I Caught My Dad Going Through My Wife’s Closet—His Reason Is Even More Disturbing

Naturally, we expect our loved ones to protect our trust, respect our boundaries and be our emotional safe space. Yet sometimes they can be the ones to cross those lines. One reader reached out with his story, hoping for guidance after he caught his father snooping and stalking his wife; leaving her shaken while completely disturbing him.

Though confused by his dad’s actions, he feels caught in the middle of standing with his wife and trying to understand his dad’s reasoning. We offered him some clarity.

Here’s the husband’s letter.

Last weekend, my wife (30F) and I (33M) went out for brunch. My dad (65M) has a key to our house from years ago. We didn’t expect him to be there.

We came home early, heard movement upstairs, and found my dad in our dressing room, holding one of my wife’s jackets. Dad claimed he was checking to see if there is mold. My wife was visibly shaken and walked out without a word.

Later that day, while I was cleaning out the guest bedroom — which my dad sometimes uses when he visits — I found something that stopped me cold.

He discovered his dad’s secret.

A shoebox hidden in the closet. Inside were photos of my wife. Some from social media, others from family events, cropped so only she was in the frame.

One looked like it was taken without her knowing. There was even a receipt for a custom-framed version of our wedding photo — with just her, cropped out from the original.

His dad feels “entitled” to his wife. She is in shock.

I confronted my dad. He didn’t deny it. Said she was “too good for me” and “deserved to be appreciated.”

My wife’s horrified. I’ve changed the locks and told him not to come back. Now she wants me to cut contact completely. I agree — but my brother says I’m “making it worse” and should’ve handled it privately.

Am I right for going no-contact after what we found?

Thank you for your letter. Here’s what we think.

As a husband, respect your wife’s feelings first.

Your wife is the victim here. Her right to privacy was being invalidated by someone you both naturally trusted. And that encounter has left her needing reassurance of her safety and support.

You’ve taken a critical first step by changing the locks and confronting your father, which clearly shows that you’re on her side.

Don’t feel guilty for creating distance.

This is not just a small misunderstanding; your father has crossed a significant line which, in most countries, is against the law. Your father’s behavior may indicate an obsessive attachment to your wife, and he might need to get professional help so that you can better understand him.

In the meantime, avoiding contact with him may be the best because you should think about protecting your marriage and your wife’s well-being, and sometimes that requires making the hard decisions.

Your brother may not understand the depth of the situation.

Your brother may be advocating for you to handle the whole situation privately due to how traumatic it is for the whole family. However, secrets usually allow harm to continue.

Also, you did not publicly embarrass your father; you drew a line in the sand and told him not to cross it. That’s establishing a boundary, which is important for your family’s protection, and hopefully your brother can understand that.

Process your emotions.

You and your wife have experienced a lot of emotions. You may both benefit from speaking with a third party such as a therapist, both individually and maybe as a couple.

It can help you process all the emotions you are both feeling and help you figure out what the next step should be.

Allow yourself to feel the grief towards your dad.

You’ve just seen your father in a way that is disturbing and confusing. And this might leave you unable to recognize the man you once knew him to be, and that can be hard. So even if the decision to end communication is obvious, you’re losing someone you still love.

It’s okay to feel hurt over both his actions and the distance that you might have to put between you. So grieve if you need; just because you’re standing for your wife, doesn’t mean the shift in your relationship with your father is easy.

This situation requires you to be brave, as difficult as it is. So as you navigate it, remember to respect your wife’s feelings, to not feel guilty for choosing your wife, have empathy towards your brother, process your emotions and allow yourself to grieve. There’s nothing unreasonable about prioritizing your wife’s safety and healing—as well as your own.

Read on to find out about another husband who is struggling to trust his wife after she suddenly returned after walking away from their marriage years ago.