I Canceled Christmas Dinner at My Place—I’m Done Paying for Everyone

Every holiday season, we get letters from readers who feel the pressure of being the “default host” — the one with the biggest space, the most patience, or simply the weakest boundaries. Today’s story comes from someone who reached her breaking point after 6 years of cooking, cleaning, and paying for everyone else’s Christmas.

What she learned says a lot about holiday “traditions”... and who’s actually benefiting from them. Here’s her letter.

The letter:

Hi Dear Bright Side Team!

I’ve been hosting Christmas for friends AND family for the last 6 years. Not because I love it — but because I have “the biggest, most convenient place,” so everyone just silently decided it was my permanent job.

Every year I cooked for 12–18 people, cleaned for days, decorated, bought all the groceries, and paid for everything myself. Last year alone, I spent over $700, while everyone else brought... nothing. Not even napkins.

This year, I finally told the group chat: “If I host again, I need everyone to chip in for the food.” You’d think I asked them to donate a kidney.

My best friend replied, “Wow... since when do we nickel-and-dime Christmas?”

My cousin said, “If you can’t afford it, just simplify the menu.”

One friend actually wrote, “It’s at your place, so it’s fair you handle the cooking.”

I just stared at the screen, realizing these people weren’t clueless — they were comfortable. Comfortable with me doing all the work and paying for their holiday dinner.

So I snapped.

I wrote: “Since no one wants to contribute, Christmas dinner at my place is canceled. Someone else can host.”

Instant meltdown.

“Are you serious?”
“You’re ruining the tradition!”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“You’re making it awkward for everyone!”

Funny how the tradition only mattered when I was the one paying for it.

In the end, nobody volunteered to host. Not one. They all suddenly had “space issues.”

So they booked a restaurant — each paying their own bill, which is all I ever asked for in the first place.

Meanwhile, I’ll be home with takeout, a movie marathon, and zero stress.

Turns out, Christmas only falls apart when the unpaid labor stops.

Sincerely,

E.

Thank you to our reader for sharing this story — and for reminding us that “tradition” shouldn’t mean exhaustion for one person. If you have a holiday tale of your own, feel free to send it our way. We’re listening.

Should You Charge Your Family for Christmas Dinner? Experts Say More People Should — And Here’s How to Do It Kindly.

With the cost of living rising, hosting Christmas dinner is no longer just about cooking a big meal — it’s a financial event. And according to new research, almost half of all Brits (46%) now ask guests to chip in for food and drinks on the big day.

So... is it rude to charge for Christmas dinner? Or is it simply realistic?

Etiquette and financial experts say one thing clearly: You’re not wrong for asking loved ones to contribute — as long as you do it the right way.

Below, specialists explain why charging is becoming more common, how to bring it up without hurting feelings, and the rules that keep holiday cheer intact.

DO: Ask Guests to Contribute — Guilt-Free.

Former royal butler Grant Harrold says hosts shouldn’t feel bad for asking people to share the cost.

Hosting is getting more and more expensive. It’s completely reasonable to ask guests to contribute — just agree on it beforehand.

Money-saving expert Matthew Sheeran agrees, noting that families spend an average of £1,800 hosting Christmas. “Food, drinks, decorations, utilities — it adds up. Sharing the cost makes the day fairer for everyone.”

This doesn’t mean charging guests like a restaurant. It simply means being upfront: “Can everyone put in something toward the meal?”

That’s it — simple, clear, and kind.

DO: Split Costs Fairly.

If guests are contributing actual money, experts recommend going “Dutch” — divide costs evenly among adults.

A few exceptions might apply:

• Kids shouldn’t pay full price
• Elderly relatives or anyone struggling financially should be gently exempted

As Grant puts it: Etiquette is about being polite and thinking of others.

DON’T: Surprise People With a Bill — Or Shame Anyone Who Can’t Pay.

Don’t wait until Christmas Day to mention money, don’t assume everyone is comfortable splitting costs, and don’t shame anyone who can’t afford it. Experts say you should:

• Not surprise people with a last-minute bill — agree on costs beforehand.
• Not ask for payment on the day — settle contributions in advance.
• Not judge or pressure guests who can’t pay — simply exempt them or let them bring a small dish or drinks instead.

All of this keeps the holiday peaceful, fair, and drama-free — exactly how Christmas should feel.

And remember: Christmas feels a lot brighter when everyone shares the load — not just the host.

15 Times Meeting the Family Was Funnier Than Any Movie Script