DELIVERED, TO A LOCAL SHELTER. Many women are in shelters with new babies. Then TELL YOUR SON AND DIL, you WON'T BE BULLIED. They WILL try to emotionally blackmail you. If you LET THEM, that's on YOU.
Leave the supplies on the lawn put put up a sign that says free baby supplies and then Ignore
Join a morning yoga class, book a cruise, get a life & for gods sakes quit telling your son & DIL your every move … just quit answering every call & text …YOU are busy !
Oh & learn this statement:
No, that’s not going to work for me … & hang up
Return to sender!
Your son will just have to get over it. You've worked hard and deserve your free time for what ever you want to do.
Donate it all to a childcare facility. Give them your daughter in-law's email and/or address so they can send a thank you note. Do it every time she sends stuff. As for your son, you wrote the words yourself. You want to enjoy what you have worked for. You won't be free childcare but would love planned time with your grandchild. STAND FIRM!! Too many of our kids today think that just because we are retired that means free daycare for them. We did our time. Of course you could always tell her that you will be charging her the going rate (or maybe a little extra) for childcare. See how she likes that.
Put the boxes out on the sidewalk with a sign "free baby stuff" it will be gone in minuets. Your DIL comes over asks where it is, you just say "some one sent a bunch of stuff to my house I don't need so I just gave it away, I'm sure there are lots of parents around here who needed the help" ohh so sweetly then wait for her to tell you she ordered it. Then say "why on earth would you order me a bunch of baby stuff that's just ridiculous, I'm not starting a day care!."
Should have refused the delivery. Just because they try to deliver something doesn't mean you have to accept it. Tell them they take the stuff back or it all goes in the trash! Have a spine or you WILL be babysitting everyday all day! If she dumps them on you and runs, which she's getting ready to do, tell her you will call the police and CPS! Oh well if your son doesn't like it. The balls it took to demand you watch their however many kids FULL time for NO money was ridiculous to begin with. She didn't ask just assumed and made an ass out of herself!
Unfortunately it sounds like you get to tote your grandchild around with you everywhere you go
That way you keep the peace and if they don't like that your terms I'm babysitting them they can't find another one Don't put your retirement on hold take your grandchild with you that won't fly very long with the parents at all
Just tell him hey this is my retirement not your babysitter If you want me to babysit these are my rules If you don't like them then I don't babysit throw the ball back in their court because if you take any other kind of action they will cut you off from seeing your grandchild
My advice would be play the game but by your rules
Tell your son “ Here 🩻. You need this. “
Thank you, Petra, for sharing your story with us. To support you in this difficult situation, here are four different pieces of advice that may help you balance your retirement dreams with your family’s expectations.
Your retirement is a milestone you’ve earned, and it’s important to protect that time without alienating your family. The best way forward is to sit down with your son privately and explain your feelings calmly but firmly. Emphasize that while you adore your grandchild, you cannot take on a full-time role as a caregiver. Offer to spend time with the baby occasionally on your own terms, so they know you’re still present. Boundaries framed with love often strengthen relationships rather than weaken them.
Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to stop sugarcoating your limits. If you quietly accept those deliveries, you risk being forced into a role you never agreed to. Return the baby supplies with a kind note making it clear that this is not your responsibility. Explain that you want to enjoy your new chapter while remaining a loving grandmother, not a stand-in daycare. Being firm now may feel hard, but it prevents deeper resentment later.
OMG I can't believe what you just told her " Instead of seeing the delivery as only an insult, treat it as an opportunity to open dialogue". Are you kidding me. the DIL & her son didn't even have the common courtesy to ask just demanded. OMG shame on them & you for this poor advise.
Instead of seeing the delivery as only an insult, treat it as an opportunity to open dialogue. Ask your daughter-in-law directly if she feels overwhelmed and whether this was her way of asking for help. Sometimes what comes across as pressure is actually a cry for support. By listening to her side first, you may soften the tension and gain her respect. Once her concerns are acknowledged, you can explain your own needs and find a middle ground.
Your daughter-in-law clearly wants to cut costs, but you can suggest options that don’t compromise your retirement. Research local daycare subsidies, part-time sitters, or community programs that might ease their financial load. Share these ideas with your son so they see you as supportive rather than rejecting. If you can help occasionally—like one afternoon a week—make it clear that this is voluntary, not an expectation. This way, you contribute to their relief without giving up your freedom.
Life has a way of surprising us with challenges we never saw coming, and sometimes those tests strike right at the heart of our closest relationships. One of our readers recently shared her story about how her husband chose to take care of his sick ex-wife—and why she now regrets ever agreeing to it.
These stories are all fake, but they are entertaining!
Tell her, NIO!! End of discussion. Tell your son the same Not your responsibility. Been there
To hell with free I'd sell that stuff at a lower price and earn a profit. That would be my power move. Like b**** you got some balls. Allow me to disabuse you of those balls. You wanna bully me so you can save a buck. I'll make a buck off YOUR back and see how you like that. You will not use your kids as leverage against me. I'll be your worst nightmare. Screw monster in law I'll be the hand that rocks the mf cradle.
Tell the driver you didn't order anything and refuse it. Give him a $20 under table to return to sender saying no one was home.
Then find hobbies or reasons you not available or if she pushes you to babysit, send kids back to her on a sugar high, and let them sleep most of day so they won't sleep at night and she'll have to deal with them awake all night.
