My Parents Told Me I Was Too Lazy to Ever Own a Home, Now They Want to Live in Mine

Sometimes the hardest battles we fight aren’t at work or in the world. They’re inside our own families. When labels, favoritism, and jealousy come into play, the people we expect to cheer for us can become the ones who doubt us the most.

One of our readers, Marc (32, M) wrote to us with a tough dilemma. Did he make the right decision? You decide.

Here’s his story:

All my life, my parents labeled me as “lazy.” It didn’t matter that I worked late shifts, took on double jobs, and clawed my way toward independence. Meanwhile, my brother was the golden child. Everything he did was celebrated. If he tripped, it was “he’s tired from studying.” If I stumbled, it was “there you go again, being careless.”

I did something that I thought would finally make them proud.

Last year, after years of saving and pushing myself past exhaustion, I bought my first house. It was the proudest moment of my life. I told my parents, expecting, just once, to hear words of pride. Instead, they laughed. My dad smirked and said, “Let’s see how long before you mess this up.” My brother chuckled along. It stung, but I told myself their opinion didn’t matter.

Suddenly they needed me.

For months they ignored my success, I had almost given up hope on them noticing me but last week, my dad lost his job. My parents called me in tears, saying they had nowhere to go. They then asked to move in with me, into the house they had once mocked.

But I didn’t want them, not anymore.

The timing couldn’t have been worse because just days before, I had discovered something that broke me completely. I overheard my parents talking to relatives, bragging about my brother again. But when the conversation turned to me, I froze. They said I didn’t really buy my home. They claimed my brother had helped me with the down payment, because “there’s no way he could have done this on his own.”

Not only had they dismissed my achievement, they had handed my success to the golden child. To my own family, I was still the lazy one, even after everything.

I had to take a tough call.

So when my parents asked to move in, I said no. Not just because of their laughter. Not just because of their favoritism. But because they had erased my achievement and handed it to someone else while I was the one breaking my back to build it.

Did I do the right thing? I’m torn in two ways. On one hand they have nowhere to go but on the other I think they should just ask my brother to help them rent a new place. After all, he did have enough money for “my downpayment,” didn’t he?

Best,
Marc

Here’s our advice:

Thank you for trusting us with your story, Marc. Walking away from family expectations isn’t easy, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here’s what you can take away from this experience:

• Family favoritism leaves scars, but you don’t have to carry them forever: Growing up as the “less favored” child can make you question your worth for years. But adulthood is a chance to rewrite that story. Your parents’ opinion isn’t your destiny. The sooner you separate their view of you from who you really are, the freer you’ll feel.

• Don’t let them erase your success: When family members downplay or even dismiss someone’s success, it can be tempting to chase their approval. But recognition isn’t proof of accomplishment. Hard work speaks for itself, and no one else’s opinion can erase what’s been earned. Instead, look at this as a learning experience and move on.

• Respect is just as important as love: Families often assume that love is enough to excuse anything. But love without respect isn’t healthy. If someone constantly belittles you, dismisses your achievements, or pits you against a sibling, you’re allowed to demand better or to step back.

• Putting yourself first isn’t selfish: We’re often taught that “family comes first” no matter what. But if putting them first means losing your peace, your savings, or your self-worth, then it’s not family, it’s sacrifice. Taking care of yourself doesn’t make you ungrateful or selfish. It makes you strong enough to live life on your own terms.

While it’s not right, it’s not uncommon for parents to have a golden child. Here’s another story of parents who played favorites.