Why Your Kids Should Not Be the Most Important Members of the Family
77% of parents say they are more happier and fulfilled since having kids. At the same time, the average parent hasn’t been on a romantic date in more than 3 years and the thing parents miss most about life before kids is spending quality time with their partner. It’s clear that in most marriages, once kids arrive, spouses forget about themselves and each other, thinking they need to give their full attention to their children.
We at Bright Side found some tips about why you should put your spouse first, instead of your kids. Make sure to take a look at our bonus section to see what other people, just like us, think about what is truly important in a marriage.
1. You teach your kids to be respectful of others and themselves.
Someone once said, “A man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he has been born and raised in the arms of a queen.” When your child grows up in a household where love between partners is shown in countless ways, as a result of them putting their marriage first, they learn to treat others with the same respect.
2. You can be the model of a healthy intimate relationship.
Instead of feeling guilty about taking the night off from parenting and enjoying a lovely dinner for 2, take full advantage of this opportunity to explain to your child that their mom and dad need some special time together. They will learn the importance of a healthy adult relationship and, further along the line, this will impact them and their relationships in a positive way.
3. It makes you a better parent.
When you take some moments away from your children for self-care, it gives you a sense of peace and well-being. Thus, when you return back to the nest and to parenting itself, you’ll have a fresh reserve of energy and continue being the best parent you can be.
4. You build a healthy foundation for your relationship.
By making an effort when planning or actually spending time together, you show your partner that you really care about them and your marriage. It’s the little things that make the biggest difference. Keeping the spark alive will stop both of you from becoming roommates instead of lovers, and will keep the marriage boat alive and kicking.
5. Your kids will eventually leave the nest.
Your partner was there long before your kids were, and they will be there after the kids leave the nest. If you spend all your life prioritizing your kids and, along the way, forget about your and your partner’s needs, when your kids leave the nest you might wonder what happened. Your kids exist because of your marriage, not the other way around. Water your marriage every day — be it a weekend trip away, cute love notes in your spouse’s pockets, or just verbal communication — a little goes a long way.
Bonus: Reddit users share their best marriage advice
We scanned the internet and found some advice from people just like us — we hope you’ll enjoy reading the next little pieces of wisdom.
- “I guess in the midst of all of the adulting, I forgot how exciting it can be to get all dressed up and go out to enjoy my husband’s company. People, don’t let life get so busy that you forget what is truly important — who is truly important. The other stuff can wait. Go on a date with your spouse. Your marriage will thank you for it.” — teachmehowtoduchess
- “Ever heard the phrase, ’put on your own oxygen mask before attempting to assist others?’ It applies to relationships too. Your kids are not going to thrive if your relationship is in crisis. It’s also modeling toxic things about relationships for them to learn.” — avast2006
- “Kids are a huge change, both positive and negative. Your time is no longer your own, and you are so focused on the little ones. That can be wonderful and super-fulfilling, but it is tough on a marriage sometimes. When you have kids, have a support system that’s ready for occasional spouse time AND get creative on how you show love.” — Comment_Loose
- “The number one problem I have seen happening in the marriages of friends or family is when kids are the number one priority and not your spouse/marriage relationship. The baby needs happy parents more than it needs ALL of your attention. Happy parents equal quality attention and affection. So if you do decide to have children, always put your spouse first.” — raisinglittlegiants
- “My husband and I still make sure to go out, just us, once a week if we can, but at least a couple of times a month and go away without our daughter here and there. Although I miss her while we’re out or away, it is really good for us too. I always feel closer to him after.” — Kperk_
Do you think your kids’ happiness comes before your partner’s? If you could go back in time to right before having kids, what would you do differently in your relationship?