My Dad Is Refusing to Pay for My Wedding, Even Though He Paid for My Sister’s Wedding

In a situation that many would find heartbreaking, Sarah, a young woman, is grappling with her father’s decision to refuse financial support for her wedding—a stark contrast to the generous contribution he made to her sister’s lavish celebration just last year.

Sarah’s letter to us:

Hi, Bright Side!
I’m not sure how to handle a situation at home, and I need help. My dad is flat-out refusing to pay for my wedding. Which is baffling, because he paid for my sister’s wedding just last year, and it was extravagant.

Now, it’s my turn, and he tells me that he doesn’t have the money. My sister is his biological daughter, and I’m his adoptive daughter, but he’s always treated us the same—at least, until now. When I asked him why, he let out this heavy sigh and said, “Listen, your sister’s wedding cost me a small fortune. I didn’t think I’d need to foot the bill for another one so soon.”

He gave a half-shrug, like he was trying to be reasonable but didn’t feel he owed me much of an explanation, “I’m not made of money, you know. And, well... that wedding was her big day. It’s different now.” I just sat there, swallowing the disappointment, trying to ignore how much it stung to hear him call hers the big day. Am I wrong for feeling hurt because he won’t help me like he helped her?

XOXO,
Sarah

Acknowledge and validate your feelings.

It’s essential to recognize that your feelings of disappointment and hurt are valid. Give yourself permission to feel this way instead of trying to brush it aside. Journaling or discussing your emotions with someone you trust can help you process these feelings in a healthy way, which can reduce any resentment and clarify your thoughts.

Understand his perspective without justifying it.

While it may feel unfair, there could be various factors affecting your father’s decision—such as finances or even the unconscious pressure of meeting societal expectations for his biological daughter’s wedding. Understanding his perspective doesn’t mean you agree with it, but it can sometimes reduce the intensity of hurt and help you navigate your relationship with him.

Set realistic expectations and find other solutions.

Accepting that he may not contribute could be painful but also empowering, as it allows you to shift focus toward creative, alternative solutions. Consider how you could plan a wedding that aligns with your own values and financial means, even if it doesn’t mirror your sister’s. This approach can help make the experience feel uniquely yours.

Communicate openly but calmly.

If you feel comfortable, consider having a calm and open conversation with your father about how his decision makes you feel. Avoid accusations and instead use “I” statements, such as, “I felt hurt when you said my sister’s wedding was her big day, as it made me feel less valued.” This approach gives him an opportunity to clarify his position and potentially acknowledge your feelings.

Focus on your relationship beyond the event.

Try to view your father’s decision in the context of your broader relationship. While this moment is disappointing, it’s important to assess whether this behavior is typical or a one-time lapse in judgment. Reflecting on your bond with him over time may help you find a way to move forward that feels right to you and preserves the relationship, if that’s something you desire.

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