I’m 4-Months Pregnant, and My In-Laws Have Taken Over My House
When you get married, you not only form a family with your partner, but most likely, the relationship package also includes in-laws, who can be a source of joy or, on the contrary, headaches. And that’s fine as long as it’s only limited to family gatherings, but can you imagine having to live with your partner’s family? Well, that’s what happened to this Reddit user who came back to her house to find that her brother-in-law, wife, and children had invaded it.
When I returned home, I found that my husband had allowed his brother’s family, who had been evicted for some reason, to move into two of our three bedrooms. One of those was my office, so they threw all the papers I had in there into my bedroom. The house was a complete mess. There was trash, dirty clothes, and used diapers everywhere.
I started crying, and my husband told me it was no big deal. It was like a red flag that he was no longer the same. I responded, “Well, I hope the house is clean when I get up.”
Completely exhausted, I went to bed and woke up thirsty. I couldn’t drink any water because all our glasses were scattered around the house. They hadn’t cleaned anything. So, I passive-aggressively started to pick up the dirty dishes and wash them.
My mother came over with one of my brothers. She was mad at my husband and told him, “Since your family can stay, so can we.” She took charge of the situation and sent me to bed. Meanwhile, my brother started cleaning up and complaining loudly about how disgusting my brother-in-law’s family was and about how horrible my husband was for putting me through this.
Then, I got a text message from my mother-in-law, who called me selfish for not helping my husband clean the house and for putting my brother-in-law in an awkward position by having my mother boss him around.
I had a very long talk with my husband. He was remorseful; he explained that his brother was supposed to stay for a couple of nights and that he would leave before I got home. He said he was tired and angry at himself because he hadn’t been at home when I passed out and hit my head. When he found me unconscious, he had no idea how long I had been on the ground injured. He was afraid that something fatal would happen to me and has had nightmares ever since.
In addition to his family drama, he admitted that he had taken out his frustration on me, even though it wasn’t my fault. He begged me for another chance, but we are still separated. He plans to stay in one of my brother’s homes, and we will go to couples therapy. He offered to come and help me around the house and accompany me to my doctor’s appointments, to which I agreed.
What a family story! However, there are several things to learn from this story:
- Communication is essential in a couple. In this situation, the husband didn’t properly convey his version of the events and only did so when the situation became hopeless. As a result, his wife ended up worn out and asked for some space. But communicating is not only about talking but also about listening to what our partner wants to share with us, without the need to involve third parties who have nothing to do with the problem, like our in-laws.
- We shouldn’t be afraid to admit our feelings. The husband couldn’t cope with his feelings, so he channeled all that into blaming his wife when she complained about the arrival of unwelcome guests.
Diverting emotions to another problem is an unconscious defense mechanism. It is best to evaluate whether our negative emotion toward a person or event really calls for it, or if there is an underlying reason that we are not seeing. Perhaps a professional can help us put a name to our feelings about the situation.
- Let’s take our partner’s worries seriously. We sometimes tend to dismiss the concerns of those around us for being too exaggerated. But this can be a common mistake when it comes to communication. Even if we do not see the problem in the same way, showing that we care is a matter of respect for our partner’s point of view.
- Remember to put family first. In-laws are supposed to care about their family and take action, but there are ways to reach out that won’t interfere too much with the dynamic of the household. Remember that bonding with the person with whom we will build our future should be paramount. So, our partner should always make decisions that prioritize the relationship.
- Let’s not judge beforehand. Before acting impulsively, it is best to be objective and listen to the other side of the issue to avoid embarrassing situations, such as making a fuss in someone else’s house and later realizing that we’re wrong.
- Asking for forgiveness isn’t beneath us. It is not easy to ask for forgiveness. However, when we do so, we come to realize our mistake, from which we can learn, so we can avoid repeating it in the future.
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- 6 Ways You Can Set Boundaries for Your Mother-in-Law
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