While planning our special events, especially a wedding, some of us do want help from relatives, while others prefer to make all arrangements on their own. Our today’s heroine had an ideal picture of her special day, in her head, together with her husband-to-be. But all of a sudden, their parents wired them some nice sum, and after that really trashy things started happening.
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A woman, 30, whose name is Debby, recently wrote a letter to our editorial, where she openly shared her problematic situation which she doesn’t know how to handle further.
She wrote that she’s engaged, and she’s planning on getting married next summer to her fiancé. The woman explained that both of them are very practical and hard-working people. They have been saving money for buying a house, and they’ve been dreaming of having a nice car after they get married.
Debby explained that both she and her husband-to-be discussed their mutual plans for the future, and they did it thoroughly, speaking about the kids, their financial situation and the roles that each spouse would take up in their new family. Debby wrote, «We approached our relationship very practically, and I was sure that nothing and no one would ever be able to interfere with our plans and agreements, but I was extremely naive.»
She then detailed that her fiancé and she had a thing in common, and that was a really tough and toxic relationships they both had with their parents. While Debby had been growing up with a very despotic and authoritative mom, her fiancé’s dad was not any better and had always dictated him the rules to live by.
Debby continues her story, saying, that both she and her husband-to-be were very distant from their toxic parents. But things seemed to be getting better after they got engaged, and the relationships with parents seemed to be getting a tad warmer. They all seemed to be very happy about their wedding, and Debby was happy that things were improving for her and her mom, and for her fiancé and his dad, too.
The huge stir between them all began with an act of generosity. Debby wrote, «One day, I discovered that my mom transferred me $10,000, and my fiancé’s parents did the same for him. We did not ask for this money, this was just their own initiative. And we didn’t even know that both sets of parents had a meetup where they made this decision to give us this money as a present.»
Debby revealed that after they received the money, they both called their families and expressed their gratitude about the generous gift. The woman explained that both she and her fiancé tried to refuse from this money, but both sets of parents totally insisted on them taking it as a present, so they agreed.
Debby continues, saying that her mom wanted to know how they were planning their wedding ceremony and even their plans after the big day. She started giving Debby some «practical» advice and this raised red flags, but Debby was trying to ignore them, thinking that her mom was acting like this just because she already had a habit of doing so.
Her fiancé, in his turn, started receiving advice from his dad. Debby wrote, «His dad would call him on a daily basis, and he was trying to convince him to have a very posh ceremony. But we hadn’t been planning on that, we wanted to spend money on more practical things and have a low-profile wedding instead. But my fiancé’s dad just wouldn’t listen.»
Debby continues her story, saying that they met both sets of parents for lunch one day. The purpose of this meeting was to tell them straightforwardly that they’re both grown-ups and that they would be planning their wedding and their life without the participation of parents.
When they met in a restaurant, both Debby’s mom and her fiancé’s dad seemed to be very nervous. They didn’t allow Debby and her husband-to-be even say a word, and started talking first.
Debby wrote, «My mom spoke to my fiancé and his dad spoke to me. They exchanged the roles and were trying to push us to some decisions. His dad told me I must remove all my tattoos before the wedding day, and he insisted that I must change my hairstyle. He insisted that I look like a tomboy, but I must be very feminine during the wedding day, because he ’would be ashamed’.»
Debby’s mom, in the meantime, was speaking to her fiancé, and her conditions were even more wild. Debby wrote, «My mom insisted that my future husband and I must arrange that luxurious ceremony, because they don’t witness their kids getting married every day, so we must please the parents by something extraordinary. She was also saying that my fiancé must immediately invest in his own business after the wedding day, saying that he had enough money for this with their wedding gift.»
So, Debby concluded that what their parents actually did, was giving them money and then manipulating both of them hard with the help of this gift.
The woman said, «We didn’t listen to them for a long time. As soon as the things went clear that they exchanged roles and were trying to give us advice as ’in-laws’, not parents, and as soon as they were constantly mentioning the money they presented to us, we made a decision instantly. We both came back home and transferred the money back to our parents’ accounts. Then, we blocked them in our phones and uninvited them from our wedding. I think it’s a tough decision, but it was the only thing we could do to prevent our own family from constant manipulations. We want to live our own lives, and we’ll do it at any cost.»
And here’s yet another dramatic story of a woman, whose husband humiliated her during their wedding, so she divorced him right after the ceremony.
