I Refuse to Delay My Retirement to Help My Sick Daughter — I’m Done Being Her ATM

I bet you are trying to get someone else to take care of you too.

...My husband...what of it?

I wish him luck, because you are really good at being difficult.

How so?

By refusing to see that you are not right in this instance. If you truly believe that it's a parents job to support their children indefinitely, or until they are sufficiently independent, NO ONE WILL EVER LEAVE HOME. AT LEAST ACCORDING TO YOUR STANDARDS. I have been working since I was 12, and I know about being independent. What you say is tantamount to servitude of the parents. That is HOW. SO! GOOD NIGHT 😴

But I am right on this one. You owe your children everything. Sleep tight.

Well THERE YOU ARE. YOU may want to do everything for YOUR CHILDREN, GO FOR IT. You don't get to TELL OTHERS THAT THEY MUST DO THE SAME. If it was meant to be that a parent should sacrifice everything, all the time, for their children, then the children would not grow physically, emotionally or intellectually, they would remain infants. The theory of EVOLUTION has set the stage. Do you think that a lion or an elephant or a snake, or a hyena is going to keep hunting and feeding their offspring indefinitely? It is clear that you would rather think that you are right than ACTUALLY BE RIGHT. Perhaps you say these things because you didn't have enough support from your parents, I don't know. Perhaps this is your way of keeping your children in your life, by doing everything FOR THEM, INSTEAD OF LETTING THEM GROW UP. IF you take a poll, I will lay you odds that MORE PARENTS ARE GRATEFUL that their children are not STILL ASKING FOR HELP FROM THEM, THAN NOT. Adulting IS HARD, let me know if you ever get there.

We're actually having a great time laughing at y'all.

Look up Isaac Bruno's comments on ANY subject, he is self righteous in His comments also. He uses the Bible to contradict ALL of your statements, you two can have fun arguing with each other with your ONE TRACK MINDS, maybe you will hit each other HEAD ON.

💯 %FACTS!

Children have free will. No matter what you teach them, they may choose the easier path of blaming others for their lack of easy access to a life of leisure. Comes with the territory. One of my favorite quotes is "I did all my best parenting before I had children".

And you should still be willing to help them.

Someone needs a mental check up... seriously!

Why do you think that? Because I'm saying parents should be parents and take care of their children when they need help even if they are adults?

Why not though? I truly don't understand why you would ever stop taking care of your children when they need help? Why would you do that?

Because although they may be YOUR CHILDREN, THEY ARE ACTUALLY NOT CHILDREN.

People should feel entitled to their parents unconditional love and support, even if they are now adults, because they are.

Please explain why you think that.

Who said she didn’t?? She said her daughter has an illness!! I have busted my a$$ all my life providing for my 3 children, always having 2 jobs to make sure there were great vacations, nice things, extras.. They are all adults now. Now I have health issues and can no longer work at the age of 53 because I have worked so hard all my life, put myself through college and my mom is still alive. Do you think it’s any of their responsibility to keep me up? NO!! I will figure it out. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Hopefully disability kicks in soon! Her mother has put in her time, she has helped her daughter. Now her daughter needs to help herself with assistance from the government she can get!

Pretty much everything I'm saying is supposed to be for parents in general not just OP. But I think if they taught her to be independent they would have mentioned it. I know they said something about helping her get government assistance...that's fine I don't think I ever said it wasn't but I did say OP is still their parent and should be willing to help them when they can. All parents should be there for their children. If the parents can't be there that's different than being unwilling to be. It's also different if you choose to not have their help. You can do whatever you want but do you think your parents would be willing to help in some way if you asked? If not I do think that's a little sad. Also would you help your kids if they needed it because if not...tis also a little sad.

This daughter is not interested in doing ANYTHING FOR HERSELF. She is going to blame her mother and claim that SHE NEVER HELPS ME, while trying to get everyone else to feel sorry for her. Just because your child wants you to "help them out" doesn't mean that they can't help themselves. They just CHOOSE NOT TO. However SOME PEOPLE think that you should swim through wet cement backwards if their kids ask. The failure is more often the child's, NOT the parents.

Haha, You need to grow up buttercup..

How is it childish to think it's a parents job to take care of their own children when they need help even if the kid is an adult. Why is it childish to think you need to teach your kids to be independent and if you don't do that and just enable them then you can't be mad they aren't independent?

Let me know when you get old enough to retire. Then we will see if you want to WORK A FEW MORE YEARS, especially for someone who should be at least making an effort to take care of themselves. If everyone adopted your attitude, there would be two people left in the world and you wouldn't be either of them.

If I didn't do a good enough job teaching a potential child I possibly have how to survive without me or if they are even just having a hard time then I will have failed as a parent if I don't even try to help them in any way possible. However I barely want to help myself so hopefully there are no children in my future.

You are certainly failing as a human being. Having a different opinion is not a problem, but you are saying that this mother doesn't have a right to her own life. She did not fail, and we are ALL grateful that you don't have any children. There are more than enough of them that don't have any support. We don't need parents being belittled for telling their adult children no more. Some kids never learn to help themselves, and that is NOT the parents fault. If it were there would be WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE LIKE YOU, and that would not be good for anyone.

No I'm doing great as a human actually...I'm breathing I have a heartbeat and brain function...I even have sentience I'm not sure what else describes being human but sadly I am one and I'm not failing at being one :(. I said parents are supposed to take care of their children even if the children are adults people should be ready for that or not have kids...unless they want depressed kids or kids who go no contact with them or kids who end up in bad situations because they can't help themselves and feel they have no other option. The reason people don't have support is because people keep pawning everyone on everyone else so...just don't do that and take care of the people you brought into this world. Which I WOULD SUPPORT ANY FUTURE CHILD EVEN IF THEY BECOME AN ADULT!! However I don't want to so unless God willing I'm not having kids. Also I keep saying that the job of a parent is to teach their kids to be independent and help if they are struggling until they can be independent. If they don't do that then yes IT IS THE PARENTS FAULT!!! who else's would it be...did someone else raise the kids? Why don't we need more people believing it's a parents job to raise a kid to be independent or at least able to function without their help 24/7 and if they don't they had better support them until they do? So then what is the role of a parent since clearly you are an expert?

You clearly don't know what a functional brain does. If a child is not sufficiently independent it's usually a PARENTS BABYING OR BULLYING THAT CAUSES IT. A good parent like the OP, has done everything and more for her UNGRATEFUL AND SELF ABSORBED daughter. By your own words you are not and don't intend to be a parent, so you are trying to pretend that you know what is best for REAL PARENTS. I await your next IDIOTIC POST.

So you believe OP bullied/babied their daughter and that's why this woman can't hold a full time job? I don't care what's best for you SELF RIGHTEOUS, ENTITLED, "REAL PARENTS" I care about what's best for your poor (apparently unloved?) children who will get at most second best parenting to mine :)

Since you pick and choose the words that you respond to, as a way to try and give yourself an upper hand, I will give you some words to respond to directly. YOU TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT IS THE SAME AS YOUR PARENTS GETTING RID OF YOU. WRONG, NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT. THAT'S WHY YOU ARE ATTACKING OTHER PARENTS. As far as the mother in this story, SHE didn't baby or bully, SHE SUPPORTED as long as she could. If her daughter was truly unprepared, she would not have had the wherewithal to THREATEN HER MOTHER. She would have been too afraid to do that. She is PLENTY INDEPENDENT, She is just trying to get away with as much as she can and using her "illness" to do it. Just so you know, my ONLY CHILD DIDN'T SURVIVE BIRTH. But EVERY CHILD THAT I HELPED RAISE, LIVES ON THEIR OWN, PAYS THEIR OWN BILLS, AND CONTRIBUTES TO SOCIETY BY VOLUNTEERING WITH UNDERPRIVILEGED YOUTH. Their Auntie Cheryl saw to it. They know that they can ask me anything and FOR anything. Whether I am able to help or not, they have never threatened or turned their back on me. The only entitlement here is yours. You think that you are entitled to be insulting, hurtful AND hateful. You should be careful what you wish for Shayla, karma like you is a BIG BITCH.

First of all I'm not trying to pick and choose words it's just hard to keep up with responding to y'all. I'm just one girl and I've had multiple people taking offense to things I'm saying for who knows what reason. Also why can't I pick and choose words to respond to y'all do. "They know that they can ask me anything and FOR anything. Whether I am able to help or not" and actually with that quote IT PROVES THAT YOU THINK I'M RIGHT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS WHOLE TIME y'all have just been skipping my words to "be right" You in fact are the one that said "If a child is not sufficiently independent it's usually a PARENTS BABYING OR BULLYING THAT CAUSES IT." But now you are saying "As far as the mother in this story, SHE didn't baby or bully, SHE SUPPORTED as long as she could." So now you take it back? Then why mention babying/bullying because I certainly was never talking about that. "If her daughter was truly unprepared, she would not have had the wherewithal to THREATEN HER MOTHER." Why do you think that Cheryl? You know people respond to fear differently right? Threatening actually is a possibility of how the daughter could have reacted...I certainly did. I told my parents that if I became homeless I would kill myself, you think I said that because I wasn't afraid? I was terrified and grasping at any control I had left to try to get them to not leave me because I in fact WASN'T INDEPENDENT ENOUGH TO BE ON MY OWN. I did say they didn't care so it didn't work and they left anyway. I would have followed through if I had infact actually become homeless. Luckily I had other support. So actually go back to the drawing board that because the daughter threatened her she is so clearly "PLENTY INDEPENDENT". "This daughter is not interested in doing ANYTHING FOR HERSELF. She is going to blame her mother and claim that SHE NEVER HELPS ME, while trying to get everyone else to feel sorry for her." Also I love how everyone is judging the daughter because of how OP described her. Not because we actually know the daughters situation. We can only judge OP/Their daughter through the words they posted, of course they would try to twist the narrative in their favor... and it would have worked for me until they said "No. I’m choosing peace after 47 years of giving everything I had.” YOUR DAUGHTER COMES BEFORE ANY PEACE YOU WANT. They could have just said they gave everything they had but can no longer work to support them even though they want to, but the way they worded it is how we can judge them, so I am, and they're TAH. You also said "Do you think that a lion or an elephant or a snake, or a hyena is going to keep hunting and feeding their offspring indefinitely" last I checked we were humans and t'wouldnt be very human to act like lions or elephants or hyenas. I also don't know why you keep twisting my words into saying "I think parents should do EVERYTHING for your children" because that has never been what I was saying, they are allowed to move out and get married and have a life...that's what being independent is which IS what I said from the beginning. YOU OWE THEM EVERYTHING yes but you don't have to do everything for them just help them when needed that's all it ain't that difficult. And yes I am entitled to my parents love and support everyone is that's what I've been saying as well. You also said "and in your EVERY REPLY AND COMMENT you have called parents FAILURES if they don't constantly and continually sacrifice for their ADULT CHILDREN." If the person needs support and their parents can help them and are choosing not to then why be a parent? "These CHILDREN need to grow up, and that is done by FACING DIFFICULTY ON THEIR OWN. You know what I am saying is true. Do you think that ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE REPLIED TO YOUR COMMENTS NEGATIVELY ARE LYING TO YOU?" Yes I do, some situations NEED support, when you lost your kid did you want to face it on your own? BE WILLING TO HELP YOUR CHILDREN DON'T LET THE BED BUGS BITE

Well, I am not fluent in TWILIGHT ZONE SPEAK, especially in BOOK FORM. I also know that you wouldn't know the truth if it slapped you in the face. Maybe someone else will do it instead. So I will leave you to your delusional and insulting mind set.

You not having any kid's and not understanding any of this shows.

Thats stupid, its Not even close. Dogs can't work but people can.

People also...have chronic illnesses that stop them from being able to work...like OPs kid. People also get laid off unexpectedly... also the job market these days is getting tougher and tougher so finding another job is really hard...if you think parents should let their kids (even if the kids are grown) become homeless because life is hard sometimes then that's what's stupid.

Chronically ill but capable of showing up on her mothers doorstep to threaten her if she does not get more money. That shows intelligence and capability to act on ones own. Why didn't the daughter seek this help herself? Why? She is lazy and entitled. She does not want to have to lift a finger to help herself. She would rather hide behind her illness and blame others.

Chronically ill doesn't mean stupid. Whether her mother could have started earlier to help her get assistance or not, the daughter lives on her own, so her biggest need is HER MOTHER'S MONEY. She is unappreciative and had no business or right to speak to her mother with the words that she used. Her mother asked nothing of her, but she asked everything of her mother.