My Mom Won’t Stop Criticizing My Choice to Stop Shaving

Challenging beauty standards affects women's mental health and can even lead to eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and social isolation. Women who choose not to shave can easily skip social interactions just to avoid people's humiliating looks and comments. However, it's no one's right to judge your decisions and your appearance. This woman stood up to her mother when the latter criticized her for not shaving.

A mother shaming her daughter over her decision to stop shaving.

I showed my mom my unshaven legs, and she gasped in horror. “You look like a man!” she blurted out. I rolled my eyes and let it go.

A week later, she gave me an expensive electric razor as a birthday gift. Furious, I handed it right back, and she suddenly burst into tears. “I overheard your husband saying that body hair on women is disgusting. He said he’s embarrassed to be seen with you in public because of your legs.”

My heart sank. I confronted my husband that night, and his only response was, “I just think women should take care of themselves.”

Now I don’t know what to do. If he can’t accept something so small, what does that say about our marriage? What do I do now?

Other women have been shamed, too, for the same thing.

• During a light convo about how tedious being a woman is, my friend brought up shaving her privates and how hard it is. While I do shave my legs and pits, I don’t shave that area at all.
  She’s saying it’s super gross, I don’t shave it. Am I weird or something? Stupid to say this at 24, but her comment made me a bit insecure about it. @Willing_Run_7907 / Reddit
• I was at a café with a friend, who nudged me and exclaimed that the waitress did not shave. She seemed aghast. However, the only person I judged in that situation was my friend.
  I mean, why was that an issue, and why did it need to be commented on, and what was I supposed to say? I just said, “Well, that’s ok, isn’t it?” Also, I hadn’t shaved for months, and it is summer here, so I’m sure I looked similar. @bunnyguts / Reddit
• I had a few guys I was seeing go “ew” and ask me to shave. Also, I got weird looks out and about. @Unknown author / Reddit
• My best friend gave up shaving altogether a few years ago because she has a skin condition and shaving (or waxing or epilating or really any sort of hair removal) really irritates it. I remember once we were hanging out at a big get-together with some friends and friends-of-friends, and this girl started giving her a hard time about why she doesn’t “just shave already.”
  My friend said, “Why does what I do with my body hair bother you?” The girl says, “I just think leg hair looks really gross.” My friend says, super casually, “OK, well that sounds like a you problem. Anyway.” @changhyun / Reddit
• I’m sorry, Mom and Dad, that my unshaven underarms offend you so much that you feel the need to humiliate me to the point where I can’t breathe, in front of someone I’ve known for many years. I’m sorry that my bra showing from my sleeveless dress (Oh, I’m not allowed to buy sleeveless clothes now cause I don’t wanna stay “clean”? Sad.) offends you so much.
  And I’m so disappointed in you, dear sister. You said I was just like one of your previous classmates who was an animal for not waxing, and I’m becoming like one, too. I thought you were different. But oh well. @Hozierisking / Reddit
• My dad noticed my hairy ankles recently and asked sarcastically if I needed a razor. I said no, I don’t shave my legs. I swear, his face went pale and serious, and said, “Tell me you’re joking.” And I said no.
  He proceeds to tell me over and over how gross and disgusting that is. Then turns to my fiancé, who says, “It really doesn’t bother me.” To which my dad replied, “Man up, dude, tell her to shave her legs.”
  Tell me, why is my leg hair disgusting and yours isn’t? Is it because women are supposed to appear pre-pubescent, lacking visible body hair, to be attractive? THAT’S disgusting. @LunariHime / Reddit

Here’s a story that might inspire you to be courageous and not let challenging beauty standards define you.

• I’m still thinking about starting a hirsutism (a condition that causes excessive hair growth — a note from Bright Side) acceptance mutual support sub, but for now, I don’t think I have the spoons to mod it alone, though maybe, maybe, maybe soon, or in a little bit, I’ll try launching it and see where that goes. Posting I do fear a bit it’s too much for some people, and I’m not gonna lie and say my journey is easy and that all I feel is abundant self-confidence day in and day out.
  Loneliness is something that really gets to me, as I don’t currently have any real-life female friends who let their ’normal’ hair grow, let alone ’excessive hair’. Having a beard sometimes feels like I just make myself even less relatable (just growing pit and leg hair already made me weird to most women and people I knew) but I honestly wouldn’t go back to removing it despite it not being an easy journey. Self-acceptance and self-respect are very important to me.
  Practically my hair is so curly the ingrown hairs were just absolutely unbearable and happened all the time all over with plucking or even close shaving, but I can’t stand shaving and how it looks in the first phase growing back. I could never afford many laser sessions and always was afraid I would regret it if it really did end up working permanently because I would rob myself of the option of full self-acceptance.
  I had grown out my mustache as well a while ago, but someone close to me said they felt ’second-hand shame’ being around me publicly. That really made me very sad. I removed it then, and they then felt pretty bad that they had added to my suffering. Part of their feelings of ’second-hand shame’ was likely fear, as they are a man who looks very androgynous and is misgendered very often.
  So I think they feared the two of us looking so ambiguous would face verbal and even physical harm for looking too “queer” and unfortunately it’s not impossible I do get some bad looks and have had a very upsetting situation. Despite this, I am committed to not abandoning myself, at least for the most part. @mushroomscansmellyou / Reddit

Overcoming challenging beauty standards and being self-confident when it comes to not shaving isn’t an easy win. Many women, though, are living this way, and we applaud them for not letting criticism affect their choices.