I Demand That My Wife Get a Job Since Staying Home With Teens Isn’t Full-Time Work

Money stress and retirement concerns are common in blended families, especially when one partner handles most of the finances. Conflicts can arise over spending, priorities, and free time, making everyday life feel tense even in otherwise happy households.

Jack’s letter:

Hey Bright Side!

So here’s the deal: I (58M) am about a year away from retiring. My wife (46F) has two teenagers from a previous marriage, 14M and 16F. Great kids, but they’re rarely home before 8 p.m. One has soccer, the other theater, and they spend half the week at their dad’s place. Most nights it’s just me and her. For context, I’ve been the one paying all the bills since we got married.

I don’t mind that, I love her, I love the kids, but retirement is creeping up, and I’ve been stressing like crazy about money. Things are already tighter than I’d like. So the other night, I gently suggested that maybe she could pick up a part-time job. Nothing insane, just something to help out a little bit since she does have a lot of free time during the day. She actually said she’d “think about it,” which I thought was a good sign.

Fast forward literally, the very next day, my head boiled when I saw she walked in with a designer handbag, insisting it was “a timeless purchase.” Like, full-on bougie label, and we are not talking cheap. I asked her what that was about, and she just smiled and said it was a “timeless purchase.” I swear, I could feel my blood pressure spike.

Here I am, I’m crunching numbers for retirement, and she buys a designer bag, calling it a “timeless investment.” I can’t get past how careless it looks. And I’m questioning whether I came on too strong, or if she’s the one being completely unreasonable here. What do you guys think, am I being controlling, or is she being out of touch with reality here?

Thank you in advance,
Jack.

Thank you for sharing your story, Jack! We know it’s not easy to talk about money and family stuff so openly. We pulled together some pieces of advice, not as perfect answers, but as thoughts a good friend might share. Hopefully, a few of them give you a different angle or at least make you feel less alone in this.

• Frame it as teamwork — You’ve been carrying the financial load for years. That’s a lot, man. But if you frame it as you need her help instead of her owing you, she’ll probably hear it differently. Nobody likes feeling indebted, but most people want to support their partner when they know it’s really needed.
• Try to make it her choice — Look, you’re not wrong for stressing about money. Retirement isn’t like some vacation where you stop working and life just funds itself. It can be scary. Maybe instead of just saying “get a part-time job,” try asking her what she wants to do that could bring in money. If she feels like it’s her choice, she might actually stick with it.
• Focus on the outcome, not the method — Don’t wait until retirement to adjust your lifestyle. If money’s tight, start acting like retirees now. Cut some extras, downgrade a few luxuries. If she feels the pinch in daily life, she’ll probably realize faster that her income could make a big difference.

While money and marriage can be tricky, these conversations can also bring couples closer when handled with care. With patience and teamwork, financial stress can turn into an opportunity to build a stronger future together.