I Wanted to Be There for My Ex—My Fiancé Turned It Into Drama

Barbara, 27, reached out with a story that left her questioning her relationship. Her ex asked for support, and she felt it was right to be there. But her fiancé responded with jealousy that soon turned into control. What began as a simple act of kindness spiraled into a test of trust.

Hi, Bright Side,

I’m Barbara, 27 years old. My ex and I split 6 years ago, but we stayed best friends. Now he is seriously sick and needs my help. I told my fiancé. He didn’t like it. “I’m not asking, I’m going,” I said. He nodded, avoiding my eyes. The day I was leaving, I froze as I noticed my car keys were gone.

I tore through the house searching but found nothing. Finally, I texted my fiancé at work. After a while, he admitted they were in his pocket and told me to just wait until he came home. I did. One hour passed, then two. Eventually, I realized he had gone out with friends after work.

When he finally came home late that night, I asked for my keys so I could leave early the next morning. That’s when he looked me straight in the eye and said he had “accidentally” left them at his office.

I just stared at him in shock. My ex needed me, and this guy thought his jealousy was more important than a person’s health. I told him he disgusts me. He answered that I was choosing my ex over him. He finds it “weird” and “odd” that I’m still in contact with him while being in a new relationship. I believe that’s not love, that’s control. Should I just pack my bags and leave for good? Is it one of those red flags everyone around is talking about?

Hello, Barbara!

Thank you for reaching out. Here’s what we suggest you consider in this situation before taking any further steps.

• Answering your question directly: Yes, this is a red flag. Not because he dislikes your ex, but because he chose deception and control over respect and calm conversation. If you stay, you must see consistent proof that he accepts boundaries and stops controlling behavior. If he doesn’t, leaving is the healthier option.

• Let’s separate opinions from facts: It’s normal for partners to feel uncomfortable about exes. What’s not normal is crossing into sabotage, lying, and blocking autonomy. Taking away your ability to leave the house is a serious red flag. It shows he’s willing to interfere with your independence. If he did this once, ask yourself what prevents him from doing it again in other ways. That gap in values is not something most couples can bridge. It requires fundamental change on his part, not compromise from you.

• One more thing to consider: The problem could not be only in your fiancé’s jealousy. The way you presented your decision (I’m not asking, I’m going) feels like there is no room for cooperation and discussion. If the goal is cooperation, the conversation has to be structured differently so he feels heard. Here’s what you could say instead: “I know my friendship with my ex makes you uncomfortable. But right now, he’s seriously sick, and I feel it’s right to help. Can you tell me what part of this feels threatening to you?”

Possible next steps:

• Don’t rush to marriage until this is resolved.
• Communicate once, clearly: “What you did with my keys is not acceptable. If it happens again, we’re done.”
• You clearly need to discuss your friendship with your ex. Let your partner speak up on why he feels it’s wrong.
• Protect your independence: consider keeping a spare set of keys and documents where he can’t access them.

On Reddit, another woman revealed how a routine shift at work took an unexpected turn when she found something hidden in a bra box—a discovery that forced her into a decision she still struggles with today. If you were in her shoes, what would you have done?