My MIL Disrespected Me After I Gave Birth, and Sparked a Family Fight

Our reader, Angela, just became a new mom and needed support. But instead of care, her mother-in-law threw harsh words and stormed out. Now the family’s divided, and Angela’s left with guilt, exhaustion, and questions. Is she really the one who needs to fix it?

Hello, Bright Side,

My name is Angela. I’m a new mom. My baby is 7 weeks old. After giving birth, I moved in with my parents for support. It’s normal for Filipino families to help the new mother, and my parents were more than willing.

But when my husband’s family arrived, my MIL looked at me and snapped, “You can’t keep playing helpless princess. It’s been long enough. You can’t just lie in bed all day.” I tried to explain that it’s normal for our culture. Family helps the new mother, and I’m still recovering.

But she continued, “This is nonsense. You can’t just use culture as an excuse to be lazy. The baby’s father needs help, too, and you’re just letting him carry the burden.”

When my husband heard this, he turned to me and said, “That’s fine. I know you need time. Mom, you need to respect my wife’s needs. If you can’t do that, maybe you should leave.”

And she just grabbed her bag and left. Later, she called my husband and said that they bought tickets to their hometown, and they don’t want to stay with us any longer because we don’t respect them.

I feel really bad. I would love to talk to her and figure things out, but I really don’t have any time, and I’m too tired for this. Is it really my responsibility? What is the right thing to do?

Hi Angela,

Thanks for sharing your story. First of all, you’re doing great. Being a new mom is already a full-time job, and recovery looks different for everyone. Here’s some advice to help you think it through.

1. Pinpoint what made you feel guilty, and test if it’s true.

Before doing anything, ask yourself: What exactly am I feeling bad about?
Is it that she left? That she felt disrespected? That your husband sided with you?

Then ask: Was that really because of something I did—or something I didn’t do?

Often, new moms feel responsible for tension, even when they didn’t cause it. But your husband responded with care and calm. If you didn’t yell at, insult, or shame her, maybe there’s no need to “fix” anything right now.

2. Ask yourself: if this were a friend’s story, what would you say?

Put yourself outside of the story for a minute. Imagine a friend told you: “I just gave birth. I’m barely sleeping. I’m living at my parents’ place. My MIL called me lazy and left after my husband told her off. Now she’s upset, and I feel bad.”

Would you say: “You need to fix this right now”?
Or would you say: “Girl, sleep. She’ll live”?

Use that outside view to decide if you actually believe you owe her anything right now.

3. Rethink the “respect” narrative

She said you didn’t respect her. Ask yourself: Did your behavior show disrespect, or did it just not match her expectations? That’s not the same thing.

People may confuse “respect” with “doing what they’re used to.” But holding different beliefs or needs doesn’t equal disrespect. Especially when you’re 7 weeks postpartum and literally recovering from major physical and hormonal changes.

4. Try a “No talk, just action” reconnection

If you want to smooth things over without a serious sit-down, try skipping the talk and just sending something small, like:

• A short video of the baby smiling or yawning.
• A photo of the baby wearing something she gifted.
• A single emoji with no message (👶❤️). Sounds silly, but it softens a lot without words.

Let her decide what to do next. No pressure on you.

As Angela navigates her complicated family dynamics, we turn to another reader, Oscar, who’s facing a similar dilemma. Stuck between his deep love for his grandkids and a growing suspicion that his daughter-in-law may be manipulating him, Oscar is wondering if it’s time to stop supporting them financially or continue for his son’s sake. Check out Oscar’s story to see what unfolds next.