My Dad Walked Out on Me 10 Years Ago, Now He Wants to Meet My Child

Twists of fate can be more shocking than anything you see in the movies. One of our readers found herself face-to-face with the father who had abandoned her years ago, only to learn he now needed something from her own child. Here’s what happened, and how she’s trying to navigate an impossible, heartbreaking decision.

Content is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for medical advice. Seek guidance from your doctor regarding your health and medical conditions.

I’m torn and need help. My dad hurt me badly years ago. But if I choose to punish him today, I’ll end up hurting an innocent child as well. Let me explain.

Years ago, my parents went through a nasty divorce. I’ll spare you the details, but I ended up living with my dad because my mom couldn’t afford to raise me, and she also had some pretty bad health problems back then.

My dad and I never had a good relationship. To be honest, I don’t think he wanted to keep me after the divorce, but he was kind of stuck with me. Or at least that’s how I felt growing up.

When I told my dad I was pregnant at 18, he slammed the door in my face and never looked back. He threw me out in the street. Literally, I found my stuff on the front lawn the next day. He told me I was no longer his responsibility and that I needed to move in with the father of my child.

Again, I won’t go into unnecessary details, but I ended up raising my daughter alone. I built a life from scratch, basically. It took me years to feel ok, mentally and financially.

When I thought I’d finally buried the past, he showed up at my job, crying, asking to meet my daughter. I started laughing and immediately said no. I thought he surely must have been kidding. He had no right to even ask that.

Then I thought he might be remorseful, because he was sick or something. That he maybe wanted to meet her before he passed. It did make me a bit emotional, sure, but I still wasn’t convinced I wanted to introduce him to my daughter.

Well, the truth was actually even worse than that. I was truly left speechless when he said she could donate bone marrow to his sick son.

Turns out, he started a new family right after kicking me out. Bonkers, I know. He met someone, a much younger woman, I might add, fell in love, and had another kid.

A kid, who was my half-brother, I guess, was now sick and needed special medical attention, including a transplant from someone who might be compatible.

I told him I couldn’t just make a decision like that in a split second. I asked him to give me a couple of weeks to decide. He said they don’t have that long, and that I need to give him an answer in a couple of days.

I haven’t slept since. Didn’t mention it to anyone because I truly don’t know what to do. I don’t want to jeopardize my own daughter’s health, but I couldn’t live with myself if something bad happened to that kid, either.

Dear reader, thank you for reaching out to us. What you’re experiencing is a truly complex family situation, and you’re currently carrying an extremely heavy load on your shoulders. While we cannot pinpoint a specific decision you should make, here are some steps you could consider first:

• Your wounds can’t just heal on demand. You went through years of pain. The person who caused that pain is asking for something huge. And fast, no less.
  It’s no wonder it’s left you feeling confused. Don’t feel selfish for hesitating. You’re trying to protect your child, the beautiful life you’ve built on your own, and the part of yourself that’s still healing.
• Put your daughter’s safety first. Before making any decision, talk to a doctor. Find out what the process would actually involve for her, what risks there might be, and what it means in both the short and long term. No one, regardless of how close they are to you, has the right to rush you into a medical decision involving your child.
• Don’t do this alone. Even if you haven’t told anyone yet, you don’t have to go through this on your own. Reach out to someone you trust, it may be a friend, a therapist, or someone who knows and understands your story, so they have a better context.
  Just saying the words out loud can help make the next step feel a little less complex. It may help you make a decision that’s aligned with your values. No matter what you decide, you deserve support.

If this story moved you, you might also like this one about a father who left his grandkids out of a group vacation, sparking tension between his sons and tough choices for the entire family. Read it here.