My Husband Refuses to Shower More Than Once a Week, It's Gross

It is essential for humans to have proper hygiene that benefits an individual's overall health and cleanliness. According to Dr. Robert H. Shmerling of Harvard Medical School, about two-thirds of Americans take a shower every day. It's more than 80% in Australia. However, over 50% of Chinese individuals say they only take two baths every week. The frequency of showering depends on people; some prefer daily while some prefer thrice a week, but in the case of our reader, her husband refuses to shower more than once a week.

Bright Side reader shared her story about her husband and is seeking advice on how to handle the situation. She wrote, "My husband works 5 days a week, and he only showers on weekends. I’ve told him that he smells bad by midweek, but he just shrugs and says, “I’m too tired after work.”

For background, we have been married for almost a year and a half. During our first month together, I rarely noticed him going into our bathroom to take a shower. We both have jobs, so we rarely see each other preparing because I work in the morning while he works at night. Looking back, our schedule was funny.

Three months in, I was able to do work from home for my company. It was convenient since we are planning to have a baby. Then, I started to notice that he only showered once a week. I didn't notice back then because he doesn't smell at all. He also changes his clothes every day, so for my part, I didn't doubt. It bothered me, but I thought it would be rude to point it out."

She added, "A month has passed, and I was bothered every night when we are sleeping that my husband didn't take a shower, but it also got harder for me to bring up. I tried hinting it by saying vague statements like, “This weather is good for a nice shower” or “Do you like to freshen up?” But he just shrugged it off. The most effort he had done was washing his face in the morning every day.

I shower every day, which is why it doesn't sit right with me, but I still think that it would be rude to say something about his ways and hygiene. He got a new day job, which requires physical labor. He sweats a lot, and he doesn't shower after work. I am now finding it gross."

She was managing, his husband was odorless, and no other problem arose except for his once a week showers until they had a baby.

Our reader wrote, "As soon as we knew about my pregnancy, I gathered the courage to talk about what's bothering me, his hygiene. I told him that I might be oversensitive during my pregnancy, so please consider showering at least thrice a week.

Sanitation and hygiene were a big deal to me at that time because I wanted to be in an environment that didn't gross me out for the sake of our baby as well. My husband agreed without hesitation. I was surprised, I should've communicated my concerns long ago. I love my husband, he's great and takes care of me during my pregnancy and childbirth.

When things have settled, I notice that he's back with his once-a-week showers. Whenever he came back from work, sweating, he would just change his clothes and go straight to carrying our 2-month-old baby. I don't know if I am being sensitive, but it cringes me. It concerns me because there might be bacteria that might affect our baby."

She added, "Not only did he went back to his old routine, he started to smell as well, which was difficult for me to handle. If I am to describe the state of my husband, his hair is greasy, and the stink of sweat doesn't wear off even if he does his one shower weekly. It has become more and more concerning for me.

Then I confronted him one night about it, I started by asking why he went back to his once a week shower. I told him that it bothered me from the start and that I was suffering every night from the thought of him showering only once a week. I was managing it, but I don't want our baby to experience it as well.

I basically snapped at him, calling him gross and disgusting. He looked shocked, and that's when I realized how rude my words were. All of these suppressed feelings and thoughts came out of control, I don't know what to do anymore. I was about to apologize for my outburst, but he started saying that he never changed his routine. I was confused."

She was puzzled over what her husband had just told her. Was he lying all this time? Did her husband betray her? The tears she was holding during the confrontation started, she's confused, and she didn't know what to say.

Reader added, "He said that he never did what I asked, and he didn't have an idea where I got the impression of him. In tears, I responded, “But you agreed to it!” He shrugged it off and said that he never agreed to it. I clearly remember him agreeing to it, was it my imagination? He walked out to our spare room while I cried myself to sleep with our baby.

Days passed, and after I had reflected, I came to the conclusion that I might have assumed things on my end. He put effort into my request by using alcohol to sanitize himself, though. I apologized, and he apologized. Then I asked him why he only showered once a week. His reason is that he doesn't want to wash off his manliness. I was baffled."

She stated, "I am now being up front of him, saying that he must shower at least thrice a week because he smells. He still shrugs it off and uses being tired at work as an excuse.

I tried to be understanding, but last night, I noticed something on his shirt. When he took it off, I nearly gagged — his back was covered in visible flakes of dirt and dead skin. I confronted him right then and there, “This isn’t just about smell, this is unhealthy!” I told him, but he still brushed me off like I was overreacting and went to sleep.

Am I really expecting too much?"

Dear reader, you're not expecting too much. Basic hygiene is important for you and your family's health. It seems that your husband is aware, and if direct conversation doesn't work, consider explaining the health risks.

Poor hygiene can lead to strong body odor, which may affect relationships that you are currently experiencing, even though it's not inherently unhealthy. However, infrequent bathing can cause skin issues like acne, dandruff, and flare-ups of conditions like eczema due to oil, dirt, and bacteria buildup.

You may also make hygiene a team effort by suggesting showering together or making it part of a relaxing bedtime routine. If his lack of hygiene affects your comfort, set clear boundaries and express how it impacts you emotionally and physically. Instead of just criticizing, offer practical solutions.

If he’s truly exhausted, suggest quick showers or refreshing wipes for busy days. You also need to pay attention to whether he's willing to change; if he consistently dismisses your concerns, consider whether deeper issues like laziness, depression, or disregard for your feelings are at play. When push comes to shove, if he refuses to improve, you may need to decide if this is a deal-breaker for you.

Hygiene is an essential practice for people, and to learn more about hygiene habits that you might not want to ignore, click on this link.