Living with your in-laws can be tough sometimes, but what do you do when your husband doesn’t support you? A mother of two expecting her third shared her story describing her current living situation with her mother-in-law. While she wants her to move out, her husband is refusing and being unreasonable according to her.
How My MIL Ended Up Living With Us.
34-year-old Megan shares the uncomfortable position she’s found herself in with her mother-in-law and husband. She wrote us a letter explaining the situation, “Hi Bright Side! I have seen similar stories on your page, so I’m sharing mine too. I want to get this off my chest. And I hope someone, who is reading this, will be able to suggest what I should do next.”
She explains how her MIL ended up living with her, “My husband, John (36), and I got our own place together years before we got married. His family was fine with it, and so were mine. But then, John’s parents separated, and his mom came to live with us.”
Why I Think It’s Time for Her to Move Out.
Megan reveals why she’s suddenly not okay with her mother-in-law living in the house, “My MIL has been living with us for 10 years now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I’ve managed without saying anything so far. I’m currently pregnant with our third, and space is becoming an issue. It’s time for my MIL to move out.
We have a 5-bedroom house. Our eldest daughter has a room, our younger one has a room, one is taken by my MIL, one is ours, and I’ve converted one room into an office space for myself. There’s just no room for the new baby.”
How This Living Situation Affects Our Marriage.
Succesful marriages work on love and sacrifices, but Megan feels she’s made enough already, “I’ve been trying to talk to my husband about this for months. He changes the topic or just dismisses it. Last night, I told him seriously that his mother needed to go.”
“All this time she has lived with us, she has never paid for any bills or utilities. Never even bought us or our two children anything out of the goodness of her heart. She is employed and makes decent money. She can afford it, and I don’t want my children to share a room.
When I brought this up, my husband got offended and said, ’We could make your office the baby’s room. It’s not like you’d be working when the baby comes.’ Words cannot describe the frustration I felt at that moment.”
Can We Find a Compromise?
The expecting mother reveals she has suggested various other compromises, “When I told my husband that giving up the office is not an option, he suggested that our daughter could share the room with the baby. This is something that I don’t think is right. We don’t know whether our baby will be a boy or a girl and either way, I want to respect my daughter’s personal space. Instead, I suggested that if he is so adamant about his mother not leaving, maybe she could adjust in the basement. It’s quite spacious, and we could make it comfy for her.”
“However, my husband is really against the idea and thinks I’m a bad person for thinking that way. Am I really? I just want the best for my kids. What should I do?”
Professional Advice on Setting Boundaries With In-Laws
Hi Megan! Thank you for trusting us and sharing your story. Your living situation with your mother-in-law sounds very stressful, and we hope things will resolve and get better for you soon. Here are some suggestions on what you could do, based on relationship advice by experts.
Communicate clearly and respectfully: Choose a calm and neutral setting to discuss boundaries with your mother-in-law. Avoid bringing up sensitive topics during family gatherings or when emotions are high. Clearly explain your needs and expectations in a respectful manner and share your suggestion of her moving into the basement.
Involve a neutral party: If discussions with your husband are not progressing, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist or a friend. This can help mediate the conversation and ensure that both sides are heard and understood
Focus on the baby’s well-being and your mental peace: Frame the conversation around the well-being of the baby. Explain that reducing stress and creating a peaceful environment are crucial for a healthy pregnancy. This can help your husband and mother-in-law understand the importance of your request.
Compromise and find middle ground: While it’s important to stand firm on your needs, be open to compromise. For instance, you might agree to a temporary arrangement where your mother-in-law stays for a limited period or helps out in specific ways that don’t intrude on your privacy.
To set clear boundaries with her mother-in-law, another woman provided her with a list of rules she has to follow. Check it out here.
