My Son-in-Law Assumed I’d Be His Free Maid—The Reality Check Hit Hard

Some people marry into families and immediately start treating their in-laws like unpaid household staff instead of relatives who deserve respect. The assumption that retired parents should automatically become free babysitters and housekeepers has become so common that many people don’t even ask politely anymore. When someone takes your kindness for granted and starts making demands instead of requests, it’s time to remind them that family relationships work both ways.

Here’s Betty’s story:

Hi <strong>Bright Side,

After months of free babysitting and housework, my son-in-law had the audacity to demand I watch his kids during their weekend trip. “You’ll stay with them, right?” I smiled sweetly and said yes.

But when they left the next morning, I packed up the children and took them to my house for the weekend, leaving a note that said: “The kids are safe and having fun at Grandma’s house. Since you didn’t ask about my plans, I made my own. See you Sunday evening!”

I turned off my phone and spent the most wonderful weekend with my grandchildren at my own home, doing activities I actually wanted to do. We baked cookies, watched movies, and had a sleepover party in my living room. The kids had a blast and kept asking why we didn’t do this more often.

When their parents returned Sunday evening to find an empty house and my note, they completely panicked. My son-in-law called every number he could think of before finally driving to my house around 10 PM. He was furious, while my daughter looked embarrassed about his reaction.

I calmly explained that since he had assumed I’d watch the kids without actually asking about my availability or preferences, I had assumed he wouldn’t mind where I watched them. I told him that next time he might want to have an actual conversation about childcare arrangements instead of just expecting me to drop everything.

Since then, my son-in-law has been much more polite about asking for help, and he actually thanks me when I do things for their family. However, I can tell there’s still underlying tension about my refusal to be their automatic backup plan for everything. I want to maintain good relationships with my family, but I also refuse to go back to being taken for granted.

Please help,
Betty

Dear Betty, thank you for sharing your brilliant and creative way of handling such a frustrating situation. We can understand how exhausting it must have been to feel taken for granted while providing so much help to your family. We hope our advice helps you maintain healthier boundaries going forward.

Always confirm plans instead of assuming.

Don’t let anyone go back to the old pattern of telling you what you’re going to do instead of asking if you’re available. When someone says “You’ll watch the kids, right?” respond with “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” Even if your schedule is completely free, this teaches people that your time has value and requires proper planning.

Create your own visiting schedule.

Instead of waiting for them to need you, proactively plan regular visits with your grandchildren on your own terms. Suggest activities you enjoy and times that work for your schedule, rather than always responding to their emergencies. This way, you get quality time with the kids without feeling like you’re being used. It also shows the children that you want to spend time with them, not just help their parents.

Don’t rescue them from poor planning.

When they fail to arrange proper childcare and try to guilt you into last-minute help, remind them that emergencies on their part don’t automatically become emergencies on yours. You can offer to help if you’re genuinely available and willing, but don’t feel obligated to drop everything because they didn’t plan ahead. Teaching them to be more responsible with their scheduling ultimately helps the whole family.

Build relationships with other grandparents.

Connect with other people in similar situations so you can share experiences and get support when family dynamics become stressful. Having friends who understand the challenges of dealing with entitled adult children helps you maintain perspective and confidence in your decisions. Sometimes you need people outside the family to remind you that your boundaries are reasonable and necessary.

Have you ever been taken for granted by family members who expected free help without showing appreciation? Share your story in the comments—others dealing with entitled family members need to know they’re not alone in demanding basic courtesy!

And if you enjoyed this story of family boundary-setting, check out this powerful story from another reader: “My daughter insisted I sell my house to fund her unemployment: ‘It’s my inheritance anyway!’ I said no. ‘I’ll put you in a nursing home!’ she yelled. At 3 AM, my doorbell rang. What I saw made me grateful I’d refused. It was my daughter with...” 👉 Click here to read what happened next.