20 Simple Ways to Make Anyone Believe You’re Pretty Darn Confident
At times we all tend to be too critical of ourselves. All beautiful women can find something that they don’t like about their appearance and some scientists think that they themselves are never smart enough. And this is just more proof that, in fact, appearance and intelligence have nothing to do with being insecure.
The Bright Side team feels very confident about the psychological techniques we’ve collected in this article and we hope they’ll make you a more self-assured person.
1. Start to look confident.
Hunching over is the first sign of insecurity, so straighten up ASAP. And make sure that you are both standing and sitting up straight. Once you fix your body’s posture, pay attention to your speech. Stop mumbling. Speak in a calm, deep voice that will make both you and the person you are talking to believe that you are confident. And don’t forget that confident people never walk with their toes facing in. The brain reacts to your facial expressions and body language and will gradually default to this new position. With these changes, you will believe that you are confident soon enough.
2. Get rid of the insecurity markers from your speech.
“Can I...,” “it seems,” “probably,” “most likely,” “if you don’t mind,” and “could you?” — these words are not just filler words. They are also the markers of insecurity. Forget them altogether and stop using them. When you feel like you want to use an “insecure” word, just pause. Pauses and anxiety are considered to be signs of sincerity.
3. Return to your childhood.
The more you try to get rid of your insecurities, the harder it gets, according to psychologists. The best course of action is to try to figure out what the root of the problem is. Maybe someone told you that you had small eyes or big ears when you were a child. Do you realize how ridiculous it is to still believe that now?
4. Find your strengths.
Okay, so maybe you don’t have beautiful teeth. But what do you like about yourself? In order to build your self-esteem from scratch again, find your smile, your attractive eyes, and your beautiful skin in the mirror. And you will see that your face looks good in general and big ears alone don’t matter all that much.
5. Say goodbye to people who belittle your confidence.
Did your friend mention that you have fat legs? This is a serious reason to reconsider your friendship and your self-esteem. Psychological studies show that people’s low self-esteem could be the reason that other people treat them bad.
Reconsider your relationship with people. If those around you say mean things about you just to make themselves feel good, you should get rid of these people from your life immediately.
6. Talk about your strengths.
Try to recall the most important moments of your life and your own achievements and acknowledge them, even if they are small. Put together a diary where you can record these events.
We have a tendency to be modest, so we don’t often share our achievements with others. We are scared that they might think we are just showing off. But when you tell everyone what you have achieved, part of you is convincing yourself that you are important and valuable.
7. Don’t try to appear better than you are.
When we go on a first date or try to impress a potential employer, we typically want to present ourselves in the best light possible and not tell them anything about our flaws. But this is a no-win situation because even if you are chosen and hired, you can’t hide for long and they will see your flaws sooner or later. And also, some people may even be turned off by the fact that you’re trying to look better than you actually are.
8. Stick to your opinion.
Do you have a firm position on a certain issue? If you don’t, you need to develop one. This does not mean you should be stubborn and refuse to listen to other people. But, you still should value your own opinion. A strong position and point of view that doesn’t change every day makes you a stronger person. This strategy can help you to overcome doubts and to not be manipulated by other people.
9. Remember all your hard feelings.
We’re told to try to let go of all of our hard feelings as soon as possible. However, when we push these negative emotions deep down inside, we don’t get rid of them. Over time, this burden only becomes heavier, making our lives that much more difficult. Just sit down and concentrate. Write down all your resentments. After you’ve done this, let them go one by one. This way, you will gradually learn to work with your negative emotions and overcome them easily.
10. Admit your mistakes.
The same principle works here: by ignoring your own mistakes and shortcomings, you deny the experience that your life is giving you. All you have to do is put all these situations, your decisions, and their results on paper. Draw your own conclusions about every single case. How does every single situation that you call a mistake help you? What lesson does it teach you?
11. Get rid of gender stereotypes.
How many times have you heard that girls should be modest and in good shape? So often that you actually believe it? This is how a bright person becomes dull in an attempt to fit into silly gender stereotypes. And how many men suffer because they can’t show their tenderness and weaknesses? “Men don’t cry” is a thing of the past and it should disappear once and for all. This way, people will feel more free to be themselves.
12. Describe the roles you play.
We all wear masks. This is normal. But sometimes, people forget who they really are. And every time they do this, they lose a part of themselves in order to fit into someone else’s standards and their self-esteem suffers. Try to remember all your roles: when, where, who you’re with, and in what situation do you act differently? Why do you do that? How does this behavior help you? How can you not lose yourself and still maintain a good and healthy relationship with others?
13. Take care of your health.
If you don’t know how to love yourself, taking care of your health is a good place to start. Visit a doctor, and buy a gym membership. As you change your lifestyle, your appearance will change too. And this is the first basic thing you need to do to have a healthy self-esteem.
14. Become the center of attention.
Insecure people are scared of drawing attention to themselves. But the only way to deal with your fears is to face them. If you feel weak in the knees when you think about giving a public speech, you should find a way to become a public speaker.
If your job doesn’t let you take part in conferences or at least, some kind of meetings, try yourself as a model. Pose for artists or participate in a photo shoot. By attracting other people’s attention, you will get used to taking their opinions less seriously.
15. Wear a “bracelet of happiness.”
Try to memorize the moments when you were doing well and everything worked out for you. When something good happens, for example, like when you achieve something, put on a piece of jewelry that will be associated with this success. Now, every time you feel insecure about something, just look at your “bracelet of happiness,” and all your doubts will disappear.
16. Do not change your opinion.
The “I have nothing to wear” — issue is a problem that millions of women have to deal with every morning. Psychologists recommend choosing the very first idea that pops into your mind. And even if you realize that your blue dress doesn’t look good on you, put it on anyway.
Teach yourself to respect your choice even when it comes to small things. Don’t ask waiters for a recommendation when you are at a restaurant. In the morning, choose your own path to work and do not change it. Train yourself to listen to your inner voice and you will soon notice that it has become much easier for you to make decisions.
17. Get rid of shame and guilt.
Guilt is a powerful tool of manipulation. It’s a tool that people use to control you and it starts in childhood. Sometimes, parents who worry about their children too much make them feel guilty for even the smallest things they did wrong. Many people become accustomed to this feeling in childhood and later, when they are adults, they can’t deal with guilt and are easily manipulated.
When you let go of all of your grudges against others, don’t forget to forgive yourself. Remember that holding a grudge is always a choice, even if you don’t realize it. Feeling guilty or blaming someone else are examples of destructive behavior. Don’t let anyone make you feel this away.
18. Figure out what’s getting in the way of you reaching your goal.
Take a piece of paper and write down your goal. And then, write down the reasons why you can’t achieve it at the moment. After that, write a phrase that is the opposite of one of the reasons, for example, “I’m strong,” “I’m attractive,” “I’m rich,” “I’m successful,” and so on. After that, ask a close friend or loved one to whisper this phrase to you and touch your shoulder.
You can also say this phrase to yourself when walking. This way, you can train your body to memorize a positive way of thinking.
19. Find your flaw on a celebrity.
Do you have crooked teeth or short legs? Look closely at an actor or an actress who has the same thing. For example, in one of their interviews, Gerard Butler talks about his ears that stick out that makeup artists sometimes have to tape to his head. Mila Kunis has different-colored eyes and her husband Ashton Kutcher has webbed toes. Despite the almost unlimited possibilities to get plastic surgery and use cosmetics, not all celebrities are interested in fixing their problems. They consider them the features of their look, so why don’t you follow their example?
20. Find the insecurity in your body.
Try to describe your feelings of insecurity in as much detail as possible and then find it in your body. Close your eyes and concentrate. What does this feeling remind you of? What does it look like? What part of your body is it in? When answering these questions make an association. Many people associate the insecurity with a black hole or a swamp, but your association should be unique.
After that, try to make this feeling even stronger and visualize it growing to its maximum point. Keep going until the insecurity just explodes like a soap bubble and sets you free.
Even though this is very trivial, a very important piece of advice is to stop caring about what other people think. Forget about the stereotypes imposed by the media and the movie industry. And every time you feel the urge to change something about yourself, try to understand where it is coming from. If the insecurity is coming from these stereotypes, just ignore it. It is much more important to be in harmony with yourself, don’t you agree? Share your opinions!
Illustrated by Natalia Tylosova for BrightSide.me