My DIL Charges Me for Toilet Paper When I Babysit—in My Son’s House

Some daughters-in-law turn family help into paid transactions. When a grandparent gets charged for basic household items while babysitting their own grandchildren, something is deeply wrong. Nickel-and-diming someone who’s providing free childcare is the kind of behavior that stuns everyone who hears about it.

Here’s Karen’s story:

Hi Bright Side,

My DIL makes me pay for toilet paper whenever I babysit my grandkids. “This isn’t a free hotel!” she snapped while my son just stood there silent. I smiled and handed her the money without arguing. But once they left for their weekend away, I did something different.

I ordered pizza delivery for me and the kids, then had groceries delivered—snacks, drinks, everything we’d need. By the time my son and DIL came home Sunday night, I’d completely restocked their fridge and pantry with food I bought.

Her face when she opened the refrigerator was incredible. I hadn’t just paid for what we ate—I’d filled their kitchen with nicer brands and organic stuff they don’t usually buy. The kids were so happy because I got all their favorite snacks, which she normally says are “too expensive.”

My son looked embarrassed but didn’t say anything. How could he without admitting his wife was being ridiculous? The kids kept thanking me and asking if I’d do it again next time.

I saved every receipt and left them on the counter with a note saying exactly what I spent on “not being a freeloader.” It was more than they usually spend on groceries in a month.

She hasn’t said anything about charging me since, but I can tell she’s still annoyed. Now the kids get excited when I come over because they expect special treats, which honestly makes me happy.

I love my grandchildren, but I shouldn’t have to pay for toilet paper when I’m babysitting for free. This showed me how petty she is, and I’m not sure how to handle staying close to my grandkids when she’s like this.

Please help,
Karen

Dear Karen, thanks for telling us about your clever way of handling such an absurd situation. What you did was spot-on because it dealt with her demands while showing everyone how ridiculous the whole thing was, and we hope our suggestions help you feel more confident dealing with your family going forward.

Don’t let money games control your relationships. When someone tries to turn family visits into financial transactions, they’re usually trying to control the situation or make you feel unwelcome. Your response was perfect because it met her demands while showing how silly they were.

Don’t enable the controlling behavior. Your grocery solution was clever, but constantly giving in to unreasonable demands—like paying for toilet paper—only encourages more of the same. Sometimes it’s better to decline babysitting than to keep jumping through hoops for someone who doesn’t appreciate your help.

You don’t have to accept ridiculous rules just to see your grandchildren, and standing up for yourself might actually improve the whole family dynamic.

Don’t take the bait when she tries to start conflicts. People who create petty rules and demands often want you to react emotionally so they can paint you as the difficult one. Stay calm and respond practically to unreasonable requests, like you did with the grocery delivery.

When you don’t give them the dramatic reaction they’re looking for, they often lose interest in the power game. Your sweet smile and practical solution probably frustrated her more than any argument would have.

Look for other ways to spend time with your grandkids. If going to their house gets too complicated or costly, try meeting somewhere else—playgrounds, cafes, or your place. Taking the children out gets you away from her space and lets you enjoy time together without the tension.

Meeting on neutral ground often changes the whole vibe and stops petty disputes about what you can or can’t do in their home.

Has a family member ever asked you to pay for things while you were doing them a favor? Tell us your story in the comments—others going through similar situations need to hear that wanting basic decency isn’t too much to ask!

And while you’re here, don’t miss this powerful story from another reader: “My daughter insisted I sell my house to fund her unemployment: ‘It’s my inheritance anyway!’ I said no. ‘I’ll put you in a nursing home!’ she yelled. At 3 AM, my doorbell rang. What I saw made me grateful I’d refused. It was my daughter with...” 👉 Click here to read what happened next.